As it’s seven months since I posted the last instalment of my coming-of-age/school story with a supernatural twist, I’m re-blogging the whole thing for the benefit of any new readers; others who’d like a reprise will find Chapters 1 – 7 redrafted into (I hope) a tighter, smoother, funnier read – or simply scroll on down to Chapter 8: Surprising Saturday. Chapter 9, Shocking Sunday, to follow in due course! Be warned: it contains a little mild bad language, a few implied and a couple of actual sexual swear-words, and drug references (albeit not in a glorifying sense). No sex or violence (nor ever will be). And as ever, your comments are warmly invited! Enjoy.
Blood Magic: Preface
This is what happened – started to happen, I should say – in the September when I was fourteen. I wrote a lot of it down at the time, even some of the conversations, in my secret diaries, the sort Mum always gave me for Christmas and I always hid in my knicker drawer, because I couldn’t lock the tiny padlock because I always lost the key… although since Mamalou taught me how to remember, it’s still pretty clear in my head even ten years later. When I say clear, I don’t mean it makes sense. It never has. So I’m hoping that writing it down will help me understand, show me how much is accident, coincidence, paranoid over-thinking, and how much is – was – real, deliberate, long foreseen and planned. Hoping it’ll answer some questions. Do I wish I’d never met them, that none of it had happened, that I’d just come to terms with losing Fi and bumbled along through my humdrum teens until I finally worked out what I wanted to do with my life? Was the price I paid worth it?
But it probably won’t. It’ll probably dangle on, a loose ending like Daphne du Maurier’s My Cousin Rachel, which I read that autumn, (along with Rebecca and Jamaica Inn), curled up in a mustardy armchair or lying in a hammock on the sun-deck at Hidden House, under the grapevine. Did they, or didn’t they? Does it matter now, either way? Or has she done for me at last, Raven, my torment? I’ll probably never know… and you’ll have to make up your own mind.
Chapter 1: A Day of Firsts
‘Come on, Year 10, calm down now.’ The Bald Eagle pushed up his specs and peered down his beak at us, mock stern. It was the first time our whole – well, nearly whole – class had been together for six weeks, and everyone was still high and buzzing. Except me. For the first time, I had no-one to buzz with. No-one to nudge or pass notes to, no ear to whisper in, no-one to giggle with. My stomach felt cold, empty as the space between me and Libby, my nearest neighbour. I reached for my bag and put it on Fi’s chair to see if it made me feel better. It didn’t, but I left it there anyway.
I remember these tiny details so well because that first day of term started so badly. For the first time ever, I really didn’t want to go back. I mean, really really. Not just the usual, ‘OMG, school today, what a drag,’ feeling everyone gets. No, once I was past that, I loved autumn term – harvest festivals, panto rehearsals, carol concerts, all the fun seasonal stuff. Plus we’d be in our usual nice homeroom with its view of trees and playing fields, and I’d have my usual good seat, far right, third row back, next to the window – with the added attraction of Mr Benjamin Bradley Theobald for our class teacher. Everybody liked Baldy Beak. He took us for Eng Lang, Lit and Drama – my favourites – and but for his nose and specs, looked enough like a taller, thinner Vin Diesel for Fi to have a major crush on him. He used to say that big noses ran in his family, and that ‘mockers with lesser proboscises’ just envied its magnificent size. He even wore jokey ties for us: green with a Disney Pinocchio, sky-blue with tiny bald eagles, a red Rudolph for the Christmas party complete with flashing nose. And it wasn’t just the usual wobbles about going up a year, and how I’d cope with extra homework and revision and mock exams on top of the average spotty hell of adolescence, or the usual rude awakening when the alarm goes off and you get that sinking feeling when you realise that no, the summer wasn’t endless after all and yes, it really is time to get up and go to school.
No. Today, as well as all that, I had dread. A big doomy dread I’d been running away from for two months, ever since I found out, but now it had caught me up. Today would be the first time I’d pass the McDonald house on my way to Goldthorpe Senior Academy without stopping to call for Fi, my desk-mate and bestie since Year 7. The first time, (unless she’d been off with a cold or something), I’d walk the whole way there and back without her. The first time I’d do homework alone, instead of in her room or mine, with a glass of milk and two biscuits each, (always the ration, no matter how we begged), to fuel us till dinner. It made me feel sick, and I felt even worse when I opened my wardrobe.
Mum loved the GSA uniform – white shirt, V-neck sweater, trousers or kilt, plain black lace-ups – because it was smart, sensible, and lasted forever unless you outgrew it. It was carefully gender-neutral, although except for the last day of term when Danny Thomas wore his sister’s for a dare, the only lads who opted for kilts were Rob and Stewie Lennox in Year 12. The Terrible Twins had hi-vis hair and freckles, their dad drove a tiny old car, blue with a white St Andrews cross on the roof and Scottish Independence stickers all over, and they wore kilts year-round with thick white socks and garters. But being megastars on the school rugby team, they were used to cold knees, and being built like brick sheds, no one said boo to them about it. And best of all from Dad’s point of view, you could buy it on a ‘Dress Your Kid for 50 Quid’ special offer from the local supermarket.
I hated it, though. It might’ve been OK in navy or grey instead of mouldy maroon with yellow stripes for the optional tie and scarf from GSA Online, (supposed to be ‘gold’ for Goldthorpe but looked more like pus with dried blood), and if I had less of what Mum optimistically called ‘puppy fat.’ As it was- well, the crackly-new, next-size-up shirt fitted fine, but last year’s trousers were so snug they made my bum and hips look huge. I swapped them for my old kilt with the let-down hem, a baggy jumper to hide my muffin-top, and a blazer I had to leave unbuttoned. I blamed Ben and Jerry. And Papa John and the Colonel-
‘Eloise Morton?’ Baldy’s voice cut into my thoughts. ‘Hello? Earth to Eloise – do you read me?’
My face went hot as I raised my hand. ’Yes, sir.’
A split-second later, he moved on to the lad sitting behind. ‘Luke Myers?’
Hot needles jabbed my heart. I stared down at my desk, biting my lip, trying not to cry. Fiona McDonald, gone from the register. Erased. Deleted. As if she never existed. It was horrible, just like this morning’s journey to school had been. For the first time, I hadn’t crossed the main road at my usual place, just turned left and walked past very fast on the opposite side, looking the other way, until her house was far behind. Then I walked very slowly, checking my phone again. Still no text. Weird. But before I could look for anything else, the battery died – with all the upset I’d forgotten to charge it. I carried on walking slowly anyway. I didn’t want to get there early, didn’t want to talk to anyone. They were sure to ask about Fi, and I might start crying again-
‘There!’ Baldy ticked the last name. ‘All present and correct – for the moment.’ His eyes twinkled, then fell on Fi’s chair. The smile fell off his face. ‘Though I must say, things won’t be the same around here without Fi McD, and I know we’re all going to miss her very much.’ He raised an eyebrow at me. ‘Eloise, are you able to give us any update?’
I should’ve known. Public Speaking was Very Big at GSA. Readings in assembly, class announcements, speech days, school radio, Debate Group, you name it, we did it – everyone, in turns, no excuses. It was meant to ‘build confidence, prepare students for oral exams, university and job interviews, the world of work, and many other challenges of adult life,’ according to the GSA website. I didn’t mind. I quite enjoyed it, actually – apart from two things. As always, the first started heating my feet the moment I stood up, and by the time I reached the front, I was glowing to my hairline. Which made the second thing happen. I didn’t know which I hated most, the sympathetic looks, stifled smiles, sniggers, or silly comments, I just knew they made it worse until I practically burst into flames.
Still, I stood tall, took a deep breath, and told the back wall, ‘Yes, we text every day. But Britain’s five hours ahead of Canada, so we can only really talk after Fi’s Sunday brunch, which is just after our Sunday lunch. Her new house looks nice, they’ve got a big garden with pine trees and a swimming pool and a hot tub, but school starts earlier than here so she had to go back last week. She says it’s OK though, and Montreal’s pretty cool, and, um, her dad likes his new job. And she sends love to everyone, especially Caro and Libby – but especially not to Jake Adams.’ I enjoyed the giggles and seeing him go bright red for a change. Fi hadn’t really said that. I just made it up because I knew he secretly fancied her, and because he sat on the front row, and he was always grinning and holding his hands out to warm them on me when teacher wasn’t looking, and I wanted to pay him back.
‘Oh yes, and they’re coming back to spend Christmas with her gran,’ saying it aloud made me smile, and I felt my face cool a degree. ‘So please still buy her presents, but only small things that won’t make her suitcase too heavy.’ Then I dried up. I couldn’t talk about Fi being homesick, and hating everything, especially her parents for making her go, and saving for a one-way ticket so she could come home to live with us when she hit sixteen in exactly 398- no, 397 days. (I hadn’t asked Mum and Dad yet, but they loved Fi so I was sure they wouldn’t mind).
Luckily the Eagle swooped in before the silence got uncomfortable. ‘Thanks, Eloise. Now,’ he waved me back to my desk, ‘before we get down to business with the timetable, I have an important announcement to make, and I hope you’ll be as glad to hear it as I was. Yes, folks – we’re about to get a new addition to Year 10, a student who’s recently moved up here-’
My stomach went boing like it does when I see Joshua Brown. I didn’t hear what Baldy said next. Like everyone else, I was too busy listening to the clicking footsteps and rapid-fire voice of Principal ‘Batty’ Bates fast approaching. I got butterflies inside and goosepimples outside as two dark shapes passed the panel of wobbly glass in the corridor wall, pulling our heads with them like balloons on strings. Even though we were all looking at the door, I still jumped when the loud KNOCK-KNOCK came. Then it swept open and Prince Batty swept in, black academic gown billowing round her sharp black suit, and so tall with her killer heels and high-piled grey bun that she had to duck. (She dressed like that to intimidate difficult parents – it worked on mine, they were petrified of her – but to her precious pupils and teachers, she was a total pussycat).
‘Good morning! Good morning, 10 BT!’ she beamed. ‘How nice – how very nice to see you all back again, looking so fresh-faced and expectant! I trust Mr Theobald’s briefed you about our good news? Splendid, splendid! Then let me present the person you’ve been waiting for so quietly- come along, come along, my dear.’ Pushing the door wider, she ushered someone in. ‘Time to meet your new classmates.’
I didn’t realise I was holding my breath until I let it out. The new girl was tallish, with a black wavy bob, spot-free pale skin, pink cheeks, and a neat nose dotted with freckles. She was wearing the same clothes as me, but rotten plum suited her, and her slim-but-curvy figure made it look more designer suit than superstore school-wear. She stood very still, hands clasped in front, eyes fixed politely on Batty gushing on about lovely warm Goldthorpe welcomes, being kind and helpful to the newcomer blah blah blah.
‘I speak for the entire staff when I say that we’re thrilled – absolutely thrilled! – to have Fiona McDonald’s place filled so soon by another student of Oxbridge calibre, who comes to us with such glowing reports from a highly-regarded London Girls’ Grammar School-’
My stomach sank. I knew what was coming. Little Miss Perfect was going to sit at Fi’s desk, on Fi’s chair, and I was going to hate her. But as the Prince burbled on, ‘-so she’s sure to keep you all on your toes, and I’m sure she’ll have lots of fascinating stories to share about her travels too, and her exciting life in our capital city,’ I saw her look down and blush. Prettily, of course, just a shade deeper pink on the cheeks. Her lips went tight and white, though. And her knuckles, gripping and twisting a small silver ring on her right hand. And I realised she was completely furious, and that maybe I wasn’t going to hate her quite so much.
‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must dash. So, without further ado, I’ll leave you in Mr Theobald’s capable hands,’ Dr B patted the girl’s shoulder, ‘and let you introduce yourself to the class in the time-honoured way.’ With a nod to him and, ‘Enjoy your day,’ to the rest of us, she ducked out.
As the door closed, Baldy said, ‘Well, that rather puts you on the spot! Are you OK with it – good to go?’
She nodded. ‘Yes, sir.’ Moving to centre front, she struck a pose like a TV presenter, (her posh school must’ve taught PS as well, unless she’d just had a crash course from Batty), and launched into Module 1, ‘Getting To Know Me/You.’
‘Hi, everybody. I’m Raven Moon-Childe.’ She pronounced her surname as two words, not Moonchild like I would if it was mine, in a nice voice, the sort that says ‘barth’ and ‘parth’ instead of ‘bath’ and ‘path,’ but without sounding too stuck-up. ‘I’m very happy to be here, I prefer small towns to big cities, and I’d rather go to a mixed school than girls-only.’ Raven smiled at the lads hanging on her every word, Josh Brown at the front with his mouth hanging open, I mean, literally. I felt sick, if not as sick as Chardonnay Jenkins, (his latest squeeze/class hottie since Year 8, when her boobs inflated to 34 C), who looked like she was sucking a wasp.
‘I know you’d rather have your friend here than me.’ Raven met my eyes. Hers were an oddly dark blue, almost navy, with the sort of long, thick lashes that don’t need falsies or mascara, and tidy natural brows. ‘But I can’t help being glad to get a place at Goldthorpe, it looks like a great school, and I’ll do my best to fit in. My favourite subjects are languages and geography, and my least favourite are algebra and calculus. I like athletics and swimming and gym, but I’m rubbish at team sports and anything involving balls,’ she paused for the predictable sniggers, ‘so don’t ask me to play tennis, either.
‘I can play guitar though, and I love all sorts of music, particularly folk, jazz and world, and all sorts of animals, particularly cats. The qualities I prize most in people are kindness, honesty and a good sense of humour, and the faults I despise most are cruelty, greed, and selfishness. My greatest fear is that humans will wreck the planet for every other species, and my greatest ambition is to do something about it. So I’d like to study earth science and politics, and be an ambassador for some big organisation like Greenpeace. Or,’ Raven grinned, showing lovely straight white teeth, not like my ugly metal mouthful, ‘become Britain’s first Green Prime Minister.
‘My favourite place on Earth is at home with Mum, and the people I’d most like to have round for dinner are Greta Thunberg, Jeremy Corbyn, and Sir David Attenborough. And you, of course.’ She grinned again round the whole room. ‘I’m fifteen next Sunday, Mum’s throwing me a big birthday party, and you’re all invited.’
‘Yay!’ Jake Adams did a drum-roll on his desk. ‘Party time!’
Suddenly everyone was clapping, me included. Raven transformed on the spot into a Hollywood starlet, eyelashes fluttering, hands clasped to her chest then flung wide, bowing low, milking it. You could practically see the spotlight and hear the crowd roar. Then everyone laughed, while Baldy gave her the eagle eye.
‘Well done, Raven. I can see you’d be an asset to Westminster… and you certainly would be to my drama group. Right then, go sit yourself down.’ He gestured to the only free chair. ‘I know I can trust Eloise to take good care of you, and we need to crack on.’
As she neared the desk Raven met my eyes, the corner of her mouth pulling down in a tiny grimace. She pointed. ‘May I?’
‘Oh, yeah, sorry.’ I grabbed my bag and hung it on the back of my own chair. She took hers – a battered brown leather thing that looked older than my dad – off her shoulder, hung it on the back of Fi’s, and sat down in a waft of something gorgeous that made my stomach boing again.
‘Thanks, Eloise,’ she whispered, smiling. ‘Cool name.’
I smiled too. ‘Not as cool as Raven Moonchild.’
‘It’s Moon-hyphen-Childe,’ she hissed back, frowning ever so slightly.
Nice one, Ellie. Pee off your new deskie in one easy sentence, why don’t you? ‘Sorry,’ I muttered, instantly scarlet. I couldn’t say more because Baldy was calling up the Year 10 master timetable and unlocking the stationery cupboard. (I’d nearly fainted in Year 7 when I first saw a six-day timetable and thought we had to come to school on Saturdays. Then when I discovered how they work, I liked the way it mixes the weeks up and stops you getting so bored, although Mum was forever moaning that she couldn’t keep track of when to wash my sports kit).
‘OK, 10 BT, you know the drill,’ he said. ‘Let’s get that well-oiled machine into gear!’
The front row – Linsey Ackland, Jake Adams, Josh Brown, Tamsin Bryant, (lucky cow), Janey Collins, Tom Cooper, Caz Drury and Zack Edmonds – filed up one by one for stuff to hand out and began working up and down the aisles without jostling past or bumping into each other, and putting things down properly, no tossing or slapping, finishing with their own desks then one by one, sitting back down. The rest of us started filling in Name/Class No. labels with new black biros and sticking them on new white General ring-binders, (which we’d have plastered with graffiti and more interesting stickers by half-term).
Raven leaned close to whisper a rush of goosebumps down my neck. ‘Wow! Great timing. It’s like watching a ceilidh.’
‘Mm.’ I’d seen and done it a thousand times, so I wasn’t that impressed. I just inhaled and felt giddy, partly from relief that she couldn’t be that cross or she wouldn’t be speaking, and partly from her woody, earthy – almost mouldy – herby, heady scent. ‘What is that smell?’ I blurted aloud. ‘Is it you, or your clothes?’ Another nice one – if we were being graded on Making Polite Conversation, I’d be heading for a big fat F.
Luckily no-one else heard – like us, they were busily buzzing, popping binders open and shut, stuffing plastic pockets with rough-work paper, and loading them in between coloured card separators. And Raven only said, ‘Both,’ as if she didn’t mind at all, then reached into her ugly bag, brought out a little brown bottle and showed me the label. Clarity, I read, in pretty, curly handwriting with little flowers inked around.
‘Hold out your wrist.’ I did. She unscrewed the black pipette lid and dripped on an oily drop. ‘Now rub them together, warm it up.’
I rubbed hard, buried my nose in between and sniffed deep. ‘Ooh… mmm… it’s gorgeous.’
‘Yes, it’s my favourite – frankincense, sandalwood, and patchouli.’ Raven put the top back on and held the bottle out to me. ‘You can keep it if you like.’
‘No! Seriously?’
‘Yes, seriously. We’ve got tons at home. Mum’s big into aromatherapy, making her own perfumes and soap and stuff.’
‘Oh. Well then, um, thanks very much.’ I slipped Clarity into my bag, feeling guilty now for hating Raven on sight when she was turning out to be so nice. I tried being nice in return and said, ‘I love your ring. It’s really striking.’ It had struck me because we weren’t allowed jewellery at school, only plain gold or silver studs if you had pierced ears (I didn’t), because of Health & Safety. And this was a proper signet ring, round and flat with a keyhole shape where her finger showed through. It reminded me vaguely of something… just as Raven herself reminded me vaguely of someone. ‘I’m surprised they let you keep it on, though.’
Peering closer, I spotted two engraved capital Ms, and suddenly it clicked. It wasn’t a keyhole, it was a logo, a child’s head and shoulders silhouetted against a full moon. I gasped, ‘Moonchild Music!’ My favourite singer was on that label. ‘Oh my God! You’re not related to Gray Childe, are you?’ That was who she reminded me of – his face had been all over the news. ‘Is he your dad?’
Raven’s eyes bugged wide. ‘SSHHH!’ she hissed, twisting the ring, turning the Moonchild’s face into her palm.
Oh my God. Not again. ‘Why?’ I asked weakly. ‘What’s the matter? What did I say?’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t tell you. Not here. Not now.’
Not that we had time to talk. Baldy got us filling in timetables, with the core subjects we did together – English Lang/Lit, Maths (ugh), French, Art, Gen Studs, Rel Studs, and Games – already printed on, for us to add our GCSE options round with our new felt-tips, a different colour for each subject. I felt a bit disappointed to see Raven pick out blue for Bio, cherry for Chem, and pink for Phys. I was using dark green for Geog, light green for Germ, and brown for Hist, (I suppose they couldn’t find a colour beginning with H), because I hadn’t a clue what I wanted to do when I left GSA, I just knew that it wouldn’t be science. But I was pleased Day 1 gave us double Lit first (yay!) here in our homeroom, then break, then French till lunch in the Language Lab next door – a nice, easy way to slide into term. And Raven was pleased when Row 2 started handing round our lavender Lit binders for Period 1, plus stuff to stuff them with, and well-thumbed copies of our Set Novel (Classics).
She pounced on it. ‘Far From the Madding Crowd? Awesome!’
My eyebrows shot up. ‘You’ve read it?’
