It’s Your Funeral (2)

Even though Hubcap and I are only in our fifties, in recent years we’ve lost so many friends and family members of around our age – or considerably younger – that we’re starting to hear the Grim Reaper scratching very gently at our own door with his scythe.

So, since publishing my original ‘Its Your Funeral’ blog back on 30th December 2015, we decided to go for it and acquired a SafeHands ‘Pearl’ pre-paid funeral plan. Now, when one of us pops off, all the other will have to do is ring a 24/7 helpline number to set the plan in motion – there’ll be no scrabbling about looking for funeral directors, no trying to second-guess what the late mate would have wanted for a service – and above all, no worries about what it’s going to cost.

Altogether, I was so impressed by the company, its ethos and products that I went on and trained as a funeral planning consultant/SafeHands plan agent – so if you’d like a plan for yourself do get in touch, and I’ll gladly sell you one! In fact do get in touch even if you’re not in the market to buy, because thanks to their recent initiative to ensure every adult has one, I can give you something useful: the Free Funeral Plan. This is a handy four-page A4 form on which you fill in all the details your next-of-kin/executors will need when they have to arrange your funeral – essential stuff such as whether you want to be buried or cremated, whether you’re willing to be viewed in the funeral home, the kind of music and readings you’d like at your service, (if you want a service at all), and so on.

It might sound a bit morbid or frighteningly like tempting Fate, but it’s not – we did our plan 18 months ago, and we’re still here! Oddly enough, we both found it quite an enjoyable and comforting exercise, and it was certainly instructive; despite having known one another for nigh on 14 years/being married for nearly a decade, Hubcap hadn’t a clue I wanted my coffin to enter the chapel to Bach’s ‘Toccata and Fugue’- and it would never have occurred to me in a million years that my little ex-Goth would choose a Frank Sinatra song, (‘It Was A Very Good Year’ – I can’t hear it now without getting a lump in my throat).

So why not drop an email to helencox-celebrant@outlook.com to request your Free Funeral Plan? There’s no catch, no charge and no obligation to go on and buy anything – so you’ve got nothing to lose (but plenty to gain in terms of peace of mind for yourself and your nearest and dearest). And if you’re now thinking, ‘Wow! That sounds so great I’d like to become a SafeHands agent myself’, then contact my account manager Alan Holmes on alan.holmes@safehandsplans.co.uk and he’ll gladly talk you through it!

It’s Your Funeral

In the heady aperitif years of my youth, I paid no attention to the adverts. But now, chomping steadily through the coffee-and-mints stage of what Hubcap calls, ‘the lunchtime of life,’ I notice them everywhere. I must admit, (alas), that I need one of those. It’s responsible and prudent; it’d take a load off my mind and spare my family a world of hassle. And one thing’s for sure: someday, (long in the future, I hope), it will come in useful – yes, (gulp), I’m talking about funeral plans. If you’re my age, the adverts may grab you too: those budget funeral insurance policies plugged by silver-haired celebs (who could probably afford a horse-drawn hearse followed by a fleet of limos if they so desired). A free gift just for registering interest! No medical required! Mere pence a day guarantees a cash lump sum if you die after two years – and you get another free gift when you sign up!

For the over-fifty-fives they sound great – on the face of it. What’s not so great is being hooked into paying instalments on a non-transferable policy for the rest of your life – and if for any reason you stop, all benefits are forfeited and you lose every penny you put in. If you die within two years, all your family gets is what you’ve paid in – which may only amount to a few hundred pounds, nowhere near the price of even the simplest cremation. If you’re blessed with long life, at some point the balance of advantage will tip and you’ll be paying in more than the policy’s worth – but if you stop, you lose everything. And even if you die at an ‘optimal’ time so that your family receives more back than you shelled out, the sum still might not cover the full cost of your funeral.

It all sounds too risky to me, especially now I’ve found something different and better: the SafeHands funeral plans endorsed by the National Federation of Funeral Directors. Unlike the above, which seem designed primarily to make money for insurance companies, these offer decent, affordable, and above all reliable services to meet customers’ needs. Essentially, they’re about buying tomorrow’s funeral at today’s prices, either by one-off payment, up to two years of interest-free instalments, or instalments with interest for up to ten years. For folk who’d rather spend money on living than dying, a straightforward Direct Cremation without funeral service comes in at a modest £1695; alternatively, you can pick from four packages of increasing sophistication and cost, (although even the most expensive, at £3595, falls far short of the £6000 – £7000 which some funeral directors charge).

The main advantages of SafeHands plans are that you can choose your own funeral in advance, thus sparing your nearest and dearest; you can change/add to them if you wish, and even leave them un-named so that they can apply to any member of the family; you’re not bound to endless instalments; and they guarantee that when the time comes you’ll get exactly what you paid for, with no nasty surprises or shortfalls. (If you die before you finish paying, your family or estate has six months to come up with the outstanding balance). It seems like such a good deal that Hubcap’s currently considering a ‘Pearl’ for £2945, while I’m still undecided – I may yet leave my body to science, assuming science would want me – although I’m sufficiently impressed to have trained as a Federation funeral celebrant and agent to sell SafeHands plans. Check out my new website if you’d like to know more!