‘Oh yes. And seen the film versions. Mum’s a total Thomas Hardy freak, we read the most famous ones together while she was dragging me and Dad round ‘Hardy’s Wessex.’ At least, she dragged Dad. I thought it was ace. We went to Stonehenge – that crops up in Tess – and Salisbury and Winchester, and all sorts of other lovely old places where the stories are set. Anyway, there’s a chapter,’ she began leafing through, ‘where the anti-hero’s showing off to the heroine, trying to impress her with his sword- yes, page 238, ‘Hollow Amid the Ferns.’ It’s pretty sexy for late nineteenth century, you should read it-’
‘Ahem!’ Mr Theobald interrupted. I went bright red, realising the whole class had gone quiet, listening, waiting, but Baldy seemed more amused than cross. ‘All in good time, Raven! Meanwhile, since you’re such a Hardy fan, after I’ve given the intro you can start us off reading aloud from Chapter 1.’
This was Baldy’s way. He never called us alphabetically, and you never knew if he’d stop you after a paragraph or a page, so you had to follow the reader and not go to sleep because you could be next any second. But at least we could read from our desks instead of the front, which meant I went less red and cooled down quicker. And Gabriel Oak sounded like a good guy, if a bit of a boring hero, (which I guessed he must be because he’s the first person mentioned, which usually means someone’s important).
When we’d all taken a turn and the chapter was finished, Baldy put our homework questions up on the screen for us to copy into our binders. Then it was our row’s turn to go to the stationery cupboard. He must’ve seen her panicky face because he said to Raven, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll manage. Just tag on behind Eloise, take your time, and mind you don’t fall over anyone.’
He gave me a stack of Set Plays: William Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 1. I groaned inside. That sounded seriously heavy. But when we sat down again, Raven looked happy, so I said, ‘Don’t tell me you’ve read this as well. No-one reads Shakespeare for fun.’
She giggled. ‘I know what you mean. But the history plays are quite fun, actually. They’ve got bits of real history in them – what people thought at the time, anyway, or what Shakespeare thought Queen Elizabeth wanted to hear – and some truly awesome speeches. We did H4 1 and 2 last year at the Grammar, and there’s a part- brr!’ Raven broke off, rubbing her arms. ‘I come out in goosepimples just thinking about it, I love it so much I learned it by heart-’
Baldy, who’d been handing round Glossary sheets to explain the weird words, went back to the front and clapped his hands. ‘Right, folks – time for a dash of your favourite Billy Shakespoke.’ There was a chorus of groans and barfing sounds, mainly from the boys. ‘Oh, come on. You know you love it really. And to get us in the mood, would anyone care to perform a party piece from our last foray into Elizabethan theatre? Perhaps Daniel could show us his Bottom.’
Danny Thomas (class clown) muddled through a speech from our Year 9 end-of-term production Midsummer Night’s Dream – he’s a pain at times, but he can be very funny. (I’d quite enjoyed Dream because I only had to be prompter, so I could hide in the wings where it didn’t matter if I stayed bright red the whole way through). Then Raven’s left hand neighbour, Fi’s and my friend Libby Lyons, did a snip of Titania, Queen of the Fairies, with Jake Adams as her King Oberon.
‘Well done!’ said Baldy. ‘OK, let’s leave comedy now and turn to history. Raven, I gather you read Henry IV at your previous school,’ he must’ve been earwigging, ‘and there’s a part you’re particularly fond of. Would you like to share it with the class?’
‘Oh. Um, yes, sir.’ Raven took Henry with her to the front, thumbing through for the place. ‘It’s this bit where the nobles are talking about the Prince of Wales and his household coming, ‘All furnish’d, all in arms, all plumed like estridges-’ She held the book open for show, but I could tell she was reciting, not reading; and when she came to, ‘I saw young Harry with his bevor on, his cuisses on his thighs, gallantly armed, rise from the ground like feather’d Mercury,’ her face was glowing with hero-worship and she had such love and admiration in her voice that suddenly I saw him too, armour shining in the sun, vaulting lightly onto his snorting horse, making it prance and wheel around to show off what a good rider he was, and felt myself come out in goosepimples and get a proud, painful lump in my throat because he was my Prince Hal too, riding bravely off to war, and I wanted to find out what happened to him, whether he survived, and I got quite excited and thought that maybe Shakespeare wasn’t so bad after all.
No-one said much after that because we had to listen to Baldy explain the plot, and who Henry IV was, and that in Shakespeare’s time old people still talked about him because they’d lost grandfathers and great-grandfathers fighting for or against him. Then he checked to see if we’d understood, (Raven never put her hand up, but if he asked her something, she always knew the answer).
Then the bell went, and as soon as he said we could go, she jumped up. ‘Please can you show me where the loos are, Eloise? I’m dying for a pee.’
I hurried her off to the nearest before it filled up with Year 11s trying to smoke out of the window, but she stopped me at the door. ‘I don’t really want to go. I just wanted to escape before- oh, you know, people started Getting To Know Me, asking questions I don’t feel like answering.’ She smiled. ‘So go on then, show me some ropes. What do you normally do at break-time?’
Right on cue, my stomach grumbled. I’d felt too sick to eat any breakfast and I was suddenly starving. So I took her to the tuck counter in the canteen and was reaching for my usual mega-Mars Bar when Raven said, ‘You don’t want to eat that.’
I went bright red. ‘Why not?’
‘Because you’re fat enough already.’ That was what I expected to hear, or something like. Instead, Raven gave me a Look.
‘Seriously? Because it’s poison! Non-recyclable plastic full of palm oil and nasty chemicals – I mean, have you ever actually read the label?’ She shuddered. ‘Ugh. I wouldn’t eat it if you paid me. Here,’ she picked up a ripe banana, ‘have this instead, my treat. It’s much healthier.’
‘Mm. Thanks.’ I didn’t think it’d be enough, so I picked up a tube of prawn cocktail Pringles to go with it.
‘Nah, you don’t want those, either.’ She took it off me and put it back. ‘I’ve got something you’ll like better, I promise.’
Not feeling very happy with Raven, I led her out into the little quad where we ate our packed lunches on nice days, because today was my favourite sort of September, apple-crisp, the trees impossibly bright gold and burnt-orange against a brilliant blue sky, with odd leaves drifting down in ones and twos and an exciting pungent whiff from the caretaker’s bonfire, one of my all-time favourite smells. (Although that might’ve been Year 12 sneaking a spliff in the bike-sheds hardly anyone used any more, at least not for bikes). She headed for the table under the birch tree which nobody liked because of pigeons, dumped her bag down among the white splats and unbuckled the flap. Sitting opposite wolfing my banana, I saw a name inked inside in faded blue, not hers, and read it upside down: M-L Moulin.
‘Help yourself.’ Raven unpacked two brown paper bags and a stainless-steel flask. ‘Mum always gives me way too much.’
Dubious, I peeped into the bag with the grease-spots. Hmm. ‘What are these?’
‘Peppered carrot, sweet potato, parsnip and beetroot crisps.’ Raven scrunched into a purply-red one. ‘Yum! They’re the best.’
I found I preferred parsnip; but they were all gorgeous, sweet, crunchy with sea-salt and black pepper, and now I was glad I hadn’t wasted my money on Pringles. The other bag was full of dried figs, prunes, raisins, and apple rings, which were good too. So was the minty yoghurt drink she called lassi, and as we sipped it in turns she asked,
‘What did you think I was going to say to you in the canteen? Your face went all stiff,’ (tactfully, she didn’t mention its colour), ‘like you expected me to bite you.’
I went bright red. Looking down, I was about to say, ‘Oh, nothing.’ Then I looked up again into her eyes, soft with concern, and suddenly it seemed pointless to hold back. So I told her exactly what, and why. ‘I knew the second you walked in that you’d be put next to me and I’d be OFF again, same as with Fi-’
‘Off again?’ Raven frowned – prettily, of course. ‘What do you mean, off?’
‘Obligatory Fat Friend. Because she was so cute. You know, blonde, petite,’ I drew Fi in the air, half a head shorter than me and half as wide, ‘or UFF. You can guess what that stands for. It’s what some of the older lads used to call us. As in, ‘Lookout, guys, here comes Fi McD… and She’s OFF!’ Or Laurel and Hardy. Or Little and Large.’
Raven’s face sort of froze. Then she scowled. That wasn’t pretty at all, her eyes went so black and cold I felt almost frightened. ‘That’s horrible.’ She reached across and squeezed my hand, and I noticed the Moonchild had worked its way back to the right place. ‘Well, they’ll never say it round me, Ellie. Trust me on that.’
‘Thanks, Raven.’ I squeezed back gratefully, though I wasn’t sure how she could stop them. Then I blurted again. ‘I’m really glad now you’ve come, I thought it was going to be awful having someone else in Fi’s place but it’s actually really nice having a new deskie, much better than sitting on my own. And I’m sorry I upset you asking about your dad, it was stupid of me, and for getting your name wrong and thinking you’d be a snobby stuck-up swot.’
‘It’s OK. I’m not upset, and I don’t blame you. Teachers can be so clueless. Talking about you as if you’re not there, bigging you up, boasting about you – it drives you insane.’ (I wouldn’t know, I’ve never had the problem). ‘They think they’re encouraging people but they’re not, it’s obnoxious and embarrassing and stupid because it just sets you up to be hated. I mean, when Doctor Bates was yapping on, you didn’t think ‘ooh, lucky us, a clever newbie from a top London school, must try really hard to keep up with her,’ did you?’
‘No,’ I giggled. ‘I hated you.’
‘There you go. But you can’t exactly tell teachers to fuck off, can you?’ Sly little dimples appeared in her cheeks. ‘Not unless you want to get expelled.’
I gasped, not just from the F-word. ‘Oh my God! You’ve been expelled?’
‘Yep. From my poxy boarding school.’
‘Oh my God, Raven! How did it happen? What did you say?’
‘Well, we’d just come back from Christmas vac – and I really didn’t want to, but Dad made me because he’d upfronted a full year’s fees to get me into the stupid place – and in assembly the Head hauls me up on stage and starts giving it this,’ she made her hand look like a quacking beak, ‘about me getting a special prize for getting 100% in French for the whole of my first term, and what a shining example I was blah blah bleurgh. And I mutter, ‘This is such bullshit.’ And he says, ‘What did you say?’ So I say it again louder, and he tells me to go straight to his office, and I tell him to go eff himself. I didn’t just say ‘eff,’ obviously. Then I tell the school they’re a bunch of spoilt, shallow, worthless wankers who can all go eff themselves too, and the Porsches they rode in on.’ Raven grinned. ‘It was sweet, totally worth getting ragged out by Dad when he came to pick me up. And Mum thought it was hilarious. Dad was even angrier when they only refunded half his money because Spring Term had already started. Serve him right, I never wanted to go there in the first place. Ha, ha, karma.’ Grinning, she waved the Moonchild at me. ‘It’s why I’m wearing this. I forgot to take it off before hockey – God, I hate team sports! – and some fool cracked my finger with her stick, and now I can’t get it over the knuckle. And it was Mum’s wedding ring, so I’m not having it cut off – the finger or the ring.’
Then the bell went BRRRRRRING! and my stomach went boing because we’d have to walk to the Language Lab past the old Sixth Form Block where the Year 13 to 14s lived, join the maroon streams pouring into and out of various doors, and I’d be OFF again. Only something weird happened instead. Of course, everyone stared at Raven because her face was strange as well as stunning – I saw the Lennox Lads actually stop dead, twin ginger heads swivelling to watch her go by – and everyone stared at me because I was with her. And we got smiles and waves from people I knew in other classes, and odd smirks and sniggers, and bitchy looks from some of the older girls, but no-one said a word except ‘Hey, Ellie!’
It was even weirder when we went inside. The corridor babble rose and fell, voices hushing as we passed, chattering log jams parting as if an invisible bubble was forcing them gently aside. I glanced sidelong at Raven, walking tall, confident, radiating authority, acknowledging the stares with tiny nods. ‘What’s happening- what are you doing?’ I hissed from the corner of my mouth. ‘Are you playing Prince Batty?’
‘No, I’m Prince Hal.’ She favoured a fit Year 11 with a small smile. ‘And you’re Hotspur. So act like him – swagger!’
I giggled, feeling silly. ‘I can’t. I don’t know how.’
‘Then copy me.’ Raven put an arm round my round shoulders, pulled them square, and spoke in the other Prince’s voice. ‘Just fake it till you make it, my dear. Fake it till you make it!’
In French, re-christened Corbelle by Mlle Joubert because it made conversation easier when our names sounded French, (mine didn’t need to change, apart from adding accents), Raven had to introduce herself again. She kept it simple: ‘Mon nom est Corbelle, j’ai quatorze ans, j’ai les cheveux noirs et les yeux bleus, j’aime bien les animaux et la musique, j’habite chez Maman à la Maison Cachée’ and so on.
Then we all had to plug ourselves in. I enjoyed French Language, though I wasn’t so keen on the Lab; hearing my own voice in my ears embarrassed me, much more than speaking in normal class, and most of all when the Joob listened in and tried to get me to roll my Rs properly. She told us that this year we were Going To France, with modules on Getting Around: Buying Tickets, Booking Rooms, Ordering Meals, Buying In Shops etc, and that today we’d be Visiting Paris. Slides flashed up showing Places To Go, while the narrators Jacques and Jacqueline took turns telling us about them, and we repeated their words floating white across the screen. I couldn’t tell how Raven was getting on until the bell went and we heard, ‘OK, allez déjeuner, tout le monde! Au revoir,’ in our ears. Then as everyone started chattering and grabbing bags and filing out, I saw the Joob beckon her over and my stomach went boing. Usually, this wasn’t good.
‘We’re off for lunch, El,’ said Libby, as I dawdled with my pencil-case. ‘You coming?’
‘Um- no,’ I said. ‘I ought to wait for Raven.’
Libby and Caro made faces at each other. ‘Well, we’re not waiting,’ said Caro. ‘We’re starving.’
‘Yeah,’ said Libby. ‘Leave her. She can find her own parth to the carnteen if she’s so bloody clever.’
‘Um.’ I dithered. ‘Yeah, but Baldy told me to take care of her, so perhaps I’d better-’
‘Feh – whatever. Just don’t blame us if the table’s full when you get there. C’mon, Lib,’ said Caro. ‘Let Miss Goody Two-Shoes wait for Miss Poshy-Pants.’
I trailed behind as they giggled out, then hung round the Lab door to earwig. If Raven was getting told off, it was in French too fast and blurry for me to understand, with a weird accent that made Oui sound like Oo-weh. I could only catch odd words, Rive Gauche, apartement, arrondissement, and wondered if they were swapping addresses. Then they parted with French kisses (on both cheeks, I mean); and as she came out, waved off by a beaming Joob, Raven shrugged at me.
‘So shoot me, I’m bilingual,’ she said as we set off down the corridor. ‘Mum’s French, I was born in Paris, my grandies still live on the Left Bank, and I’ve been going on hols there forever. Which is why getting 100% in French is no big deal for me, which is why I went ballistic in that assembly because the Head knew perfectly well, Dad had banged on about it enough trying to get me a place. You won’t tell anyone though.’ Raven’s eyes were serious. ‘You know why. Just like you won’t tell anyone about Gray Childe. Will you, Ellie?’ I shook my head, liking her more and more for not being a show-off, and feeling sorry for her because of her dad. ‘Where are we going, anyway?’ she added as we passed the Assembly Hall and Sports Block. ‘I thought the canteen was back there.’
‘It is. But I need to go out to the shop,’ (the tuck counter was closed at lunchtime to try and make us eat a proper meal), I forgot my sandwiches and it was too late to sign up for school dinners.’ Then I remembered what she’d said about honesty. ‘Um- actually, I didn’t forget. I just felt too rubbish this morning to even think about food.’ I didn’t now, though, and my mouth watered as I tried to decide whether I most wanted something from the chippy or a Cornish pastie and chocolate Swiss roll from the baker’s next door. Then I suddenly felt sick again, because when I slipped my hand into my blazer pocket all I could feel was a 50p piece left over from last time I wore it, not the fiver Mum had left on the little hall table where we keep the keys, where I could pick it up on my way out. Oh, great. I dug in every other pocket, slowed down to look in my bag. No joy. Cup-a-soup from the drinks machine, then. ‘Um- sorry, Raven, we’ll have to go back, I actually have forgotten my lunch money.’
She shrugged. ‘No worries, we can share my pack-up. Let’s go picnic on the playing field.’
We cut between the hard tennis courts and came out onto the fields, which have trees and tall hedges all round to keep in wild balls and screen them from the road along the top, and a few benches round the sides where you can sit to re-lace your boots or wait to be called in to play. We didn’t bother with those, we just picked a nice sunny spot and sat down on our blazers, turned inside out in case of grass stains, and took our jumpers off too because it was so warm.
Raven pulled out a long oblong tin from the bottom of her bag and opened it. One end was filled by a light brown box, like a shell, and the other by a banana curled round a pear, with brown paper bags tucked between. Pulling the box apart, she shook half its contents into the top and handed it to me. ‘Here you go, Mum’s version of Waldorf salad. It’s better than the recipe, she puts toasted seeds and pine-nuts in as well.’
‘What are those?’ I pointed to some crinkly brown chunks among the chopped celery, apple, and grape.
‘Marinated tofu.’ She popped a piece into her mouth. ‘Try some, it’s delish.’
I did, and it was. But I couldn’t see how to eat the salad without getting mayonnaise down my new shirt and getting killed by Mum, so I said, ‘Um- have you got a fork or something I can borrow?’
Raven grinned. ‘You don’t need one.’ To my surprise she opened her mouth wide, took a huge bite of the box and started crunching. ‘Hemp,’ she said when she could talk again. ‘Place Mum buys them does edible plates and bowls too. Brilliant idea, isn’t it?’
I nibbled the edge, which reminded me of crispbread or a savoury Cornetto. ‘Mm – yeah.’ It was too chewy to say much more until we’d finished. Then as Raven gave me her pear because I’d already had a banana, she punched me in the stomach with a question I hadn’t expected.
‘So what happened to your friend Fiona? She’s not dead, is she?’
Boing. More of a clench, actually, as if icy fingers had just grabbed my insides and squeezed hard. ‘No, but she almost might as well be!’ I blurted. Tactless, but I was suddenly too upset to think what I was saying. ‘She’s in Canada. Five thousand miles away! And she didn’t want to go but she had to because of her dad’s stupid promotion, and she used to live round the corner, and we saw each other every day- I mean, every day, our mums took turns feeding us on school nights, and at weekends she usually stayed at ours because of her brother.’ (Eight-year-old Jamie, ‘lively’ to his mum, was ‘a total pain’ to me and Fi, always messing with her stuff and barging into her room when we were in there, unless she remembered to wedge her door shut). ‘But now we can’t even talk when we feel like because of the time difference, only for an hour on Sundays!’ The hand squeezed again as I remembered I couldn’t text either until I got home and re-charged my phone.
‘Oh. Sorry, Ellie.’ Raven squeezed my hand, which felt much nicer. ‘You must miss her a lot… had you always been besties?’
‘No, we went to different junior schools, I only met her when we started here. We were both shy and scared stiff, and sort of clung together even when we’d settled in and got to know other people. So yeah, I miss her, and everything’s been horrible since we found out.’ My eyes filled as I remembered that Wednesday night. I’d been at Fi’s as usual till our nine o’clock curfew and was just getting ready for bed when she came racing round, banging on our front door in hysterics – like I was, when I finally understood what she was trying to tell me. Ugh. ‘You know, her folks didn’t say a word about Canada at first. Not a word! Fi thought her dad was just away on business when he went for his interviews, even the second time when her mum went with him, because it was no big deal, she often did,’ I grimaced, ‘and if they were just off for the evening, a works dinner or something, me and Fi used to babysit Jamie. Anyway, they said they didn’t want to upset her for nothing in case he didn’t get it, so they waited till it was official, then announced they were emigrating, and she wouldn’t be coming back to GSA this term – three days before we broke up!
‘It was awful at school for the rest of that week. Obviously, her mum told the Prince but Fi had to tell the class, and she started crying again, and got sent to the office to have a cup of tea and calm down, then on her last day we had a special assembly with a slide show about Canada, and Fi had to stand up at the end while everyone clapped and said goodbye.’
Raven rolled her eyes. ‘Oh my God.’
‘Yeah, and all the grown-ups trying to be kind, cheer her up, saying what a great country, what a wonderful opportunity, you’ll soon make new friends blah blah, and Jamie practically bouncing off the walls because he can’t wait… and then we only had four weeks left, and that was all packing, and getting rid of stuff she couldn’t take with her, and helping her help her folks get the house ready to sell.’ I gulped. ‘The only good bit was the massive leaving party they threw in town. Everybody went, even some of the teachers – it would’ve been brilliant if it hadn’t been so sad. And that was it – they left next day to get settled in before Fi’s term started on the twenty-eighth, and her dad started his new job on September the first.’
‘What does he do?’
I didn’t really know. I wasn’t sure Fi did either, although she’d tried to explain. ‘He’s something called a Logistics Manager, and he works- I mean, used to work, in Leeds for a company called CanCom. They organise and televise big concerts and sports events.’ I’d been quite excited at first when Fi told me that, but her dad never got to meet famous stars, his job was doing important but boring stuff behind the scenes, like making sure the stadium ordered enough toilet roll for fifty thousand people. ‘And their head office has just opened some new section in Montreal, and they picked Mr McD to go and Logistics Manage it – worse luck for Fi and me.’
‘Oh my God.’ Some of the pink had gone out of Raven’s cheeks. ‘I don’t believe- this is so freaky.’
‘What?’
‘CanCom Montreal. Their new section – It’s called NAMCom, North American Music Company, and it’s going to produce music for Canadian and American bands as well as promoting them and organising gigs and stuff. I know, because it stands for North American MoonChild as well… it was CanCom that Mum sold the business to.’
‘What?’
‘Uh, yeah. See what I mean about freaky? Fiona’s over there, and we’re here, and it’s all sort of our fault. Sorry, Ellie.’ My mouth opened and shut like a goldfish. ‘It’ll be OK, though,’ Raven added hastily. ‘Mum says everything happens for a reason, and maybe this has happened because we needed to meet. I mean, I know I can’t replace Fi and I’d never try, but I don’t know a soul here my own age, and I could really use a friend I can trust, so maybe I could- well, cling to you for a bit?’ Her eyes appealed, softly blue. ‘If you don’t mind. If you don’t hate me too much now.’
I still couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Then suddenly my stomach thawed, and a huge, melty rush of relief bloomed on my cheeks, making them feel (for once) just warm, and pleasantly pink. I didn’t want to be Ellie No-Mates, or odd one out with Libby and Caro, and it was much too late to hate Raven because the thought of being friends with her made me feel better than I had for weeks. So to tease her, I looked away, stuck my nose in the air.
‘Mm. Whatever. But Baldy told me to take care of you, so I’ll have to suck it up.’ Then I poked her in the ribs. Raven poked me back with her banana and caught a tender spot that creased me up. Then we had a poking fight and giggled ourselves silly. ‘It’s not really your fault though, is it?’ I said when I got my breath back. ‘I mean, it’s not like your mum tried to mess our lives up on purpose. Besides,’ I looked down, suddenly shy, ‘mine doesn’t feel so messed up now.’
‘Whew. Thanks, Ellie – that means a lot.’ Raven unzipped her weapon and chomped off the end. ‘I’d explain why, but it’s a long story- oh, I know! Come back to ours for tea and I’ll tell you the whole thing! Mum’ll be really glad I’ve started making friends already – and she won’t believe it when she finds out who you are, and how we’ve come to meet.’
My mum was glad too, I could tell by her voice when I borrowed Raven’s phone to ask if it was OK. And I was practically sick with excitement because of what Raven might tell me, the gory details that hadn’t made it into the papers or gossip mags, and I couldn’t wait- which must be exactly why she didn’t want people going on about her, or knowing who her dad was, because they’d be just as nosy as me – which made me feel so ashamed I had to stuff my mouth with her pear to stop it saying anything stupid.
‘It’s not like it’s a state secret,’ Raven went on as if reading my mind. ‘I don’t care if people find out gradually, just not till after my party. I want them to get to know me as me first, without sucking up to Gray Childe’s kid for what they think they can get or hating me for things I can’t help and never wanted in the first place. And you will come, won’t you, next Sunday?’ She raised a neat eyebrow. ‘It’ll be brilliant, just like the old days. You’ll love it.’
‘Um- yeah, look, about your party… are you sure you want to invite everyone? I mean, the whole class?’
Raven’s eyebrow went higher. ‘Yes, why not? It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.’
‘Um, well-’ I hesitated. It seemed only right to warn her, though I didn’t like being a grass- then again, Chard could be a real bitch and she was going out with the lad who made my stomach go boing, so I didn’t feel I owed her anything. ‘It’s just that- well, the Year 12 lads let Josh Brown and Jake Adams and Chardonnay Jenkins share their spliffs in the bike sheds because she shows them her Wonderbra. With her chest in, I mean,’ I mimed unbuttoning my shirt, ‘she doesn’t just bring one to school. So they’ll probably try and sneak some weed or alcopops or something in so they can sneak off somewhere and get smashed.’
‘Oh. Thanks for the heads-up, I’ll tell Mum.’ The sly dimples reappeared in Raven’s cheeks. ‘I’m sure we can handle a few teenage stoners. And shall I tell her I’ve had my first RSVP?’
My braces flashed in a big steely grin. ‘Yes, if she’s catering!’ By now we’d finished the last bits of dried fruit, drained the last dregs of lassi, and split a yummy cherry-almond flapjack. I felt nicely full, but not over-stuffed and sleepy like I often did in the afternoon, and very grateful that Raven had saved me from starving, or going home to be told off for forgetting my money, or worst of all, getting a cardboard cup of powdery lumps from the drinks machine with my lonely 50p. ‘Yeah, thanks for sharing your lunch, I really enjoyed it.’
‘My pleasure. We can do it every day if you like. I never manage to eat the whole lot on my own, no matter how hungry I am.’ Raven folded up the paper bags, put them back in the tin with her empty flask, put the tin back in her bag, and her sweater back on. ‘And now please can you show me where the Science Block is? I’ve got Double Physics there after registration.’
‘No problem. But don’t worry if you forget the way, you can always follow Caro. She does Phys too.’ I shuddered. ‘And Chem and Advanced Maths.’
Chapter 2: After School
We met up again in homeroom for our last period, another easy one I liked. Rel Studs was taken by Deefor, aka Doctor of Divinity David Davies, who looked like a cartoon monk with his smooth pink face and halo of silvery hair round his big pink bald patch. This term we’d be studying Lives and Teachings of the Great Prophets, which sounded interesting, and I felt quite cheerful as the front row handed round New Testaments and information sheets about Jesus and His Apostles, but Raven seemed quiet and thoughtful right up until the home-time bell went at twenty to four.
‘What’s the matter?’ I asked her through the babble of voices and scraping of chairs as everyone leapt up to go.
‘Oof.’ She made a face. ‘Physics. It was so totally grim I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to go home! So, are you ready to come chez nous?’
Oh yes. ‘Whereabouts do you live?’ I asked as we retraced our lunchtime route past the fields to the back gate. ‘I don’t come out this way much.’ When I did, I always turned right to go to the mini High Street with the chippy and pizza-kebab takeaway, and the baker’s with the little pavement café which sold yummy sausage rolls and Russian slices as well as the best-ever pasties and baby Swiss, and the newsagent and hairdresser and greengrocer and nail bar and dog-groomer, and the tattoo parlour where Chard Jenkins went with her sister’s college ID and got her belly-button pierced illegally; or further on, to the new-build estate where Libby lives, and Chard and one or two other classmates I don’t hang around with.
Raven turned left instead, towards the old church and rectory on the edge of town where the houses turn into allotments and dry-stone walled fields. ‘Over there.’ She waved vaguely at a clump of trees up ahead. ‘Don’t worry, it’s not far.’
‘Did you move in over the summer hols?’
‘Yes. Three weeks ago, officially. But I’ve had a room here forever, it was my godparents’ place – only they wanted to downsize, and my god-bro and sis didn’t fancy taking it on, so the goddies thought they’d have to sell it to a stranger until Mum stepped in.’ She smiled. ‘And now everyone’s happy. They can still visit whenever they like, and we absolutely love Hidden House. It’s the only real home we’ve ever had.’
I looked at her in surprise. ‘What do you mean? How come?’
Raven giggled. ‘Well, the Prince was right, I do have fascinating stories to tell about my travels. I just don’t like to because some people don’t like travellers, and that’s what we were. Real travellers, I mean. As in Mum and Dad had no steady jobs, no money to speak of, no belongings except what fitted in the bus, and no fixed abode – unless you count the old warehouse where Dad had his studio, it was big enough to park inside and we sometimes stopped there for a bit. The rest of the time we were either on the road, or at some festival, or camping out with family and friends. I didn’t live in a house properly until I was ten or go to school till I was eleven, and I hated every single minute of both.’ She dimpled. ‘But I know I’m going to be really happy here.’
My mouth did the goldfish thing again. ‘Oh yeah, and before you say, ‘Wow, no school, lucky you, what a doss,’ blah blah,’ Raven went on just in time, ‘believe me – it wasn’t. I mean, you got, what, three months holiday a year, right? I didn’t! None of the traveller kids did- oh, it’s no good, I can’t tell it like this, all mixed up. I’ll have to start at the beginning. If you’re sure you want to hear.’
‘Yes please! Honestly, I’m really interested, I’ve never met a proper traveller before. I can’t imagine- I’ve never not lived in a house, or ever gone away anywhere for longer than a fortnight.’
Raven gave a tiny nod, as if I’d passed some kind of test. ‘OK. Well, it all starts way, way back with Mum’s family… they lived in Paris before the Revolution, and some went off to fight in the American War of Independence and settled there afterwards. They still live in New Orleans, and they’re still called Desmoulins-’
‘What? Like that journalist?’ (We’d done the French Revolution in History last year, and I felt pleased with myself even though I couldn’t remember his first name).
‘Camille Desmoulins? Yes, but they weren’t related – and when he got his head cut off, they didn’t want anyone thinking they might be! So they cleared out to lay low with country cousins, then came back as good little Republicans with their name changed to Moulin to sound more ordinary.
‘Fast forward to twentieth century. Marie-Louise Moulin born, grows up arty and musical like her mum and dad, visits the Louisiana Desmoulins every summer, and gets seriously into the local sounds – you know, zydeco, Cajun, bluegrass.’ (I didn’t, so I just nodded wisely). ‘And some of the cousins put a band together, and she starts jamming with them, then stays over to do a season on the circuit as Mary-Lou and the Catfish Crew. And they do pretty well, so they release a song called ‘Jolie Blonde’ with Mum’s version of ‘Jolene’ on the B-side, and it turns into a big hit in the Southern States. So then the grandies arrange for them to come and do a little tour in France, and someone hears them and invites them to play at some festival in Cornwall – and that’s where she meets this totally hot blues guitarist called Graeme Childe, and boom! Love at first sight for them both.’
I sighed, picturing it. ‘How romantic.’
‘Yes, especially because he’d dropped out of an engineering degree to do music and stuck at it even though his folks were always on at him to stop messing about, go back to uni, get a real job, settle down blah blah.’ Raven made a face. ‘Not that I ever met them. There was a fire, faulty wiring or something, on the actual night after the festival when Dad was driving Mum up to introduce her as his fiancée… they got back to Yorkshire to find a gutted house crawling with firemen and police, both his parents dead of smoke inhalation, and him with nothing left but a rucksack of dirty laundry, his camping gear, and a vanload of instruments.’
‘Oh my God! How awful.’
‘Yeah… although it did mean he got a big wedge of insurance money and no-one to nag him about how he spent it. So he rented this old warehouse on the river in Wakefield, blew most of it on the business, and the Crew came to help him set up a rehearsal space with its own little recording studio so they could release their own stuff and help out other musos. Mum had already started calling herself Moon because she was sick of people mispronouncing Moulin, and Dad was a massive Rory Gallagher fan, so they decided to call themselves MoonChild Music, and bought a bus and had it painted black with silver stars and a huge silver logo, you know,’ she waggled her ring at me, ‘and all fitted out inside for touring. They got married not long afterwards – changed their names by deed-poll to Moon-Childe, even released a cover version of ‘Moonchild’ to celebrate.
‘And when I came along nine months later, I just slotted in. Obviously, it seemed totally normal to live on a bus – one of my first memories is sitting in my car-seat completely covered by this huge AA map, trying to follow the roads with my finger. I got so good at it Dad used to use me instead of the sat-nav.’ Raven’s eyes went misty. ‘We were like medieval troubadours… we only did small local festivals, so it was very cosy, all the regulars knew each other and us kids were in and out of everybody’s tents and caravans the whole time, so it never mattered that I had no brothers or sisters because we felt like one big family. Not going to school didn’t matter either, because the ones who did used to tell us what went on, and it didn’t sound as if we were missing much. Mum and Dad were bright enough to teach me all I needed plus a lot more, so I was properly home-schooled – and of course we were learning all the time just by going different places and doing stuff.
‘Anyway, they were brilliant parents, and I had a brilliant childhood – although a lot of people would think it was crap, which is another reason I don’t talk about it. No monster TV, no X-Box, no Guitar Hero – we had real guitars! – no big flash car, nothing new because everything got re-used and recycled until it fell to bits… having to do chores every day, forage for kindling, mind the camp-fire, empty the chemical toilet… no MacD or KFC because practically everyone was veggie or vegan… but I totally loved it, so I totally don’t need anyone’s snark or pity, especially when they haven’t the first clue what they’re talking about.’
By now we’d reached the clump of trees, which I saw were in the front garden of a big old house with the nameplate ‘Grange Farm’ and a hand-painted sign, FARM SHOP – FRESH FREE-RANGE DAIRY, FRUIT & VEG, LOCAL HONEY, SEASONAL CRAFTS, with an arrow pointing down the little lane next to the gate.
‘Grange do lovely butter and cheese,’ Raven said as we passed. ‘We get our eggs there too, until I can persuade Mum to let us keep hens. And that’s where the farm labourers lived,’ she added, waving at a row of pretty red-brick cottages with Idenowes Terrace 1825 engraved on a sandstone block under the middle roof.
‘Iden-owes?’ I read aloud. ‘What a funny name! I’ve never heard that one before.’
Raven laughed. ‘No, or you’d know folk here say it ‘Idden ‘ouse,’ which if you stick the aitches back on makes ‘Hidden House,’ and you’ll see why it’s called that in a minute.’
Catching my arm, she pulled me round onto a rough little lane, not much wider than a car, between the end of Idenowes Terrace and the stone wall of the next field. Looking back the way we’d come, I realised we’d been climbing a long, gradual hill – no wonder I felt a bit puffed – and the church clock practically opposite the cul-de-sac leading to the GSA back gate struck four just as I looked at it. About the same time as I’d normally get home, or to Fi’s. My cheeks burned a bit pinker with guilt that I’d not even thought about her since lunchtime – and now I didn’t have time to think any more, because Raven was striding off up the lane.
I hurried after her, gawping into the long, narrow cottage gardens on my right. They all started outside the back door with the same little paved yard and outhouse and washing lines; then some had lawns sloping gently up the hillside, ending with a brick wall and thick woods beyond, while others went up in terraces with stone walls and steps and rockeries; but my favourite was the one on the end, nearest to us. The yard had a picnic bench with a green and white striped umbrella and loads of potted plants and hanging baskets, and white roses climbing round the door, then two strips of bright green lawn with yellow and bronze and orange daisy-type flowers round the edges, and a crazy-paved path in between leading to an arch cut in a high privet hedge, with steps up to a neat vegetable garden on the right, and a gnarly old apple tree surrounded by bushes – currants, gooseberries, I couldn’t tell, I was rubbish at plants – on the side by the lane.
When the gardens ended, the brick wall carried on enclosing nothing but scruffy grass and trees. It was the same on my left, only the wall was grey stone with a high thorny hedge towering behind it, and a prickly undergrowth of brambles, then a band of trees too thick for me to see through to the other side, or even if it had one. Then I caught up with Raven, standing on the brow of the hill with her elbows propped on a wide wooden gate with a carved nameplate, IDENOWES FARM.
‘This is one of my favourite views, anywhere, ever,’ she said dreamily, ‘and now it’s all ours! Well, as much as humans ever can own bits of the planet. We’re just caretakers, really… passengers on Spaceship Earth.’
I propped my elbows alongside and looked down a proper lane, paved with flat cobbles, running steeply down between the field walls. On our right was a meadow of nodding long grass, with trees and a high rocky hillside behind. On our left was a sort of wild valley with bushes and more trees, and little glades full of tall white daisies and rattling dry seed-heads, and winding mown paths, and a small stream with willows weeping into it at the bottom. And straight ahead I finally saw the Hidden House, grey stone like Grange Farm but looking much older, with small windows and big blotches of yellowy-orange-brown moss and lichen on the roof, and a big stone barn sticking out at right angles from each end. The open square in between must’ve been a farmyard once, all muddy and hoof-churned and stinky with poo; but now it was a shady garden with grass and flowerbeds and a life-size stone wishing well with a proper tiled roof and wooden bucket, not like the plastic tat you usually see on people’s lawns; and the hay-racks on the walls were full of bright trailing flowers, like the hanging baskets by the doors and the window-boxes under the windows.
For a few seconds I felt too jealous to speak. Then I wished I hadn’t. ‘Wow! What a gorgeous place! Oh my God, Raven – you’re so lucky to live here.’ And by the time it sank in that she’d only come to live here because her dad had just died in a horrible way and her mum had sold their business to CanCom, it was too late, and I wanted to sink through the floor. ‘Oh, God – look,’ I started babbling, ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean-’
‘No.’ Raven shook her head. ‘Don’t be. I’m not. Gray Childe – the one you know from the news – he wasn’t my dad, he wasn’t a very nice person, and I don’t miss him at all. My real father died when I was ten and I still miss him every day, but I’ve had plenty of time to get used to it.’ I must’ve looked totally confused because she went on, ‘It’s another long story – I’ll explain later, after you’ve met Mum. Come on, I’ll race you!’
Tucking her bag under her arm, she climbed over a stile next to the gate and set off running down the cobbled lane, whooping as she went. I hurried after, my bag thumping my hip – good job it was well-padded – as I jogged, faster and faster, then the slope caught me and I was running, bounding, feeling like the Seven League Boots guy in the fairy-tale, and shrieking as madly as Raven. Luckily the hill flattened out before we both crashed into the house and we slowed down, giggling breathlessly, as the lane ended in a cobbled crossroads with arms going left and right to the barns, and a flagstone path in the middle leading to the ancient wooden front door, (no roses round it, just a small green conical bush in a bright red pot on either side).
Raven headed left. ‘We’d better go in through the garden room,’ she panted, ‘tidy ourselves up a bit first.’
My stomach went boing, then filled with a squirmy excitement. I’m the world’s nosiest person (though I do my best to hide it). Ever since I could crawl, I’ve loved poking round other people’s houses. I don’t care if it’s a council flat like Nana’s, or a semi like ours, or a detached like the McD’s, or a huge stately home like Temple Newsam, where my folks took me to try and cheer me up after Fi went – I just love looking at other people’s stuff, their books and pictures and ornaments, the way they decorate their rooms, trying to get a feel for who they are. Rellies and family friends learned years ago that if they didn’t have a suitable book and a bag of sweets handy, letting me pick through their fusty old wardrobes trying on funny old clothes and shoes, or through junk in the attic looking for forgotten treasures, or through jewellery boxes, scrap books, or faded peeling photo albums, could keep me safely quiet for hours. It was the only thing that had made helping Fi pack her house up remotely bearable. So I felt a bit disappointed when Raven walked straight past an obvious set of garage doors, because I was dying to see what sort of car her mum drove, then past a sort of rough stable door in two halves. But I couldn’t help asking, ‘What’s in there?’
‘Just car stuff, tools – nothing interesting,’ she replied, heading for the next door along. This she did open, and we went into something like our garden shed only fifty times bigger, with whitewashed walls and a channel carved in the stone floor, I guessed to drain away animal wee. Glancing hungrily left as Raven turned right, I saw a little red tractor, two lawnmowers and some agricultural-type machines – I had no idea what they were for – with brooms and rakes and hoes and shears and hedge-cutters and other smaller tools standing neatly in wooden racks or hanging on the walls. Then I followed her through an earthy-smelling room fitted out with wooden shelves and benches, covered in plant pots and seed trays and watering cans and coloured planters of all shapes and sizes, with reels of hose and sacks of compost and garden umbrellas and fold-up furniture stacked round the sides. (My parents would’ve been green with envy – our garden shed was so full, every time Dad wanted to cut the grass, he had to take the deckchairs and picnic table out before he could get at the mower).
‘This is the garden room,’ Raven said, although I’d worked that one out for myself, ‘and there’s a sort of loft apartment up there for guests,’ she went on before I could ask, pointing to a rustic half-staircase, half-ladder, leading up to a square hole in the ceiling. ‘I’ll show you later if you want the Grand Tour.’
‘Yeah, that’d be nice,’ I said, trying to sound casual. ‘I’m really interested in old buildings.’
‘Cool! Well, this bit’s more modern… we call it the mud room.’ Raven opened a door in the end wall. ‘It’s great if you get wet and mucky outside, you don’t have to drag dirt into the house.’
I followed her in. The mud room was much smaller than the garden room, with orangey-brown tiles on the floor, and half done out as a cloakroom – whitewashed walls with hangers for waterproofs and waders and tatty old fleece jackets and caps and big floppy hats, pegs sticking out underneath for wellies and work-boots, and wooden cubby-holes under the pegs full of Crocs and walking sandals. The other half was a bathroom, all white tiles with a shower cubicle in the corner, a heated towel-rail next to it, and a toilet and washbasin.
‘Help yourself to whatever if you’d like to freshen up,’ said Raven, hitching up her kilt, ‘and please excuse me, I’m bursting.’
I turned away while she peed, bent over the sink, and washed my sweaty face with a piece of rose-scented soap with pink petals in, then stood aside combing my hair while Raven washed her hands and rubbed in some cream from a little glass jar.
‘Here, try this,’ she said, passing it to me. ‘Another Mum special, made with our own orange blossoms.’
‘Oh,’ I translated the label aloud, ‘is that why she calls it Me?’
Raven laughed. ‘It’s Moy, not Moi. Short for moisturiser. Her little joke.’ She opened the shower cubicle and pointed to two bottles on a glass shelf inside, marked Poo and Dish. ‘She can’t be bothered to write out full labels for our house stuff.’
I rubbed some in, sniffed my hands, then rubbed some on my face too because it smelt so fresh and sweet, unlike me at the end of a school day. ‘Mm, thanks. It’s lovely.’ I glanced at myself in the mirror over the sink. At least I looked clean and tidy-ish, which was as good as it got. ‘Right, then – where to now?’
‘To see Mum and get a snack. I’m starving, aren’t you?’ I realised I was as Raven opened a door I hadn’t noticed because it was covered with tiles like the wall. We went through a little vestibule into a dining room like you’d see on Emmerdale Farm or something: a flagged floor with a huge coloured rag rug in the centre and a huge polished table in the centre of that, surrounded by twelve chairs; dark beams in the ceiling; a high shelf of serving dishes and jugs and teapots and sauce-boats running round three walls; a great big dresser filled with dinner plates, bowls, mugs, cups, saucers and jars of pickles and preserves; and a great big sideboard under the window set with all sorts of glasses and bottles of drinks.
Only the bottom half of the wall facing us was solid. The top half was like a fence made of thick vertical beams, with wide gaps in between and an open door in the middle so that you could see through to a passageway and a kitchen on the other side. It was the same size, with the same half-wall, and laid out like the dining room except that the sideboard was a big old-fashioned white sink, like a tank, with a wooden draining board and plate-rack, and the dresser was an Aga cooker, and there was a brick fireplace big enough to stand inside, with a black iron stove and wire racks above for drying things on, and bunches of flowers and herbs and onions and garlic bulbs dangling from the ceiling beams, and the pine table was smaller and rougher, with only six chairs round it, set with a loaded tray I hoped was for us.
‘Maman! We’re home,’ called Raven, taking off her blazer and hanging it on the back of a chair.
Faint music I hadn’t registered until it stopped, stopped. ‘Hallo!’ a voice called back. Then I heard a slap of feet on flagstones and a few moments later a taller, older Raven burst in, smacked kisses on her daughter’s cheeks, then turned to me and did the same.
‘Hallo, my dear,’ she said, sounding totally English apart from the ‘a’ in ‘hello.’ ‘Welcome to Hidden House! It’s a pleasure to meet- Eloise, isn’t it? How delightful. Were you named after our famous French romantic heroine?’
‘Um.’ I swallowed. Raven’s mum was definitely what the rude boys would call a MILF: deeply tanned, eyes a shade lighter and greyer than Raven’s, a petite Baldy-beak, a big white smile, and a big bush of dark hair threaded with silver, tied into a loose ponytail with a piece of garden string. She was wearing an unbleached, shapeless cotton hand-knit over calf-length cargo pants that might have been dark chocolate once, now washed to a pale milky cocoa. Her feet were bare, her toenails unpainted, her hands and forearms and the shoulder her jumper kept slipping off all brown and strong and veiny like a man’s, but feminine at the same time; and the few lines in her face made her look kind and wise, not old, and Raven a bit like an unfinished drawing beside her.
At least when I untied my tongue, I knew the answer to her question because the Joob had asked me the same thing in our first-ever French class, then told us all about the great historical lovers Abelard and Heloise. ‘Um, no,’ I said. ‘After a song by some Eighties band called The Damned. Mum’s got a crush on the singer.’
Raven’s mum raised her eyebrows. ‘Indeed? Then your mother has excellent taste. Dave Vanian was seriously hot.’ Then she winked at me so naughtily I burst into giggles, and suddenly I loved Mrs M-C like I loved Mrs McD.
Raven just rolled her eyes. ‘Mo-ther! Don’t embarrass her. Come on, Ellie,’ she pulled out a chair, ‘sit down, dig in.’
‘Yes – do make yourself at home.’ Her mum poured out two tall glasses from a white cloudy jug floating with ice-cubes and lemon slices and mint leaves, while Raven picked up a crusty loaf, tore off two chunks, spraying crumbs all over the table, and put one in front of me, no plate. Then she slid the tray across, dunked her chunk in a bowl of greeny-yellow oil with a peeled garlic clove in it, bit it off, and chased it down with a black olive. I pulled off a small piece, dipped in a corner and tried it. Wow. My breath was really going to smell- ah well, it wasn’t like I’d be snogging anybody tonight. Any night, come to that. I tried to wash the garlic taste away with the drink, which turned out to be either flat lemonade, or the lemoniest lemon squash I’d ever tasted. It was so good, and I was so thirsty, I gulped most of it down in one go, then tried Mrs M-C’s home-made sun-dried tomatoes, and a couple of olives, and a slice of Grange Farm cheese, and some baby pickled gherkins she called cornichons to go with the rest of my bread, (which I kept dipping in the oil to try and get used to the garlic, because I knew it was supposed to be a very French taste).
Raven downed a second glass of squash and let out a resounding burp. ‘Oops – pardon me! Thanks, Mum, that was great. Is it OK if I show Ellie round now? She likes old houses.’
‘Yes, of course. Eloise, I say to you as I say to all guests: our home is your home. Go where you like, when you like; all I ask is that you don’t enter my bedroom alone. Oh, and if you wouldn’t mind picking me a few things for dinner before you go exploring.’ She said something in French to Raven I couldn’t catch catch, then to me, ‘We’re just having soup and salad, nothing fancy.’
My heart sank. Those were probably my least favourite things. But I was only missing Remnant Risotto at home, the last gasp of Sunday’s roast minced up with fried onions and frozen peas and sweetcorn, after we’d had the best cold cuts with bubble-and-squeak on Mondays. Sometimes Mum got adventurous, threw in a handful of sultanas and a teaspoon of bright yellow curry powder, and called it biryani. It wasn’t exactly bad. But it wasn’t exactly good either, so I stuck on my best smile and said, ‘Lovely. Thanks very much, Mrs Moonch- um, Moon-Childe.’
‘Boh.’ She waved a hand. ‘Don’t bother with that mouthful. Call me Lou.’ I must’ve looked doubtful because she added, ‘Or Lou-lou, or Auntie Louise, or Mamalou. Whatever you’re comfortable with.’
‘Yes, whatever,’ Raven butted in before I could say, ‘Thanks, Mamalou.’ She jumped up, grabbed her blazer and satchel, and headed off down the passage. ‘Come on, we can dump our stuff in the homework room-’
‘You have a special room for doing homework?’ I gasped, following her through a door behind the kitchen.
Raven giggled. ‘Only by default. It was the goddies’ home office.’ She put her bag on a big L-shaped desk and hung her blazer on the swivel chair at one of its two workstations. I put mine on the other, looking enviously at the smart laptops and printer, the filing cabinets, bookshelves, and green velvet chaise-longue under the window (I’d always longed for one of those, ha ha), wishing my own room was this tidy and well-organised.
‘Right, I’m off to get a trug. I won’t be a minute – have a look round while you’re waiting, if you like.’ Raven went back into the passage and pointed to the room opposite. ‘The goddies used that as a breakfast room because it gets the morning sun, and down there’s the music room.’ She jerked her thumb past a big wooden staircase towards the back of the house. ‘Head for that, it’s the way out to the garden.’
Oh, joy. ‘OK,’ I said, and nipped straight across into the breakfast room the second she’d gone. It still looked like morning because of the golden carpet and primrose walls and gold-and-white stripy curtains to match four upholstered chairs set round a drop-leaf table by the window, and two big flumpy armchairs with a full magazine rack next to each. The coffee table between was piled with glossy books, and an old-fashioned glass-fronted bookcase nearby was stacked to the ceiling with green books with curly gold patterns on the spines. I just had time to read a few titles including my old favourite Black Beauty before Raven came back from the garden room with a flat wicker basket over her arm.
‘I could spend hours in there,’ I said as we headed for the music room. ‘I love books.’
Raven smiled. ‘Well, knock yourself out. Mum wasn’t just being polite, you know. If you’re my friend, this is your house too now. Come back on Friday night and hole up for the weekend, if you want… although this is a great room to read in as well, if you don’t mind me or Mum fiddling about in the background.’
My mouth goldfished again as we went through a pair of double doors into a room wide as the house, with a back wall made completely of glass, and a sliding door in the middle leading out onto a wooden deck with wooden benches and tables, and potted plants dotted around; only it wasn’t too bright and glary because the deck had a shady roof made out of beams and a tangled green grapevine with actual bunches of purple grapes dangling from it. I’d never seen grapes growing before, only in plastic bags from the supermarket. The wooden floor was mostly covered with coloured rugs, and one end was like a lounge with a big squashy crimson corner couch, scattered with tapestry cushions, and the side wall covered in wooden shelves covered in knick-knacks, framed photos, and a mad jumble of hardback and paperback books. The matching shelves on the opposite side held a sound system with big speakers and hundreds of CDs, vinyl records, and tall, thin books I guessed were sheet music because the only other furniture on that side was an old piano, a couple of stools and chairs, two music stands, and a bunch of guitars, all different shapes and sizes, standing round like backing singers, with a violin, and a rack of tin whistles and recorders, and a load of tambourines, bongos, and flat drums, hanging on the walls.
Raven beckoned me through onto the deck and it was goldfish time again. We were looking down on a gently sloping orchard, some trees still sagging with fruit, enclosed by ancient crumbling brick walls that glowed as if red-hot in the sun. The side walls had arches in the middle with black wrought-iron gates; the left led to the wild valley we’d passed on the way in, and the right into a walled garden with vegetable plots and fruit bushes and a big glittering greenhouse either side of the gate, like I’d seen at stately homes.
‘This way,’ she said, skipping down the steps on the right-hand end of the deck. I followed her across a strip of lawn into the kitchen-garden, hot and sheltered and humming with bees, and into the nearest hot, humid greenhouse. ‘Pick any salad you like.’ She stuffed a cherry tomato into her mouth and a handful into her trug from a plant that smelt like cat-pee. ‘Or herbs. Anything that looks ready. Just make sure you get plenty of rocket,’ she nodded at a pot of green fronds, ‘it’s my favourite.’ I wandered behind, pulling leaves and a couple of cute plump baby cucumbers, until Raven said we had enough. Then we went into the orchard, and she showed me how to tell when a pear was ripe, and I picked three beauties that just fell into my hand as I cupped their bottoms.
‘There!’ Raven loaded them into her trug. ‘Job done. I’ll run this back to Mum – then you can hear the rest of my story if you like. OK,’ she went on when I nodded eagerly, ‘but I need to be in a Special Place to tell it… go through the gate, follow the path, and keep heading downhill, you’ll know it when you see it. I’ll catch you up.’
As she jogged away, I stood looking at the gate, feeling like Alice about to enter Wonderland – especially when I spotted the man’s face, made of carved stone leaves, peering back at me from the top of the arch. Then I took a deep breath and went through, and saw three paths, the width of a lawnmower, cut in the long grass; but only the one to the right went downhill, so that was the way I went. For about five steps. The grass felt like a soft, springy carpet under my soles, and there were no broken bottles or jagged cans or junkie’s needles or dog-poo to tread on like in the park, and it was so sunny and warm- oh, what the hell. I stopped, took my jumper off, tied the arms round my waist, kicked off my shoes, stuffed my tights inside, and tied the laces together so I could carry them. Then I walked slowly on, loving the cool dampness squidging between my hot toes, hearing nothing but birdsong and buzzing insects, smelling the musky scent of fallen leaves, winding down among the bushes and trees in a kind of green trance. So I practically fainted when a hand slapped my shoulder and a voice said, ‘Great minds think alike!’
Clutching my heart to stop it jumping out of my chest, I turned to see Raven barefoot, dangling her shoes by the laces. ‘Sorry to startle you,’ she laughed, not looking very sorry at all. ‘I thought you’d hear me coming, I made enough noise.’
‘I didn’t,’ I said weakly, ‘I was miles away. And I haven’t found your special place yet, I don’t think.’
‘No, but it’s not much further.’ Raven led the way – there wasn’t room to walk side-by-side – and we were too busy trying not to get nettled, brambled or thistled when suddenly the path widened and turned into a flight of shallow stone steps, and there between the weeping golden willows I saw the stream, only a couple of metres wide, babbling and glinting in the sun. Raven dropped her shoes, wadded her jumper into a cushion, put it on a step and sat down, her feet three steps lower, ankle-deep in water. I did the same and we sat in blissed-out silence for a minute; I felt the stream washing away all the sick pain of this morning, of this whole miserable summer, and let out a long, happy sigh.
Raven sighed too. ‘Right, then – story time, as promised.’ Drawing her feet up a step, she propped her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands and stared into the stream. ‘So, back to happy childhood… I forgot to say Mum decided to have me in Paris so she could stay with her folks, and get a GP and midwife, and be able to go to hospital if anything went wrong. And we stayed there until I could walk – I don’t remember anything about it, or that Dad was hardly ever around, but I do remember going on the road as soon as Mum thought I could cope, and absolutely loving it. Easter and Michaelmas fairs, summers at festivals all over England and Wales, winters mainly at the warehouse… it used to be a car-repair place, so it already had a sealed spray-shop Dad converted into the sound studio, and a breeze-block office bit with loos and a shower and a staffroom and kitchen, and stores upstairs with a big empty space in the middle for rehearsing. So there was loads of room for bands to crash while they were recording, and it was always fun having them around, but if things got too crowded or crazy Mum and I used to decamp to Hidden House and leave Dad to it. We had Christmas with the goddies as well if we weren’t in Paris, and sometimes we’d all go up in the bus to my god-bro Rowan’s – he’s got a trout-fishery near Oban, it’s really cool – for Hogmanay.
‘So, yeah, lovely life and it all worked just right, and when I was old enough to understand how MoonChild worked, I was totally proud of my parents. I mean, Dad sank his whole life into a business to help real musicians make real music for real fans, not churn out commercialised crap just to survive. And Mum did all the artwork for posters and CD covers and stuff to keep things as cheap as possible, and they rented the space out for cost, and got their artists off-season jobs, pub gigs and parties and session-musician work, and everyone’s making a living, and sometimes someone’s song gets played on local radio and they get a bit famous for a while, and we’re all really happy until I hit nine and the wheels fall off, big-time.’
‘Why?’ I was all ears. ‘What happened?’
She sighed again. ‘Passengers on Spaceship Earth. That’s what Dad used to call us. That’s why I always loved that song so much. Do you remember it, Le Passager? It got used for some stupid car advert.’
Oh, yes – I remembered. It had won awards. Moody monochrome, Paris on a wet night, monster black SUV, gorgeous black-haired male driver, blurry glimpses of gorgeous black-haired female passenger – a cheek, a chin, a long-lashed eye gazing out at the famous sights all lit up, reflected in rain-drippy windows. Very arty. Ends with passenger getting out at the Casino de Paris, and her name’s up in lights, and you realise she’s the singer, and next thing she’s on stage singing the song until the car fades back in and they’re driving away.
‘Well, that’s what happened. Cecile Renarde. La Voix d’Or. One of MoonChild’s folkies, Dad saw her at a club in Paris and signed her on the spot – so I’ve known her since I was a kid, she was part of the family, we all loved Sess. Anyway, Passager turns into quite a hit in France, and at first it’s exciting, we’re all pleased for her, and that MoonChild’s finally making enough money for Dad to pay the Crew – and everyone else who helped him get started – for their time, and to let bands use the warehouse for nothing now the business can afford it. So for a little while nothing much changes except to get better… but then Passager’s picked up by that car company and boom! It goes viral. So Sess releases it in English with an extended video, and that goes viral too.’
I nodded. I’d been one of the millions who downloaded both versions and watched the video endlessly. Cecile Renarde – ‘Foxy’ to the tabloids – was boy-slim and beautiful with short, spiky black hair and huge eyes so blue they looked fake, like contact lenses, and she was a great guitarist, and she sang with a husky catch in her voice as if she was about to burst into tears, and for once my folks agreed that some music I liked was brilliant; Mum said she sounded like Amy Winehouse and looked like Iggy Pop (it was true, I watched his original Passenger on YouTube and that was brilliant too, in a punkier way. And he was just as gorgeous).
‘So, suddenly MoonChild’s got a major star on its books, and everyone wants a piece of her, and she starts recording Goldenvoice,’ (her first album, I had that too), ‘and Dad’s on the phone the whole time arranging stadium gigs and world tours and interviews blah blah blah. You can’t imagine… I mean, MoonChild musos thought they were doing well to sell a thousand CDs a year, and suddenly Passager’s selling that by the hour! It was insane.
‘So, suddenly MoonChild’s big news as well-’ I nodded again, I remembered the rags-to-riches stories plastered everywhere, ‘-and people are getting interested in our other bands, especially Catfish Crew, and wanting new songs and re-releases of old ones, and pestering Mum and Dad to record a new cover of ‘Moonchild’ – and that’s when the arguments start. Dad was all for it but Mum totally didn’t want that sort of fame, to start playing Wembley Stadium at her age, or do international tours, or have paparazzi chasing us, you know, like they did with Sess and Dad. It was the first time I’d ever heard them rowing, it was awful.
‘Anyway, they compromise, just re-mix the original and jazz it up a bit and release it with a re-mix of Mum’s ‘Jolene’ – and that does really well, too. Then it’s more arguments till she caves in and agrees to make a farewell appearance as MoonChild, with the Crew supporting, to tag on for the Southern end of Sess’s American tour so we can visit the Desmoulins at the same time. It was a brilliant holiday for me… my last memory of us being happy as a family. I watched most of the gigs – they only did ten – from the wings, and in between Uncle Georges and Aunt Genie took me round New Orleans and Atlanta and Memphis, and we went to see Elvis’s house, and an old slave-owner’s mansion, and ate jambalaya and poled a pirogue down the bayou, all that good tourist stuff-’
I was desperate to ask what a pirogue was and how you poled one, but I knew the juicy part was coming and I didn’t want Raven to lose her thread, so I kept quiet.
‘-and the tour was a sell-out as well. So, now it’s add three noughts to all the numbers, and MoonChild’s mushroomed into something way too big for Mum and Dad to handle by themselves… but it’s still sort of OK because now they’re making serious jobs for other people. The goddies take over the Wakefield end, which is great for my god-sis Ferne – she goes straight from finishing her business studies degree to managing the warehouse, with her folks and their accountant down the road if she gets stuck. And Dad makes Stan the Sound Man full-time, and gives him an assistant, and finds a graphic artist to do what Mum used to… but now of course we need a proper base, a fixed address, and of course it has to be in London because God knows,’ her voice turned into Gray Childe, ‘you can’t expect top music industry executives and major promoters to fly into Leeds-Bradford for meetings in Yorkshire, can you? Although even I realised we couldn’t entertain people like that on the bus, or in a shabby old warehouse.
‘So Dad rents some ghastly glass office in Docklands, and staffs it from an agency, and finds this house… they row about that as well, but he wins because it’s a furnished let and they don’t have any furniture that isn’t built into the bus, or any time to go shopping, and Mum says no way is she hiring a personal shopper and having some stranger choose their marital bed. So we move into this huge place – thirty-five rooms not counting cellars and attics, Mum and I went round and counted one day. It belonged to some diplomat who’d gone overseas- have you ever seen the video for John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’? Well, it was like that – it even had the white room with the white concert grand! I mean, totally white. Mum would’ve liked to play the piano, but she didn’t dare go in there in case she soiled something. It’s ridiculous, we rattle round like three peas in a bucket, except usually it’s only two because Dad’s at the office or wherever. So Mum and I pretty much live in the summerhouse or the housekeeper’s sitting room – she’d gone abroad with her boss – and if Dad’s away overnight we sleep together in my room because it’s only a double bed and theirs is super king-size and makes her feel like she’s lost in space.
‘But Dad thinks it’s brilliant, he keeps wandering round saying isn’t it amazing, look how far we’ve come, who’d have thought blah blah. And he’s really getting into the image – that stupid great SUV the car company give us, and designer suits and sharp haircuts-’
I remembered this Gray Childe, he was always in the news escorting Cecile Renarde to some showbiz event, or hanging out at posh nightclubs with the stars, and Mum was always going on about how he looked like some actor she fancies called David Essex. I Googled him and she was right about the blue eyes, which were the same colour as the stripes on my favourite PJs. Apart from that I thought he was more like Aidan Turner, with the same square tanned face, creased as if he laughed a lot, designer stubble, and a curly mop of black hair going grey at the short back and sides. Definitely a DILS. (Dad I’d Like to Snog. My imagination didn’t stretch to DILF).
‘-because suddenly, after all the years of being totally free, going our own way, we’ve got to look like everyone else in this game. And act like it. I remember Dad going totally ape when he gets back from some trip to find Mum washing up in this horrible science lab kitchen because she refuses to use a dishwasher, and Post-It labels stuck all over the units so we can find the handles and know what’s inside, and me drinking coffee and talking baby German to Magda, the Polish cleaning lady. So of course, now it’s time Raven goes to school because Mum shouldn’t be doing stuff like this, he needs her at MoonChild, so it’s either school or private tutors and by then I’m like yeah, bring it on, anything to get me out of this place all day. I thought they’d just send me to the nearest wherever they could get me in, but oh no, Dad’s found a boarding school where all the top people send their children… so then we’re all rowing, not that I’d mind going away, but Mum and I think it’s an obscene waste of money. So then I get the guilt-trip – ‘I’m only thinking of you, darling, you deserve the best, I never dreamt we could ever afford to give you an opportunity like this, most girls would give their right arm, it’ll help you get into Cambridge and you know what an advantage that would be in your career’ blah blah bleurgh.
‘And I knew how whiny I sounded – oh dear, poor little Raven doesn’t want to live in a mansion or go to a posh private school, what a first world problem – and the worst thing is, he’s right, it shouldn’t but it would open doors, help me get the sort of job I want, do as much good as I can… so OK, I’ll give it a go. And I honestly try, but the others- I mean, we were pretty rich by then, but not super-rich like Saudi princes and Texan oil princesses and Russian gangsters’ kids. This one lad, Oleg, hangs round me all term then sends me a hamper from the Harrods perfume department and a hundred red roses – a hundred – for Christmas! At eleven years old, like it was nothing! Madness. And the teachers were snobs, and word soon got round who I was, and then all the kids are sucking up but they don’t just want me to get them signed photos, they want Sess to sing at their birthday party, or Catfish Crew to be the band at their big sister’s wedding, then they get all snotty when I won’t even ask. It was awful, I begged Dad to take me out but he wouldn’t, so I- well, you know.
‘The Grammar was OK though. Very upper middle-class but it’s only a day school, the staff are a lot more discreet, the girls are a lot more normal, and I can go by myself on the Tube. And the Head’s really decent, lets me wear Mum’s hat and coat instead of the uniform stuff plastered with badges, and come in the staff way like a teaching assistant, because by now we’ve got press camped out at the front hoping to see celebs, so Jeff the gardener – he was nice – lets me come and go through his little gate at the back. Plus it’s a high-achievement place so we get loads of homework which is fine by me, I’ve got an excuse to hole up in my room away from the rows because they’re always at it now. Mum wants to rein things in, try and hang onto their old values but Dad’s turned into a massive bread-head, wants to keep expanding, broaden our horizons, bring in new mainstream acts because MoonChild’s always had a rep for quality so now everyone wants in, and think what we can do with the money, cherie… She only agrees on condition that she stays behind the scenes and I’m kept totally out of it, no publicity stunts or family photos in the media… and they do give shedloads to charity, and found music scholarships, and start a trust-fund for me, and Dad buys the Wakefield warehouse and the one next door, and starts converting that into a new state-of-the-art studio – but the stupid thing about being really rich is it’s all tax-deductible, and more just keeps pouring in all the time.
‘The awful part is Dad’s so good at it. He was studying to be an engineer, remember, so he’s really good at maths, even gets into playing the stock markets… and the absolute worst part is he turns into Champagne Charlie. Before that I’d never seen him seriously trashed. Mum and Dad were never drinkers because they were practically always driving or performing – they might share a bottle of cider or somebody’s home-brew round the campfire, or have the odd toot on a spliff, nothing heavy – and all they ever got was a bit high and giggly. But cocaine,’ Raven grimaced into the water, ‘it turned him into someone we didn’t recognise. Or like. Have you ever seen The Mask? You know, mild-mannered hero puts on mask and turns into supercool superhero, bad guy puts it on and turns into super-villain? Well, coke was Dad’s mask. It lit him up. Lots of people loved it, especially women – he could really turn on the charm – but Mum and I hated it. He got so manic, with this horrible electric aura, like a flickering fluorescent, or nails down a blackboard, screeeeeeee.’ She turned a demon face to me – mad Joker grin and bulging eyes – making the sound, then relaxed it into the expression I’d seen a thousand times, the cheeky half-smile, half-cocked eyebrow, and sexy, slitted eyes Gray Childe used to give the cameras as he ushered Foxy into some awards ceremony, or some pop diva out of Annabelle’s. It made her look much older, and as if she knew what I had under my clothes.
‘Ugh.’ I squirmed. ‘Don’t, Raven. It’s creepy.’
‘Tell me about it.’ She turned back into a sad, dad-less fourteen. ‘And we used to see it a lot, because now party season’s started, that’s why we need the huge house… first it’s business dinners Mum can handle, then it’s twenty guests, fifty, plus caterers and serving staff, and I have to be in disguise, in my own home, in case there’s some pap with a telephoto lens lurking round the grounds. So the folks don’t introduce me to people, and if I want to hang out with Sess or the Crew, I scrape my hair back and wear fake specs and a white apron and carry a tray of empties because no-one pays attention to a waitress, or wear one of Mum’s old blonde Mary-Lou stage wigs and pretend to be a French au pair who can’t speak much English.
‘It might be fun, sort of, if some people weren’t so obnoxious-’ she named several names you’d recognise, but I won’t in case they sue me, they sound like the type, ‘-demanding extra security and special imported Nordic glacier water and rainforest honey to protect their precious vocal cords – Mum used to give them Hidden House spring water and Grange Farm honey, they never knew the difference – and so totally boring when they’re off their face. So I shut myself in my room when I can’t stand it any longer, and in the morning Magda tells me what pigs they are, leaving used condoms in the bathroom and fag-ends ground out on the floors and coke skid-marks on the glass coffee tables.
‘So I’m, what, twelve, and things settle into this new normal, and it’s not too bad when Dad’s on his own with us except we can’t go anywhere en famille now because he gets recognised everywhere and it’ll blow my cover, so we just hang out at home jamming, and cooking, and playing silly games like we used to – but as soon as the coke-heads turn up, bang! He’s off again, so Mum and I leave him to it. She says we might as well make the most of London while we’re here, so we sneak out the back way and play tourist, see the sights, go to exhibitions, take in shows… and it’s OK, we do lots of cool stuff, but it feels a bit hollow when we’re always worried what Dad might be up to while we’re out. School’s OK too, I didn’t really hate every minute, just the sneaking around and remembering I’m registered as Blue Mullen – Blue’s my middle name, can you believe it? – and not being able to invite friends back or say much about home, so I’m not very popular because the girls think I’m stand-offish when the truth is I daren’t get close to anyone in case they suss me out and the gossip and hassle starts, because MoonChild’s big news again when Catfish Crew splits.’
I nodded. ‘Oh yeah. I remember that. It was sad.’
Raven sighed. ‘Yes… so now it’s monster rows Stateside because Cousin Joey wants to go off for two years to star in some movie about the American Revolution. He’s really up for it even though it’s not a musical and he’s never acted in his life, and everyone except his baby brother thinks he’s crazy. Upshot is, Joey says yes, if Pierre gets a part too, and they both quit on the spot – leaving the Crew stuck without a lead singer and guitarist, right in the middle of a tour! They had to struggle on with session musicians, and afterwards they just gave up for a while until the family persuaded them to re-form, go back to their roots, stick to small gigs on home ground and enjoy themselves like they used to. And they’re doing fine now. Pierre, too – he got picked up for a bit-part in a soap opera and now he writes jingles and performs musical adverts, you know, for TV.’ She grimaced. ‘But he seems happy enough. Joey not so much, ha ha karma. The movie didn’t totally bomb, but it was never released outside the States – the critics called him ‘a decorative plank’ or ‘Dire Desmoulins’ – and half the family still don’t speak to him because they’re too embarrassed or disgusted. We lost a few other oldies round that time as well – other companies were always trying to poach MoonChild talent, and some people do want a change, to go solo, try different directions, and Mum and Dad let them, no argument. That was one thing they always agreed on. They saw themselves as enablers, they never seriously expected MoonChild to get so big, and they never wanted to stand in the way of anyone’s success, so they wrote a clause into the contracts that artists could leave whenever, no being tied to X number of albums for Y number of years or any expensive legal aggro.
‘Then Sess gets this monster, I mean megabucks offer from some big American company, and it’s headlines again. She turns them down. They up the offer – more money, modelling contracts, endorsements, you name it. She turns them down again. It gets twisted by the tabloids, ‘Money-Mad Moonchild,’ ‘More for Moi,’ crap like that, and the trolls get into her and Dad in the worst way, calling her a greedy whore, unbelievably horrible stuff. So to try and shut them up they make a press announcement-’
Yes, I’d watched it on TV with Mum and Dad, filmed on the steps in front of the MoonChild offices. Cecile Renarde looked fantastic in a little black dress with a silver MoonChild brooch, and totally took them down in husky, perfect English. ‘I owe all my success to MoonChild Music, a family to whom I am bound by love, trust, and loyalty – values I will not betray, now or in the future. Therefore I will not be signing with any other company, at any time, for any price.’ With a wave and a kiss of her hand, she disappeared back inside the building, and Raven’s dad took her place amid an explosion of flashes and questions. ‘You heard the lady. Cecile Renarde is not for sale. That’s our final word. And it’s the plain, simple truth,’ he looked straight at the cameras, ‘so please less it with the lies and abuse, all you trolls. Now, if you’ll excuse me, we’d like to get back to making music. Thank you and goodnight.’
‘-and at first we think it’s worked, her fans are saying, ‘see, told you so’ all over social media. But then the morning papers come out and it really hits the fan. Most are OK, calling her No Deal Cecile, stuff like that, except for one vile tabloid.’ I tensed. I knew what was coming. ‘There’s Sess on the front page, making her statement, and they’ve caught Dad in the background, and inset an enlargement of his face, watching her with this stupid, sappy expression, and the headline ‘Look of Love?’
I was glad Raven was staring into the stream and didn’t see me go bright red. We got that paper, and on the centrefold they’d enlarged Gray Childe’s face some more, and put it next to an old photo of him, and on that his eyes looked blue and on the new one they looked black, his pupils were so huge, and above the pictures it said in big black capitals ‘GRAY’S EYES CAN’T LIE! IS LOVE THE DRUG?’ and the article was all about whether he was in love with Foxy, or a druggie, or both. I lapped it up, I wasn’t especially interested in Gray Childe but I couldn’t get enough of Cecile, and of course I didn’t know about Raven then, or ever stop to think about their families, and friends, and how they mightfeel having millions of people gossiping about their private lives over the cornflakes.
‘Then the rest have to pick it up, and we’ve got Sess on the phone to Mum in tears saying it’s all rubbish, they’re not having an affair, and Dad gets hyper-paranoid, makes Magda deep-clean the house and flush anything she finds stronger than aspirin down the loo, and goes on this mad fitness drive, pumping iron in the home-gym and jogging round the grounds at all hours, then shutting himself in the white room plonking away on the piano when he’s not at the office. In some ways it’s better, at least he’s straight and the champagne-and-coke parties stop, and Sess stays away, and the press get bored hanging round the front gates and clear off, but in other ways it’s worse because even when he’s with us he’s not, like some weird twin in Dad’s clothes who can’t even be bothered to argue any more… and it should feel good that the rows have calmed down but it doesn’t, it feels all prickly and dark, then the storm breaks big-time when he signs SICKES without consulting Mum and bang! They’re at it again.’
I couldn’t stand Brit-rap so I’d never been a fan, though I had to admit they were cute-looking and very good dancers. Still, this was hot stuff, and I was hanging on Raven’s every word.
‘Dad manages to smooth things over – ‘these boys are serious artists, cherie, they want to break new ground, we’ve got to give them a chance’ blah blah. So she’s OK, fine, let’s hear them, and next thing Dad’s organising this welcome party for two hundred and fifty, and fifty of those are the band and their dates and bodyguards and PAs and dressers and drivers blah blah, and Sess is coming as guest of honour. And SICKES are going to play a set, so we’ve got this stage on the back lawn under a ginormous marquee in case it rains, and Dad hires a company to twine all the pathways and porches and trees with about fifty thousand fairy lights, and brings in some top club DJ to do the rest of the music, and the band are so thrilled they present him with this ridiculous sports car, bright red, talk about a penis extension. Mum and I won’t even sit in the thing, but Dad loves it of course, it suits his Mr Big image and now he can play racing driver as well.
‘Anyway, for once I feel like going as a guest, so Mum buys me a Chanel cocktail dress and a load of costume bling from a second-hand designer shop, and hair extensions, false nails, the works, and makes me up to look about twenty, and calls me Sophie and only talks to me in French so most people pretty much ignore me. Well, the men look. And it’s fine at first, everyone’s sticking to champagne and whatever they’re loaded with when they arrive, and SICKES put a gorilla in the hall to point people to the loos and stop them going upstairs, only Dad’s in a foul mood because Sess can’t make it, she’s had to fly home because her mum’s been taken ill, and we think he’s just pissed off and embarrassed that he can’t deliver – whatever, he’s getting seriously tanked up.
‘Then the band come on stage, and everybody flocks into the marquee except me and Mum, we just watch from the terrace, and they start off with one of their hits, one of those mixes where they steal someone’s riff and you think they’re going to cover something good but it’s only a sample. The guests go mad for it, though. Then they go all quiet and humble, and say they’d like us to be the first to hear their new direction, and they do a sort of reggae version of that Detectorists theme song, then some- I don’t know what to call it. Tribal, I suppose, lots of drumming and leaping about and pseudo-pagan lyrics, and a few people start drifting back into the house but Mum and I stick it out to the end. And they’re OK but not great, so now she’s in a foul mood as well, and nothing she can do because the contract’s already signed and we’re stuck with them, and I can tell she wants to have a go at Dad so I get out of their way, go wash the muck off, turn back into myself. And it’s- oh, I don’t know, eleven-ish, and I’m sitting on the bed in my ‘jamas, with my buds in, reading, and suddenly I look up and this man’s standing over me, the SICKES guy who’s supposed to be minding the stairs-’
I gasped. That was my worst nightmare – unless the guy happened to be Joshua Brown. Or Aidan Turner. ‘What did you do?’
‘I pull my buds out and ask him what the hell he’s doing in my room. I can see he’s coked out of his brains, it’s all round his nose, and he just leers at me and says, ‘You’re too pretty to be on your own, darling, want some company in there?’ and starts undoing his belt. So I shoot my foot out and kick him in the trousers as hard as I can, and he crumples and pukes on the carpet, and I video-call Mum and show her, then lock myself in the en-suite. A minute later I hear grunting and thudding about in my room, then suddenly the music stops outside, and another minute later it’s all shouting and running around and car doors slamming and driving away. Then Mum’s knocking on the door and she tells me she went straight to SICKES, told them to clear their trash out of my room and get the hell out of her house, then pulled the plug on the sounds, waved her mobile at the guests, said it was footage of someone trying to sexually assault a fourteen-year-old girl upstairs, and if they and their drugs weren’t out in ten minutes she was calling the cops. Cue mass exodus and another screaming match until Dad roars off in his stupid car even though he’s well over the limit and Mum tries to stop him, says he’ll kill someone, himself probably, wrap it round a lamppost or something.
‘He doesn’t, though. Doesn’t even get a speeding ticket, God knows how he managed that, the way he used to drive it – but he might as well have done, because that was the end of things, really. Next day he tells Mum that although he’ll always admire and respect her as a musician and business partner and mother of his child, he doesn’t love her any longer, he loves Sess, he fell in love with her when she chose MoonChild over the Americans, and he’ll always take care of us financially but now he wants a divorce, and as soon as Sess gets back from France he’s driving up to Yorkshire – she was bunking with the goddies while she recorded a new album – to ask her to marry him.’
‘Oh my God,’ I breathed. That hadn’t made it into the papers.
‘At least he has the decency not to lay this on Sess while her mum’s in hospital, but when she rings to say she’s just landed at Leeds-Bradford and she’ll be back in the studio tomorrow, he rips the phone out of Mum’s hand and blurts it all out in front of us, says he can’t wait any longer to see her and not to go to bed, he’ll be with her by midnight. Then he disappears for ten minutes, comes back screeee, obviously wired, stuffs a bottle of vodka into his overnight bag, slams out and roars off without even saying goodbye.
‘Two hours later Sess is on the doorstep in hysterics, she’d hit the M1 straight from the airport to avoid him, they must’ve passed on the road. And she’s completely grossed out, thinks of Dad like a father, would never disrespect Mum by shagging him even if she fancied him, which she doesn’t, never has, never will. And we’ve only just calmed her down when the gate buzzer goes, and this time it’s the police, and Dad hasn’t wrapped the car round a lamppost, he’s wrapped it round a tree – lost control on a B-road between here and the motorway and boom! Crash and burn, bye-bye Gray Childe. He’d been driving with the vodka clamped between his thighs, slopped some down himself, it caught fire when he’s trying to light a fag, or a spliff, or dropped a lit one, whatever, and he veers off the road trying to slap it out, doing about eighty. We find that out at the inquest. Only consolation is he didn’t burn to death when the car exploded, the whiplash broke his neck. Ha ha karma, eh?’
‘Kinell.’ It was the closest I got to the F-word but I couldn’t think what else to say, imagining Gray Childe’s last moments, drawing hard on his smoke, his blue eyes wild and bloodshot then bulging in panic as the glowing tip drops, igniting his shirt, free hand slapping frantically, foot stamping hard, involuntary, hitting the gas, the roaring red car leaping tree-wards, maybe a split-second of realisation, a rending crash, a bright fireball- then black nothing. Literally. The papers said he was burnt to a cinder.
‘Yeah.’ Raven shrugged. ‘But the funny thing about worst things is that you’re free afterwards, you needn’t worry about them happening any longer because they already have. We’ve already cried most of our tears so it’s almost a relief to be rid of the maniac coke-head who stole my Dad… anyway, this is April Fool’s Day, ha ha karma again, the papers get loads of complaints from people thinking it’s a bad-taste prank, and Mum pulls me straight out of school, and I don’t go back after Easter. The inquest is pretty grim, but everyone rallies round – and then Mum’s adamant, she’s done, finished, no more MoonChild, no more fame, and definitely no maungey funeral.’ I bit back a nervous giggle, it sounded so funny to hear such a Yorkshire word in Raven’s accent.
‘So we have Dad – what’s left of him – privately cremated, no service, no fuss, no press. We don’t even go to the crem, just stay quietly home with Sess and the Crew and listen to his old songs, ‘Moonchild’ gets lots of plays, obviously, and we talk about the old Dad, try to reclaim him, and then everyone’s crying again but it’s OK, things start getting better after that. Not so much for SICKES – they split up, can’t handle being called murderers for giving him the car even though it’s hardly their fault he crashed it – so that’s one problem solved. CanCom solves the rest. They’re French Canadian, the folks met them years ago through the Desmoulins, they handled all Sess and the Crew’s North American tours, and they’re on the phone the moment the news breaks over there – you know, terrible shock, huge loss, deepest sympathies, anything we can do to help blah blah. And Mum says yes, actually, and does a deal on the spot – signs over all the MoonChild artists who want to transfer, and the whole operation, London office, works in progress, everything apart from the studios, and leaves them to sort it out. And the minute we get Dad’s ashes back we’re out of Hell Hall and on the bus up to Wakey, and both warehouses are fully refurbed by now so we stay in one of the band apartments, and Ferne and Stan are doing such a brilliant job managing the place Mum signs it over to them. I’m not sure exactly how much CanCom paid her but it was silly money, so she can afford it and she knows the old Dad would approve, and now they’re Fernley-Moon Studios and they’re doing what MoonChild always used to, helping musicians make good music dirt-cheap… and we’re living just down the road in a place we all love, taking care of it and trying to be as normal as we can.
‘Phew. So that’s it, my life story. You’re the first person I’ve told the whole thing to, and I don’t much want to tell it again.’ Raven looked at me, shiny-eyed with tears. ‘You won’t tell anyone either, will you, Ellie?’
Dumbly, I shook my head, a little at first then harder and harder, hoping she’d understand the words I couldn’t find, NO, no way, not a chance, never never never would I add to what she and her mum had been through – any more than I already had by reading all those prying articles and lapping up every cruel scrap. And I think she did, because she just nodded back, then lowered her feet into the water, leant down and washed them, and washed her hands too, murmuring something like, ‘carry my troubles away.’ Then she jumped up, grabbed her jumper and shoes, and danced off across the stream.
‘Come on, Ellie! We need to go to another Special Place now.’
Chapter 3: Three Wishes
For a second, I thought Raven was walking on water. Then I spotted the diagonal row of stepping-stones just below the surface and followed carefully, clutching my stuff – Mum’d kill me if I soaked my new school shoes – across to a slab set in the opposite bank, just big enough for us to stand on side by side.
Raven dried her feet with her jumper, put it back on, stuffed her tights in her pocket and squidged bare feet back into her shoes. I quickly did the same, chilled by more than the stream and for once glad of my hideous sweater. Then she leapt up a sort of ladder of flat stones jammed into the bank and I crawled behind, using my hands, trying not to dirty my kilt.
When I got the top, I realised why we’d put our shoes on. This was no barefoot stroll, it was a jungle hike with four ways to go, well-trodden for the first few metres then fading into ferny undergrowth.
‘This is Five Acre Wood,’ said Raven, ‘but it wasn’t always called that. Or wooded.’ She dimpled at me. ‘See if you can guess what it used to be. I’ll give you a clue: it’s really old. And really exciting. To me, anyway.’ Plunging into the path dead ahead, she called over her shoulder, ‘Oh, and the goddies called this Maidenhowe Road. That’s your last clue till we get there.’
Maidenhowe? It sounded vaguely familiar, like a name I should know… maybe a village we’d passed through when we went to Temple Newsam? But I didn’t have the breath to say it aloud because Raven was swimming up a steep, greeny-gold hill, pushing tall stems back with her arms, making a way, holding low branches back for me as I panted behind, sweating and wondering. Could this Maidenhowe be a sort of toy village, like Marie Antionette’s hamlet where she played at being a shepherdess and made real shepherds hate her? (I’d love to see that, I enjoyed learning about it when we did the French Revolution). Or a cottage named after the place where the owner was born? My tummy squirmed hopefully. Whatever, it must be abandoned, maybe ruined, unless there was another way in – obviously no-one took this path every day walking the dog, or going to school, or nipping to the shop for a bottle of milk. Although it flattened out a bit in places, and we scrunched in and out of a couple of dips where fallen leaves had gathered shin-deep, it was mostly up; going out would be OK, but coming home would be a real drag, especially at night.
It felt like a long climb before I saw blue up ahead and stumbled thankfully out of the wood onto a bumpy grass hilltop with knuckles of rock poking through here and there, and a round hummock with three tall pine trees growing out of it near the edge where the ground fell away like a cliff, overlooking a wooded valley in every gorgeous shade of autumn. Beyond that was the main road, I guessed, because I could hear a faint roar of rush-hour traffic when the breeze blew in our faces.
It took away what bit of breath I had left. ‘Wow!’ I gasped. ‘Fantastic view!’
‘Yes, welcome to Maidenhowe!’ Raven grinned. ‘So, can you tell what it is yet?’
Slightly disappointed not to find a tumbledown cottage, I racked my geography brains. A viewpoint? Well, yes, but you’d expect a bench or something for people to sit and enjoy it, and I couldn’t see one. A headland? No, they stuck out into the sea. A promontory, then. I said it aloud, trying not to sound smug, then pointed at the hummock. ‘And that’s a knoll.’
Raven waggled her hand. ‘Sort of. It’s more than a promontory, and the knoll isn’t natural.’
The sun came out from behind a cloud as she spoke and drew shadows round its base, a sink of darkness on top among the pine trees, and a shallow line like a well-trodden road running down towards us where, as if by magic, the random lumps of rock ahead arranged themselves into a circle. It reminded me of pictures I’d seen of Stonehenge, but before I could say so, it suddenly clicked and my mind’s eye saw the hill treeless: shaped like a slice of pizza with a big pepperoni stuck on the pointy end, and deep ditches with banks either side cut across to protect a scatter of round wooden huts with conical thatched roofs, set on stone foundations to stop the timbers rotting. (Not that I’d have known if I hadn’t seen a scale model – and what came out of that mound – when we went on a class trip to Wakefield Museum).
I jumped up and down, squeaking, ‘It’s a Bronze Age village! And that’s a round barrow! And that,’ my hand shook as I pointed into the circle, ‘that’s where they think she lived, the lady who was buried in it.’ There’d been a scale model of that too, sliced down the middle like a pudding so you could see what was inside, next to the real skeleton curled up in her glass case wearing her bead necklace, with her red pottery beaker and two small knives, one bronze and one flint, and a thin gold foil jewel shaped like Raven’s trug. ‘We went to see the ‘Who Was Maidenhowe Woman?’ exhibition. But I never realised the place was here, so close to where we live.’
‘Yes, the goddies lent some notebooks and photos for it. It was Godpa’s great-grandad Josiah who dug the mound and wrote it up for Antiquaries Journal in 1870-something and planted those pines as a sort of memorial – probably to salve his conscience for grave-robbing.’ Raven smiled. ‘Although maybe the Lady thinks it’s cool to be re-born into our world and have people still visiting her and talking about her thousands of years later. I hope so, anyway.’
‘Do you think she was a princess?’
Raven shook her head. ‘More like a priestess… someone who knew about herbs and healing and chewed magic mushrooms and had visions and spoke with the ancestors.’ A funny little thrill shivered over me, and I felt suddenly sure she was right. ‘Whatever, she was special to her people and she’s special to me, so let’s visit her.’ Taking my hand, she led me to the nearest stones, set like four corners of a square. ‘Shut your eyes – and mind your head, we’re going through the porch.’ My knees went wobbly as I ducked under, feeling Raven do the same through my hand. ‘Now walk forward, we’re going to stand in the hearth.’ She giggled. ‘Don’t worry, we’re ghosts, we won’t burn.’
I shivered again, trying not to cheat, not to break the spell by looking down to see where I was putting my feet. After about six steps the ground dipped slightly, and we stopped. The breeze dropped and I suddenly felt very hot, as if the fire had sprung to life around us. Then inside my closed lids I saw her, just for a split-second, facing us on a sort of low couch covered in animal skins, wearing only her bead necklace and long auburn hair – and looking straight back at me with eyes rolled so far back in her head that only the whites showed.
Gasping aloud, I yanked my hand out of Raven’s and snapped mine open. Certain we’d stepped through a time-hole, I expected to find myself in flickering half-darkness, surrounded by timber walls and the smell of woodsmoke. Instead, the bright, open blue smacked my face, making me blink and stumble into Raven, nearly knocking her down.
She caught my arm, steadied me. ‘Are you OK, Ellie?’
‘Uh. Yeah. I think so. I just feel a bit weird.’ I didn’t want to say why, not right then, in case I sounded mad. Then my insides twinged painfully, making me hug my tummy and gasp again. ‘Oof – and I’ve got indigestion. Maybe I ate too many cornichons.’
Raven gave me an odd look. ‘Maybe. Let’s go and sit down for a minute.’ She ushered me out through the back wall and onto the shadow-path connecting the hut to the burial mound, then instead of scrambling straight up the side, set off along a faint pathway trodden in the grass, curling upwards in a gentle spiral. Weak-kneed, I followed her to the top, where we skirted the pine trees and sat down with our backs to them, looking out over the valley. I hugged my aching tum and felt a bit better as she said dreamily,
‘Imagine – people have lived here ever since there were people. There’s an Ice Age rock-shelter up in that hill,’ she waved a hand back towards Hidden House, ‘and the valley’s been farmed since the Neolithic, Godpa was forever ploughing up flint tools and bits of pot. Then the Romans stuck a signal beacon on the mound and it was used like that for centuries, old Josiah found the foundations, and some folk still call it Beacon Hill – but it’s listed as Maidenhowe in Domesday Book, and the Gardiners probably knocked down what was left of the medieval farm and built Hidden House over it in sixteen-whenever. All the land round here belonged to Idenowes or Grange back then, right up till they got slapped with a compulsory purchase order to put in the new road. The Grangers hung on to their land on the far side, but the goddies wanted to semi-retire, so they sold theirs to the Council to build the new housing estate and scaled down from farming to smallholding until they retired completely. It’s so funny – they were all set to move to some posh oldies complex near Harrogate, then the minute they did the deal with Mum they changed their minds and decided to see a bit of England before they die. So they bought a narrowboat instead.’ Raven giggled. ‘It’s no bigger than our old bus, which is how come we’ve still got all their furniture, which is just as well because Mum and I still don’t have any, only our clothes and stuff. So now they’re the travellers – but we keep their room, and if they ever get sick of the boat they can just come home and find the place pretty much as they left it, only with Mum’s name on the deeds.
‘Anyway, you were right earlier on. Despite how it happened we are lucky to live here. I’ve always thought Maidenhowe was magic… and the Lady grants wishes, if you ask nicely.’ Raven gave me a sly, sidelong glance. ‘Do you want to try? You get three.’
I giggled. ‘Seriously?’
‘Yep. Nothing big like world peace, though, just personal things.’ She stood, grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet. ‘Are you up for it?’
‘Um.’ I had so many wishes it was hard to pick just three. Also, I wasn’t sure what Raven’s game was, and I didn’t want to look silly. But what the heck, it couldn’t do any harm to play along. I thought quickly. ‘Sure, OK. I wish I-’
‘No! Not like that! You’ve got to ask properly.’ She led me into the shadowy hollow between the triangle of trees. ‘Stand there.’ Taking my shoulders, she moved me into position on the side of the deepest part facing the sun, then stood directly opposite, turning into a dark silhouette with a blood-red halo. ‘Now, this is blood magic, so we need to be blood-sisters – with each other, and with the Lady. You are still a virgin, aren’t you?’
‘Y-yes,’ I spluttered, red as the sun. Fat chance of being anything else.
‘Good. So am I. So was she.’ Raven gave a thumbs-down. ‘You can feel it through your feet, can’t you?’
‘Um.’ I was about to say no when suddenly I could; at least, a strong sense of her still being there, the maiden with her long red plaits and brain and heart dissolved into the soil Josiah Gardiner tipped back into her tomb. ‘Yes, I can.’
‘Good.’ Raven produced a fat red penknife from her kilt pocket and popped out a short blade. ‘Give me your left hand.’
Nervously, I held it out. ‘Why? What are you going to do?’
Grabbing hold, she jabbed the point into my ring fingertip. ‘That,’ she replied as I cried, ‘Ow!’ then jabbed her own and pressed them together hard. A few drops of mixed blood dripped into the hole. ‘Now say this: Maidenhowe Lady, we ask thee, to hear us, and grant our wishes three.’ We repeated the words together. I’d have felt silly if I hadn’t felt so wobbly and weak, heavy and draggy inside as if the hollow was a vampire mouth, sucking my life out through my soles while it sucked in our blood through the grass. ‘Now, we’ve got to wish aloud or she might not hear. Like this: Maidenhowe Lady, my three wishes are to be happy here… to make lots of friends… and for Eloise to be my bestie,’ her hand gripped mine as she said it, ‘at least until Fi comes home. Thank you. OK, your turn.’
What a cheat, I thought. Raven was already happy at Hidden House, who wouldn’t be. And she was bound to make friends because you couldn’t help liking her, (although that’d probably make her some enemies too). And her third wish had already come true, pretty much. I suspected the Lady was going to find mine a lot harder.
‘Um… OK. Maidenhowe Lady, my wishes three are, um, to be slimmer.’ My face burned. ‘For Joshua Brown to fancy me. And to roll my Rs properly in French.’ My tummy gave a huge cramp as I said it and I groaned, clutching myself with my free hand. Oh, no. I recognised it now, the twinges and dull ache. It had only happened three or four times since I turned thirteen, but I remembered what it meant – and that my emergency panty-liner was tucked away discreetly in my bag, back at the house. ‘Oh, God. I need to go, Raven. Now.’
‘Oh, is your period starting? How weird,’ she went on as I nodded in surprise, ‘mine did too, last time I wished here. We’d best hurry, then – goodbye, My Lady.’ She blew a kiss down the hole, then still gripping my left hand, led me straight down the side of the mound, down the pathway, through the hut circle, out through the porch – no ducking this time – and plunged into the woods.
‘Wait!’ I dragged to a halt on the edge. I’ve never liked hurrying down slopes, I’m scared of falling, and I’ve always envied slim, bouncy people who can leap down like goats. ‘I can’t run down that.’
Raven turned to me, eyes dancing. ‘If you think you can or think you can’t, either way you’re right. So tell yourself you can, and you will. Look,’ she pointed down the hillside to the trail of trampled, disturbed vegetation we’d left. ‘You can see exactly where to go. Just stick close and you’ll be fine. Besides,’ she added as the distant church bell bonged, ‘it’s quarter to six – we’ll have to run, or we’ll be late for dinner. Come on!’
She bounded away. Oh, my God. I followed, stiff and jerky, trying to hurry but almost as slow as usual. Then my insides cramped again, and I felt a wetness in my pants. Oh, my God. I speeded up, telling myself frantically I can do it I can do it I can I can I can, risked a clumsy jump onto a flat stone, bounced off onto a gentle slope of bare earth – then the ground dropped away and I was flying, somehow landing in Raven’s footsteps, I can I can I can hammering in my head, not daring to think anything else, flailing after her dark bobbing head, crashing through drifts of leaves, slowly catching her up. And suddenly I got my Seven League Boots on again, mastered my legs, began to bounce down more confidently, enjoying myself – and before I knew it the slope flattened out, the trees ran out, and I ran smack into her outstretched arms, (just as well, or I’d have ended up in the stream).
Hugging me close, Raven spun me round to use up the last of my speed. ‘There! Told you so,’ she panted. Then we both burst into breathless giggles.
‘Yeah, but I still can’t believe it,’ I gasped. ‘I never dared do anything like that before! I can’t believe I didn’t break my ankle. Or my neck.’
‘Well, you’d better believe it,’ Raven slipped her shoes off, ‘because you didn’t.’ Then she hopped across the stepping stones and started jogging back up the mown path without waiting for me.
‘Hang on!’ I floundered after her. It was all right for long-legged Raven, being into athletics and ten kilos lighter. ‘I can’t- I mean, I don’t want to run any more. Especially not uphill. My tummy aches and I’m sweaty enough as it is.’
‘No worries,’ she called over her shoulder. ‘Just come in through the music room. I’ll see you there.’
By the time I puffed up to the deck I had stitch to go with my cramps, my hair was stuck to my head and my shirt was stuck all the way down my back, not just sopping wet in the armpits. Ugh. So somehow I wasn’t surprised to find Raven sprawled on a sun-lounger in nothing but her white regulation bra and maroon pants.
‘Sorry, I couldn’t stand my clothes another minute, they were minging. Mum says to hang yours on the newel post and she’ll stick them in the wash with mine – oh, and we’ve time for a shower if we’re quick. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of spare stuff to change into, the goddies have just had a clear-out.’ She jumped off the lounger and padded indoors, beckoning me to follow.
My heart sank. I hated taking my clothes off in front of people, even other girls. Especially other girls when they were as slim and pretty as Raven or Fi, even if I knew they wouldn’t poke fun at my flab or say anything cruel. But the thought of being damp and smelly through dinner with her mum was worse – not to mention my mum’s reaction when I came home with my new shirt all limp and sweat-stained. So I fumbled out of all but my pants and slung them on top of Raven’s clothes.
She added her undies and bounced off upstairs, starkers. ‘Come into mine when you’re ready,’ she called down. ‘Turn right at the top and it’s straight ahead, I’ll leave the door open.’
I peeled off my soggy bra and buried it in my kilt, embarrassed at the thought of Mamalou touching it, and scurried after her, clutching my chest. By the time I got there, Raven had covered herself in a faded denim shirt that hung on her like a dress and thrust a bathrobe at me the second I appeared in the doorway.
Gratefully I put it on – it couldn’t have been hers, it fitted too well – then gasped, ‘Wow!’ as I took in her bedroom. Three white walls covered in doodles and sketches – my folks would go mad if I drew on my walls! – and one covered in cork tiles with snapshots, postcards, band publicity photos, big posters of Stonehenge and the Eiffel Tower, and all sorts of bits pinned all over it. A faded blue, red and white rug with a half-metre of bare floorboards all round. White furniture. Bunk beds with red, white and blue patchwork quilts to match the curtains. Shelves crammed with books, jigsaws, old-fashioned board games, Lego, and antique toys, a coloured metal spinning-top, wooden puppets and alphabet blocks, a doll with a china head. A big dapple-grey horse with a real mane and tail on red rockers in front of the window. And best of all, on its own table in the corner, a huge Victorian doll’s house, the sort you see in museums and I’d always longed for, but Mum and Dad couldn’t afford even if we had space to put one, which we didn’t. ‘I love your room! It’s amazing. I could play in here all day.’
Raven laughed. ‘Yes, we often did! This was always the nursery, Rowan and Ferne bunked in here till they were ten and got proper grown-up rooms, then it turned into mine. And this,’ she opened a door in the side wall, ‘was a dressing-room until the goddies had it converted. Come in and get showered while I sort you some clothes.’ I followed her into a marble-tiled bathroom with a black-and-white check floor, and an old-fashioned bath on claw feet with white curtains all round. ‘Help yourself to toiletries, and here’s a towel.’ Raven unhooked it from the back of a second door, then opened it and went through. ‘This is Mum’s room – I’ll be in here, so just yell if you need anything. Right then, see you in five.’
As the door closed behind her I dropped the bathrobe, peeled off my pants, and peered at them anxiously. Wet, yes, but only with sweat. Phew! I dropped them too, pulled back the curtain and climbed into the bath. It had a chrome shower attachment with old-fashioned taps and dials, and a chrome rack on the wall full of sponges, loofahs, bars of soap, and bottles of Mamalou’s Poo and Dish. Luckily there was a shower-cap, too; my hair would have to wait till I got home, it took too long to wash and dry, and tangled so badly I needed help combing it out.
The spray, hot and hard, felt so good I could have stayed under, soaping and scrubbing, for ages. Instead, five minutes later, I was back in the bathrobe, pink, shiny and fragrant. ‘Shower’s free!’ I called to Raven.
‘Great!’ I heard through Mamalou’s door. Then she came in, shrugged her shirt off, stepped into the bath, and swished the curtain closed. A second later, the water started again. ‘Aah… bliss! I’ve put you some clothes on Mum’s bed if you want to get dressed. I’ll be out in a minute.’
I felt a quiver of excitement. I’d been told not to go in on my own… but Raven said it was OK, and she was sort of with me, if not exactly in the same room. So in I went – and immediately understood Mamalou’s rule, why she wouldn’t want anyone and everyone to see. Her bedroom was a MoonChild shrine, the black wall behind the black iron bedstead one huge logo with a massive full moon painted so beautifully in silver, white and grey you could see every crater – and the only place in Hidden House (I suddenly realised) where I’d seen photos of Gray Childe, alone or with her mum, as a family with Raven, with famous friends including Foxy, or with people I guessed were the grandies and goddies. And he was over this room like a rash, grinning from silver frames on the shelves and dressing table, or playing his guitar on the walls between Catfish Crew posters and Mamalou’s original artwork and designs.
Lying on her white tapestry bedspread was an old yellowed cotton vest; a pair of drawstring-waist cotton leggings in faded denim blue; and a washed-out navy sweatshirt with a faint white woman’s profile over the words La Voix d’Or on the front and, I picked it up eagerly, a faint white list of French tour dates on the back. Oh my God – vintage Cecile, from before she was world-famous! Thoughtful Raven had even left me some new-looking big lady pants, dark pink with dark red roses, and a matching cotton pad fastened with tiny press-studs to the gusset.
I put everything on and amazingly, it fitted, although I had to roll the leggings and sweatshirt cuffs up a bit. Even more amazingly, it suited me, skimming over my bulges, and making me look relatively slim. So the Lady had granted my first wish already, in a way… I stuffed my damp knickers in a pocket and was still smiling at my reflection in the wardrobe door mirror when Raven came in, wet hair slicked back, looking like a pretty Goth in a baggy black sweater and black woolly tights – apart from her totally uncool feet in bright, stripy knitted slipper-socks, the sort with a leather sole stitched on so you can wear them outdoors.
She handed another pair to me. ‘Here, you’ll need these, the stone floors get chilly at night. Godma makes them by the dozen for the farm shop. And the paddy-pants. Comfy, aren’t they? Mum says you’re welcome to keep them, the clothes too if you like. If you don’t, they’ll go back in the charity bag when you’re done wearing them.’
I went bright red. ‘Gosh. Thanks,’ I said, as we started downstairs. ‘I’d love to keep this sweatshirt,’ I glanced fondly at it, ‘and everything else. Except maybe the vest.’ Then as we turned into the hall a smell hit us, the sort of smell you know hasn’t come out of a tin. My stomach gave a huge growl, and we practically ran to the kitchen, which was all warm and cheery with firelight from the stove, and a big brass oil-lamp hung on a beam, and a big fat candle burning in a glass jar at one end of the table. The other end was set with three wooden bowls on placemats, three forks, three wineglasses, a glass jug of ice-water, an open bottle of red wine, and our teatime loaf still lying in its crumbs in between.
‘Ah! There you are – perfect timing!’ Mamalou pulled out a chair. ‘Come, Eloise, sit. How are you feeling now?’
To be honest, it was such a relief to be clean, fresh, and safely padded that I’d forgotten about my gripes until that moment. ‘Fine, thanks, except my tummy’s a bit tender. And I love these clothes, it’s really kind of you to let me have them. And to wash my uniform.’
‘Well, it’ll be done and dry by home-time, and I’ll be glad if your mama never finds out that you went cross-country running in it, thanks to my daughter.’ Slyly, she tapped the side of her nose, then handed me a blue china Zodiac mug with a prancing silver goat on it – my star sign, funnily enough. ‘Now, this is frankincense and clary sage tea. Breathe the steam in and sip it when it cools, it’ll relax your womb and ease the cramps. Take a little wine too, it enriches the blood.’ She poured two pairs of fingers which Raven topped up with water, then sat down and emptied the bottle into her own glass. ‘Salut!’ She raised it to us. ‘Bon appetit. Dig in, girls.
‘So, tell me,’ she went on to Raven, ‘how was your first day of State education?’
‘Brilliant! Well, mostly.’ Raven launched into her tale while I launched into my salad. It was nothing like the dull lettuce-cucumber-tomato we dutifully ate for Saturday tea because it did us good and gave Mum a break from cooking. The things we’d picked actually tasted of something, all mixed with other stuff like grated raw carrot and beetroot, tiny green beans, and toasted sunflower seeds, tossed in a lemony dressing. Mm. I tried not to gobble, sipped my weak wine and weird tea to slow myself down, and was mopping the bowl out with bread when a clock somewhere went bong. I glanced at my watch. My stomach went boing. Half six! Normally Fi and I would have done a big chunk of homework by now, it was part of the deal, why we were allowed to hang out together every night, and our folks were really strict about it.
‘Oh my God!’ My gasp cut Raven off mid-sentence. ‘We haven’t done our homework! I’ll get killed when I get home!’
‘Well, I’m not bothering with Physics, there’s no point. It’s way more advanced than Gen Sci.’ She turned to me. ‘That’s what I did at the Grammar. It covered all sorts, and it was interesting, and I could follow it OK. But this,’ she pulled a face, ‘ugh. Way too much maths. I was bored to death this afternoon, I hardly understood a word, I’m miles behind everyone else, and I don’t want to waste time slogging to catch up and scrape passes in a subject I’m never going to like.’
‘Don’t be silly, give it a chance, you’ve only had one lesson,’ was what I expected to hear, what I could practically guarantee my own folks would say. But Mamalou just nodded. ‘Fair enough, I’ll speak to Dr Bates in the morning about changing your options. So, Physics we can discount. What else do you have- Eloise?’
‘History.’ Our term project was a piece of original research into local history – ‘any period, any subject,’ and our first homework assignment was a summary of our chosen topic with a list of the sources we planned to use. ‘Um, if you don’t mind, I’d really like to do a project on this place… A History of Idenowes.’
‘Great idea!’ said Raven. ‘We’ve got a whole box of stuff you can look at. And Eng Lit’s easy – pick a character from HIV Part 1 and describe in five adjectives, supported by examples from the text. I’ll go for Falstaff, he’s fun. Who will you do?’
‘Prince Hal,’ I said straight away, pleased Raven hadn’t chosen him because I didn’t want to look like a copy-cat. ‘Proud, fit, fierce, brave, show-off – it’s all in that bit you recited in class.’
‘Cool, so that’s Shakespeare sorted. And reading Chapter Two of Madding, that can wait… what else did Mr T give us? Oh yeah – ‘Compare characters of Gabriel Oak and Bathsheba Everdene, as seen in Chapter One. Do you think they’d make a good couple?’
‘Hmm. I suppose. He seems really nice and she’s a real bit- um, she doesn’t. I don’t think they’ll make any sort of couple unless she gets over herself and starts treating him properly.’
‘Correct, and well summarised.’ Mamalou smiled. ‘Although you may want to phrase it more elegantly when you write it up. Eh bien, that leaves only French, does it not?’
‘Oui, Maman.’ Raven dashed out as her mum began clearing our bowls and came back a minute later with the homework sheet, some loose paper, and a pen. ‘Here,’ she handed them to me, ‘jot your answers down. I’ll do mine in the morning.’
‘OK.’ I scanned the sheet, ten pictures of Paris with a question we had to translate into and answer in French, then translate the answer back to English. Some were very easy. ‘What is that? It is the Eiffel Tower.’ There’d be bonus marks if you could go on, ‘built by Monsieur Wotsit Eiffel for some event in 18-whenever,’ (I’d have to look that up in my notes). Some were harder. ‘How does one get from the North Railway Station to Montmartre by underground?’ which you had to work out from a picture of the Metro map. Not that I had time, because Mamalou had replaced our empty bowls with little brown crocks from the Aga, and we all shut up as we dug through golden-brown bubbly cheese into the savoury-sweet onion gloop underneath. I’d never tasted anything so delicious, as far from tinned tomato (Mum’s emergency default) as can be. If I’d been at home, I’d have licked the crock out. As it was, I used another chunk of bread as Mamalou took a sip of wine and said, ‘Now then, shall we tackle those questions – en français?’
Gulp. Trying to speak French to real French people was much worse than making conversation in class where we were all as bad as each other. But I needn’t have worried. Raven and her mum were brilliant, speaking slowly and clearly and helping me work things out for myself. Like when Raven said, ‘What does that say?’
I read it aloud. ‘Qu’est-ce que c’est?’
‘Non.’ Covering part of the line with her finger, she made me read it again, qu’est and que c’est.
‘Ah. Oops. I mean, zut alors.’ I drew a ^ under the line and put the missing ce above. ‘Merci beaucoup, Corbelle.’ But even with corrections, we were done in fifteen minutes because I didn’t have to keep stopping to look stuff up or hunt through my French dictionary and grammar, they knew everything – and it was great to know I’d get top marks for once, nothing knocked off for spelling mistakes or forgetting to make my adjectives agree. We even carried on chatting in French while Mamalou dished out dessert, poires au sirop de vin rouge, (so that was where the half-bottle of wine had gone, I didn’t think she seemed drunk enough to have drunk it), topped with Grange Farm fromage frais and runny honey. Then she offered me something blue and smelly chasing a bunch of homegrown grapes and figs across a cheeseboard.
‘No, thanks. It looks lovely but,’ I patted my tum, ‘je suis pleine.’
It was Raven’s turn to go red. Clapping a hand over her mouth, her shoulders shook as she fought to keep the words in – and lost. ‘Not unless you’re in calf!’ she exploded, then collapsed into giggles.
Mamalou frowned. ‘True, a farmer might say, ‘Ma vache est pleine,’ of his pregnant cow, though it’s rather a vulgar expression. ‘J’ai assez mangée,’ is more appropriate here, Eloise. But remember,’ she added kindly, ‘we all make mistakes… for instance, I know a certain someone who informed a certain German guitarist one sunny day that she was very sexy hot, when she meant very sweaty hot. He couldn’t run away fast enough, she was only eleven.’
Her giggles stopped. ‘Mo-ther! Must you?’
Mine started. ‘Ha, ha – ach, ja.’ Frau Bulow had warned us early on about the difference between saying ‘ich bin heiβ’ and ‘mir ist heiβ’ to stop us embarrassing ourselves or giving people the wrong idea if we went to Germany.
‘I must indeed. These tiny embarrassments should stay with us to make us smile, eventually, and give us stories to make others smile, and to stop us repeating mistakes. I’m sure Eloise will always remember this conversation, and never again say pleine for assez mangée – will you? Good,’ Mamalou went on when I shook my head emphatically. ‘Your accent’s good too, though your Rs could use a little work. They come from too far back, as if you’re clearing your throat, when they should come from behind your teeth, thus.’ She trilled très in that way I found so impossible. ‘You trrrry.’
I had tried, desperately, over and over, every time the Joob got on my case, just like I’d tried to do the tongue-rolling thing in Year 7 Science (and was one of a dozen who couldn’t, including Fi). It was useless. My tongue didn’t work the right way for French Rs, I either blew raspberries or sounded as if I was hawking up grollies, (which was fine for German, luckily). But I had another go to please Mamalou, on the off-chance that the Lady had granted my second wish already. She hadn’t. ‘T-t-threh.’ I tried again. ‘Tchreh.’
‘Hm. I think you try too hard, Eloise. Relax your tongue, persevere, it’ll come. But for the moment,’ she started gathering dishes together, ‘let’s continue our conversation on the theme of faire la vaisselle.’
I’d never washed up in French before or had so much fun doing it. Mamalou washed, I dried, and Raven put away because I didn’t know where anything went, and they kept up a running commentary on what we were doing, and holding things up and asking me what they were; some I remembered from our Year 8 module on Dans la Cuisine, but I learnt plenty of new words like coconut pan-scrub and eco-friendly detergent, which Mamalou said she made from plants, lierre et savon. I knew what ivy was, Dad was always moaning about it creeping through his borders, but I’d never heard of soapwort. I’d have to Google it later.
Raven clattered cutlery into a drawer. ‘There! Finished. Can we go now please, Maman? I want to show Ellie the stuff for her history project.’ She dragged me off to the homework room. ‘Did you look at the pictures in here?’
I shook my head. I’d been too busy envying the technology. So I glanced round them now, all the same size and in the same shades of greeny-yellowy-brown, all framed in the same cream card mounts and dark wood, and looking pretty dull, to be honest. ‘Are they abstracts?’ I’m not keen on trying to work out what modern art’s supposed to mean, I like obvious pictures I don’t have to think about too much.
‘No, as concrete as can be.’ Raven opened a wide, flat drawer and began rustling through papers. ‘Check it out – start by the door and go clockwise, they’re in order.’
As I peered close, a patchwork of squares, blobs and lines resolved into a local map, beautifully hand-inked and coloured, the scale large enough to show individual buildings. Recognising our route home from school, I saw GSA wasn’t marked but St George’s Church and the rectory on Townsend Road were, and Idenowes Terrace, and both farmhouses – even the clump of trees in Grange’s front garden – and Maiden’s Howe labelled in tiny letters, and the new main road beyond as a thick red straight line. I realised all the yellowy squares and rectangles must belong to Grange Farm, and the smaller pale green part was Idenowes, and the dark green blobby bits were woods, and the thin wiggly blue line was the stream, and the big pink polygon was the new housing estate. The picture underneath was the same but before Raven’s goddies sold the land, with no pink, only green, and no red line chopping through, so you could see the farms used to be much the same size. The titles in the bottom left corners were 21ST CENTURY and 20TH CENTURY, and in the bottom right corners were tiny initials, M-LM.
‘Wow! Did your mum do these?’ I moved on to the second pair, smaller-scale parish maps with the Lady’s mound marked as Maidenhowe on 19TH CENTURY, and as Beacon Hill on 18TH CENTURY. ‘They’re amazing! Can I take photos? They’re exactly what I need.’
‘Yes, she either drew them from old farm plans – they’re in this drawer if you want to see – or copies of old maps she got from Wakefield Archives. And no, you don’t need photos.’ Raven fed a wad of paper into the printer. ‘I’ll run some off for you, Mum made A4 copies of the originals before she had them framed.’
‘Fantastic!’ I practically danced on to the next as the printer spat into its tray. There was no Idenowes Terrace on 17TH and 16TH CENTURY, whichshowed both farms much smaller, surrounded by woods and orangey-brown areas marked Common, and Maidenhowe called Tumulus. The further round I went, the more the fieldsshrank and buildings disappeared until the last maps just showed green and brown contours and woods, with brown dotted lines on 1ST CENTURY to show ancient pathways, and a straight black line marked Roman Road with arrows pointing towards Lagentium and Danum, and a square marked Mons Signum on the Lady’s mound. BRONZE AGE only had twelve little circles on the pizza-slice hill, a bit bigger one near the point, and a black triangle marked Rock Shelter on a bare brown hilltop.
‘Here you go.’ Raven thrust a warm pile into my hands and put the other set back in the drawer. ‘There’s all sorts you might want to look at in here – crop rotation plans, architect’s blueprints for the Terrace, land registry documents, you name it.’ She opened the double cupboard underneath. ‘Plus all the farm records way back to 17-something – what they made, what they spent, what they paid their workers… it’s enough for a whole history book, let alone a term project.’ She dimpled at me. ‘Maybe you should write it. It could be your dissertation. Or doctorate.’
A flash-gun exploded in my brain. Clutching my sheaf of precious prints, I collapsed into the nearest chair and flopped my head down like Mum said to do if I ever felt faint at that time of the month. For a moment I’d seen myself on stage, in a black gown and mortarboard, holding my new certificate and smiling proudly for Dad’s camera: Eloise Morton, PhD, Doctor of History- Medieval? Ancient? Or Archaeology? I wasn’t sure, but the details didn’t matter. It only mattered that suddenly I wanted it, wanted it more than I’d ever wanted anything before, even Josh Brown; that suddenly I knew what I wanted to do with my life, who I wanted to be, and I felt so excited I almost threw up.
‘Ellie? Are you OK? Shall I get Mum?’ Raven knelt beside me, stroking my hair aside, peering anxiously up at my face.
‘Yes. No. I mean yes, I’m OK and no, don’t bother Mamalou.’ I sat up straight and swallowed hard, I didn’t want to lose that lovely dinner. ‘I’m fine, honestly. Better than fine. My brain’s just running so fast it’s got nothing left for my legs.’ (The flash-vision was too much to explain, I’d have to tell her later when I’d got my head round it). ‘Over the moon because I know exactly how I’m going to do my project, and that it’s going to look mega-brilliant with these pictures.’ Mum and Dad would be over the moon too, not to mention relieved, when I told them I finally had a Career Plan, as well as getting a lot further on with a term project than ever before on first day back. ‘So thanks, Raven, you’re a star.’
She shrugged. ‘Any time. I mean it. I’ll tour you round anything you want to look at, you can take photos, copy stuff from the goddies’ albums – they took pictures of everywhere before the renovations, so you can see what the buildings used to look like inside. Oh, and if you want to write about the Lady,’ she slid out a big flat cardboard box and put it on the desk, ‘old Josiah’s notebooks and sketches are in here, and a few photos and glass slides of the dig, and some bits and pieces from the spoil-heap he didn’t give to the Museum. Mum’s commissioned the Archaeology Unit to come and do a survey this winter when the plants die back, see if they can find any more hut circles, maybe excavate it properly – then we’ll get a better idea of how big Maidenhowe really was, and how many of the Lady’s people might’ve lived there. How’s that for original research? You must come along, I bet they’ll let you have a go with their equipment if you say it’s for school- mustn’t she, Maman?’ she interrupted herself as Mamalou appeared at the door with a tray.
‘Mustn’t who what?’
‘Ellie. Meet the archaeologists in December. And write a history book about Maidenhowe.’
Mamalou stopped dead. Slowly, her head swivelled round to fix me with a Look. I looked back, suddenly petrified, as if we’d stepped into that movie Mum warned me not to watch and any second she was going to turn into the Woman in Black and rush at me, screeching. Instead, she gave a tiny nod and a small, knowing smile. I relaxed.
‘Yes. Yes, you must and will do those things,’ she said firmly, ‘and we’ll help, however we can. Speaking of which, here’s a little something to sweeten our labours, de-café au lait et marrons glacées, made with our own candied chestnuts.’ She set her tray on the desk and winked slyly. ‘Perhaps you can squeak one in now, Eloise – if you’re not too pleine.’
‘Ooh, yum! Thanks, Mum.’ Raven grabbed a frothy blue Virgo mug and popped a sticky-looking brown thing in her mouth.
I took Capricorn and did the same; I could always find room for a sweet, and marrons glacées were a famous French delicacy I’d never tried because Mum said they were too expensive, even at Christmas. Ooh, yum. I would’ve had more but there were only three and Mamalou ate the third; and I would’ve had two heaped sugars in my coffee if there’d been any on the tray, but there wasn’t, and I wasn’t brave enough to ask. I tasted it. Not bad, actually – mild and milky, and the chocolate sprinkles helped me pretend it was sweet.
‘Right, then – to work!’ Mamalou sat down with her little cup of noir and opened a laptop. ‘Let’s make notes while we talk, Eloise,’ she began tapping away as the screen came alive, ‘it’ll save so much time. Here we go… new document, working title A History of Maidenhowe.’ She typed it in, hit a key, and turned to me expectantly. ‘So, how do you plan to approach it?’
‘Like this.’ I pointed round the room anti-clockwise. ‘A timeline. Mainly prehistoric, then going from Roman to modern – maybe just a page for each century with a map and some pictures. Then my sources. Um- that’s about it.’
‘Well, you can add oral history to your list,’ Mamalou replied, tapping away, ‘which comes best from the horse’s mouth – and if you’d like to meet the Grangers, you can join us for Sunday lunch, it’s my turn to cook.’ She smiled wryly. ‘Joe will be delighted, he loves talking family history. As do the Gardiners, who you’ll meet at Raven’s party. I’m sure you’ll find time for a chat, they’ll be staying on till the Monday.’
I’d heard so much about Raven’s goddies by now I blurted, unthinking. ‘How did you come tomeet them?’
‘Ah.’ Mamalou stopped typing. ‘That’s not a story for your project, Eloise. It’s rather personal, and also rather long-’
‘And some of us have heard it,’ Raven dropped a kiss on her mum’s hair, ‘so if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to dig out some more primary sources.’
‘Very well.’ Mamalou swivelled her chair to face me as Raven skipped out. ‘I met Faith and Jack here, the night my late husband’s parents died – or early next morning, I should say, by the time the police and paramedics finished with us.
‘It was a fitting end to a terrible day. Our trip from Cornwall had been hell, not just the distance and the traffic – and we were running hours late – but a dread, an awful forebodingthat got worse by the mile. Gray tried to jolly us out of it, but I knew he was nearly as anxious as me. I simply couldn’t believe they’d accept their only son getting engaged to a foreign artiste he’d just met, much less be happy for us – and deep down, neither could he. But we were determined to marry, even if it meant they disowned him, and our first meeting turned out to be our last.
‘As indeed it proved – we rolled up at the house just as they were coming out in body-bags.’ She pulled a face. ‘Suffice to say, it was a blessing to learn that the fire had smouldered a long while before the flames caught. Had the smoke alarm been working, they’d have escaped with very little harm done. But they’d taken a spent battery out and forgotten to replace it before they went to bed – ha ha karma, as Raven would say.
‘We came here as soon as the police let us go. We had nowhere else to go, and Gray was in no fit state to drive, although not for the reasons you might think. There’d been little love lost between him and his parents, they’d been fighting since the day he started doing what he wanted instead of what they wanted for him. So when we got out of the van and he collapsed, It wasn’t from shock as the paramedics thought, but from relief. I was much the same, I felt so unburdened I was practically floating on air. In fact, dreadful as it may sound, the worst thing we had to cope with was the guilt – Gray’s because he wasn’t grief-stricken, and mine because I was so glad that he was free, and selfishly glad that I didn’t have to go through the horrible scenes I’d imagined.
‘Anyway, I drove us here, highly illegally – no UK licence, no insurance, never driven on the left before – thank God it was three-thirty and almost nothing on the roads. The Gardiners were devastated when we broke the news, of course… Gray’s father had been Jack’s best friend since their schooldays, his mother had grown very close to Faith, and they were godparents to each other’s children, which meant Ferne and Rowan were gutted too. Fortunately no-one expected me to be sad, I hadn’t known the Childes, so I just got on with dispensing tea and sympathy, and running errands, and doing business the family were too upset to deal with, and cooking, and coaxing them to eat. They were far more grateful than I deserved, given the truth of my feelings – that I couldn’t like Ernest and Connie because of the way they’d treated Gray, their lack of respect for his talent and integrity or the slightest support for his vocation- feh,’ Mamalou shook her head, ‘I mustn’t speak ill of the dead – though believe me, we did at the time. Gray was carrying a mountain of hurt and I was the only one he could offload to. It made receiving condolences an ordeal, he loathed the hypocrisy – then people assumed he found talking about his parents too painful, so they stopped mentioning them. We never disabused the idea, it was too convenient, although the self-conscious tact and steering clear of certain subjects was equally hard to bear, in its way. Luckily no-one guessed how Gray and I really felt, and the bereavement bonded us together, and me to the Gardiners, very tightly, very quickly… and that’s how I acquired the best god-parents-in-law a stranger in a strange land could ever hope for.’
‘Gosh.’ I was amazed by Mamalou talking to me like this, like a grown woman, a friend. It made me brave enough to ask, ‘What about your own parents? Did they give you a hard time?’
She threw back her head, roaring. ‘Ho, no! They were all, ‘Ooh, la la! Coup de foudre! Félicitations, when’s the big day, are you pregnant, when will we meet your Gris Anglais, where shall we go for your dress, you are getting married here, aren’t you – not necessarily in that order! And then- well, Raven’s probably told you we lived happily ever after.’ Her smile faded. ‘Until we didn’t.’
‘Hey, Ellie!’ A big pile of books wobbled in and thumped heavily down on the desk. A beaming Raven stepped out from behind. ‘Why don’t you put family trees in your project?’ She slid a stack of scrapbooks and photo albums off a massive brick-thick Bible like the ones you see in church. ‘Look, this goes all the way back to King James, and I bet the Grangers have got one just like it.’
‘Oh, wow.’ I pored over the names spilling from the inside cover to the flyleaf: different hands, different inks, but all Gardiners, male and female, husbands, wives, children, ending with Raven’s god-bro and sis. ‘Oh, yes!Then I can link the history to real people and who was doing what on the land at the time. I like that idea.’
Mamalou smiled. ‘I think your teacher will, too,’ she said, gathering the coffee cups. ‘And on that note, mes enfants, I shall go about my business and leave you to yours. A bientôt.’
Raven seemed almost as excited as me as we spread things out on the workstation and wallowed in silvery brown images. Girls with long hair, checked dresses and white aprons picking baskets of fruit in the orchard, the field alongside full of some sort of crop instead of bushes and trees. A big, round-faced woman in an ankle-length skirt and clumpy boots, with a big, round bun of hair, drawing a dripping bucket from the well in front of Hidden House. The farmyard as I’d imagined it in olden times, with a horse harnessed to a cartload of hay standing in the middle, and chickens pecking around it, and a man with a bowler hat, bushy moustache and white grandad shirt nearby, leaning on a pitchfork looking straight at the camera, a long white clay pipe drooping from the corner of his smile.
Lost in the details, I didn’t hear Mamalou come back until she whistled. ‘Vraiment, un embarras de richesses! I didn’t realise there was such an archive- oh,’ she peered over my shoulder, ‘but I remember this album. Those are Jack’s grandparents, Ali and Ned, and his mother Vi and her sisters. I forget their names.’
‘They’ll be in the Bible, won’t they?’ I scooted my chair across to look. ‘Yes! Edward Lonsdale Gardiner, wife Alice Rosemary Granger- Granger? What- as in he married his next-door neighbour?’ When Mamalou nodded, I scanned back a few centuries and saw the families had been marrying each other on and off forever – well, since 1652. ‘Gosh. That’s interesting.’ I came back to Ned and Ali. ‘Oh, yes – daughters, Violet, Lily and Iris. They had a Rose, too, but she died at, um,’ I calculated, ‘three months. Gosh, how sad… I wonder if it was a cot death. And four sons… phew. I’m not sure I want to have any babies, never mind eight!’
‘No, I found that one was sufficient for me! And be thankful we’ve the choice, girls.’ Mamalou looked seriously at us. ‘Alice didn’t, like most women until quite recently. At least, not if they wanted a sex life. Losing children was commonplace too, back in those days.’
That got us on to talking about life expectancy, and family sizes, and things that folk used to die of but not so much now, and looking at the Bible dates, and counting the children various Gardiners had had, and how many survived to have kids of their own; and it was so interesting we totally lost track of time until Raven’s satchel started singing, ‘You’re Raven Moon-Childe and, pretty soon child I’ve, got a feeling that, I’m gonna make you pick your phone up, in your hand.’
She dragged it out, frowned at the number. ‘Hello, Raven’s phone, who is this? Oh. Yes, yes, she is. Oh, no. I’m so sorry. Yes, of course, I’ll pass you over.’ Grimacing, she mouthed, ‘It’s your mum.’
I clapped a hand over my mouth. Oh, my God! I’d forgotten. Everything. To borrow a charger. To recharge my phone. To text Fi. To text Mum that I’d reached Raven’s OK. Even to go home. And now it was, I checked my watch- oh, my God. Twenty past nine. Scrub any plans for the weekend, then – I’d be grounded for sure.
Dismally, I reached for the phone, but Mamalou beat me to it. ‘Mrs Morton? Good evening! Do forgive me for keeping Eloise out so late, I can imagine how worried you’ve been. And it’s my fault, I’m afraid. We got engrossed in her history project and it never occurred to me to ask what time you expected her home.’ So much Gallic charm was oozing she was practically standing in a puddle. ‘Oh, yes, they’ve been hard at it all evening… she has indeed, a model guest, most polite and helpful… good grief, no! I wouldn’t dream of putting you to the inconvenience, I’ll bring her myself straight away. Yes. Yes, we’ll be with you very soon. ‘Bye now.
‘Right, girls,’ Mamalou gave the phone back, ‘we must bustle! Eloise, you’ve no time to change. Your uniform’s airing by the stove -fold it nicely into a bag, you’ll find some on the kitchen table. Oh, and leave that,’ she added as I looked helplessly at the strewn desk, ‘then it’ll be ready for you next time you come. I’ll go and get the car out. And Raven,’ she streamed French so fast I only caught her last words, ‘Allez, vite!’
We hurried into the kitchen, where the table was now covered in sheets of die-cut brown paper, lengths of string, and a stack of bags made up with plaited string handles. Grabbing one, Raven rushed off through a door into the part of Hidden House I hadn’t seen yet. I grabbed another. Forcing myself to do it properly instead of stuffing things in all creased, I took my warm kilt off the clothes horse. Ooh. I buried my nose. Mm. It smelt faintly of Clarity, Mamalou must use it in her washing machine. I rolled it up carefully and packed it into the bag, then my jumper, then my shirt and tights; put my blazer on over my Foxy sweatshirt and went to fetch my shoes from the foot of the stairs. They just about fitted over the slipper-socks if I left the laces undone. Then I went back for my school bag and clothes and met Raven in the kitchen. Her carrier looked full and heavy now.
‘Ready, Ellie? Good! Let’s go.’
‘Oh! Are you coming too?’
‘You bet,’ Raven giggled. ‘You’ve seen my house, I want to see yours. And to meet your mum and dad.’ She waggled her left ring finger at me. ‘They’re my blood-in-laws now, remember.’
‘Cool.’ I was hugely relieved, to be honest; if Raven was with me, the folks couldn’t give me so much grief. Not till after she’d gone, anyway. Following her out through the front door into chilly darkness, I was surprised when she didn’t lock up but headed straight for a disappointingly ordinary-looking silver estate parked outside the garage. ‘Do you always leave the door unlocked? Aren’t you worried about being burgled?’
Raven giggled again. ‘No, Hidden House is well protected.’ (I assumed she meant silent alarms, or some fancy automatic locking system). ‘Here,’ she opened the rear passenger door, ‘I’ll put your bags in the back.’ She slid in after them and buckled up behind me as I buckled up beside Mamalou, feeling considerably more impressed when she switched on the engine and we purred off up the drive.
‘Ooh. I’ve never been in an electric car before. Isn’t it quiet?’
‘Yes, although this is a hybrid,’ said Mamalou. ‘I like to hedge my bets. And it’s much easier to drive than the SUV.’
‘God, yes, that embarrassing thing. I’m so glad you made the company swap it, Maman,’ said Raven as we bumped up the cobbled hill. When we stopped at the gate, she hopped out to open it looking even more uncool with nasty clashing pink Crocs on over her stripy socks – and at the same time, cooler in a funny sort of way because she obviously didn’t care a hoot what she looked like or what anyone else might think. (I shuddered to think what Fi, Caro and Libby would say if they saw – they’d rather die than go out of the house dressed like that – and the whole school would be laughing behind Raven’s back ten minutes later).
‘So, Eloise,’ Mamalou slowed to a crawl as we reached Idenowes Terrace, ‘which way? Whereabouts do you live?’
‘In the Trees.’ That’s what locals call our streets. ‘Poplar Road. Do you know it?’
‘Ah, yes. A nice area.’ She turned right onto Townsend Road, towards the giant orange glow of the new housing estate. ‘And it’d be a nice walk in daylight.’ She nodded to my left. ‘Technically that’s our land, although Grange have been farming it for decades, since the goddies downsized. So you’re welcome to use the field paths any time you like, no-one will mind.’
‘Ooh! Thanks, Mamalou.’ Maybe Raven and I could explore at the weekend – if I wasn’t grounded. I just wished we could explore the old Idenowes, when all we’d see ahead would be more darkness and trees instead of a glaring great petrol station and Starbucks, and the supermarket where Mum does her weekly big shop.
‘I wish I could’ve seen the place before the goddies sold it.’ Raven’s sigh echoed mine as we turned left at the roundabout onto the main road. ‘It must’ve been beautiful. Do you remember it, Maman?’
‘No, this was all built long before my time, unfortunately. So thank goodness we still have our maps, and the Gardiner collection.’ Mamalou shot me a quick smile. ‘Maybe you could catalogue it as part of your project, Eloise. I’d love to know exactly what’s inside all those albums and boxes. I dare say Wakefield Archives would, too.’
‘Gosh. Yes, I need to list my sources and picture captions anyway. Gosh, yes,’ I repeated myself excitedly, ‘this is brilliant! It’s making me feel like a real historian.’
‘You are a real historian, my dear. You’ve the right instincts, the right curiosity, the right vision… I’m sure you’re taking the first steps towards a long and rewarding career.’ Mamalou peeled off the bright dual carriageway onto the dimmer, narrower main road of the old housing estate – brick terraces with front rooms that open straight onto the street, and corner shops, and odd blocks all made up of newsagents, hairdressers, takeaways, and small general stores with flats up above for the owners.
‘Mm. I hope so.’ Lost in rare dreams of academic glory, I hardly noticed us pass the Methodist chapel where the road widens and the pavement sprouts trees and the houses turn semi- with nice front gardens, then grow and detach themselves after the crossroads with the Post Office and Health Centre – but I did jump when we reached Fi’s, all lit up with new people watching TV in the front room, (I saw its glow through the curtains, same place the McDs had had theirs), and their strange cars parked on the driveway. ‘Oh!’ I jerked upright. ‘We’re nearly there! It’s just coming up, second right.’
First right was one of the original Trees, Acorn Avenue, easy to spot on account of the gigantic oak on one corner. (The other, Chestnut Walk, fourth right, has guess what? Yup, a horse-chestnut). The old houses are lovely, much bigger than Fi’s, built for people who had cooks, and nannies, and housemaids in white aprons and white frilly caps to look after them indoors, and little wiry weather-beaten gardeners in flat caps to look after the outdoors, just like Just William’s familyin the bedtime stories Nana used to read me. Then when the Acorns and Chestnuts decided they didn’t want acres of croquet lawn and tennis courts and rose gardens any longer, just somewhere to put a pool and a big posh garage for their big posh cars, they all sold huge chunks of back garden to some developer who squeezed in the new Trees, two narrow streets of supposedly three-bedroom semis. Hah. My room’s pokey enough now, but my baby bedroom wasn’t much bigger than a closet, I had to move when I outgrew my cot because when Dad put my new single bed in there, Mum couldn’t open the airing cupboard to get at the sheets. My pink bunny paper’s still on the walls, but we only use it now for storing suitcases and boxes of stuff like Christmas trimmings, and Mum gets depressed due to the lack of spare room and guests having to sleep on the living room couch, (or my floor, if they’re Fi), and the Original Features, which she hates even when Dad tries to tell her they’re funky, and Seventies retro’s really in.
‘Down to the bottom, last on the left,’ I said as we turned onto Poplar Road. ‘Don’t worry about parking across the drive, Dad won’t be wanting the car out.’
As we pulled up, I looked at my watch and felt sick. Twenty to ten. Later than I’d ever stayed out on a school night before. At least I had somewhere respectable to come home to. Nothing compared to Hidden House, admittedly, but the folks had done ‘Davchrys,’ (marginally better than ‘Chravid,’ I suppose), up quite nicely over the years, and the front garden had a neat privet hedge Dad hand-cut like Gramps always had because the sound of snipping shears made him feel nostalgic, and his company Audi parked next to the little square lawn he always moaned about mowing because the rose-bed in the middle made it a fiddly job, and he was always getting attacked by Mum’s prize Rosa Mundi.
Crossing my fingers that Mamalou had charmed them into not going too ballistic, I unlocked the front door. ‘Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad! I’m home.’ Three people and three bulky bags make quite a crowd in our small hall, so I went straight on into the living room before someone knocked the bowl of pot-pourri off the little spindly table where we put the keys. ‘Um- hi, look, I know it’s really late and I’m really sorry,’ I babbled before they could start, ‘but I’ve got loads of homework done and-’
‘What on earth are you wearing?’ Mum killed the sound and jumped up from the couch where she and Dad were watching TV. ‘What’s happened? Where’s your uniform? Don’t say you’ve ruined it on your first day, that shirt was brand new.’
‘Nothing, it’s fine, honestly.’ I held up the bag. ‘It’s in here. Raven’s mum just gave me these clothes because- um,’ I hesitated, not wanting to drop either of us in the poo.
‘Because I like changing into my slobs after school, and I wanted Ellie to feel comfy too.’ Raven eased past while I dropped my eyes and sucked in a grin. Nice spin, bestie-till-Fi’s-home. ‘Hello, Mrs Morton, Mr Morton. Pleased to meet you. I’m Raven.’
‘And I’m Raven’s mum.’ Mamalou beamed in, made straight for Mum, pumped her hand vigorously, then did the same to Dad. ‘Louise Moulin, call me Lou, a pleasure to meet you indeed! I can’t tell you how glad I am that our girls have hit it off so well – or how sorry Raven and I both are for detaining Eloise all this time. I must admit, that is partly her fault – her project is truly engrossing.’
‘Oh. Well.’ Mum smiled. So did I. This was looking good. ‘I suppose it’s alright if you were working, Eloise.’ She wagged her finger. ‘Just this once, though. We want you back by nine on school nights in future, young lady.’
Phew-ee. ‘Yes, Mum,’ I said gratefully. ‘I promise. I’ve done my French and most of my English as well, and my history project’s going to be A-mazing, I can’t wait to show you, only all my notes are on the goddies’ laptop and-’
‘Have we met somewhere before, Lou?’ interrupted Dad, staring hard. ‘On holiday, maybe? You look very familiar. Hang on, I’ll place you in a minute, I’m good with faces- oh, my God.’ His eyes bugged wide. ‘Oh, my God! I don’t believe, it can’t be- bloody hell, it is!’ He jumped up too and grabbed Mum’s arm. ‘Don’t you recognise her, love? It’s-’
‘OH MY GOD!’ Mum took off, literally. ‘Mary-Lou Moonchild!’
Oh, my God. ‘Moon-Childe,’ I muttered under my breath. She and Raven were going to need this like a hole in the head.
‘Yes! MoonChilde! Bradford Alhambra! Fifteen years ago!’ the folks yipped on in turn. ‘Waited at the stage door, we chatted, you signed our programme, still got it somewhere, great fans of your early music, ‘Jolene,’ Catfish Crew,’ blah blah. Then my father looked tenderly at my golden-haired mother.
‘I preferred ‘Jolie Blonde.’ Mum went very pink while he went on to Mamalou, ‘It was our song at the time… and we remember that concert very well, not just because of meeting you. We happened to be celebrating – we’d just found out that this one,’ he jerked his head at me, ‘was on her way.’
‘Oh, how wonderful! I also remember it very well because that one,’ Mamalou jerked her head at Raven, ‘had been on her way for three months, and the Alhambra was our last gig before my maternity break. And I recall our meeting too, let me think- aha! Chrystal and David! Well, well. What an odd coincidence, Chrissy, that our first meeting should be as expectant newly-weds, and our second as mothers of a single teenage daughter.’
‘Why, yes, how did you- as a matter of fact we’d just come back from a fortnight in the Dales.’ Mum laughed, a little nervously. ‘It was the last gasp of our honeymoon. We hadn’t planned on getting pregnant quite so soon.’ She subtly shifted position to block the view of her Most Hated Original Feature, the York Stone cocktail bar built in as part of the York Stone fake-fireplace surround and angled TV unit Dad said were a unique selling point in the day, everybody wanted one. They’d ditched the optics and neon signs and repro pub signs and mirrors and put the stereo and speakers where the glasses used to be, and racks of CDs behind the wall and a vase of flowers and various knick-knacks along the top, but it still looked like a big ugly bar and took up loads of space, and all three of us hated it. ‘That’s why we were in a bit of a hurry to buy.’ Mum frowned briefly at Dad, she always blamed him for rushing her into it when she was in a bad mood about the Original Features. ‘We needed somewhere ready for Bump when she came.’
‘Well, now that we’ve found each other again after so many years, we must keep up the acquaintance! We’d love to have Eloise over again for the weekend – she and Raven have all manner of exciting plans – so why not join us for Sunday lunch? There’ll be plenty, I’m cooking for company, and you can all go home together afterwards.’
‘Oh. Um. Well. That’s very kind of you, um, Lou. But really, it’s too much, we wouldn’t want to impose.’ After her shaky start, Mum firmed up. ‘You’ve already fed Eloise once-’
‘And I hope she didn’t eat you out of house and home,’ Dad butted in. Cheers, Dad.
‘-and given her those, ah, nice clothes. So thank you very much, but maybe another time.’
‘Oh, it’s no imposition-’ Mamalou began.
Raven and I looked at each other. Then we wailed in unison. ‘Oh, Mum/Mrs Morton!
‘Oh, please say yes,’ Raven begged. ‘I’ve been on my own- well, not exactly on my own, I had Mum. And my godparents sometimes. And the neighbours. But I’ve had no-one my own age – no friends at all – for months. Not since,’ she gulped, ‘not since Dad died and I had to leave my old school, and I’ve been ever s-so lonely.’ Awesome. She even managed to make her eyes fill. ‘But now I’ve met Ellie,’ she pulled me to her in a clumsy hug, ‘I’m not lonely. I’m happy. It’s so nice having a girlfriend again, I’ve really missed it, and I’d love her to spend the weekend because we had such fun today, and Mum’s taking us to the Museum on Saturday, and I want to show her round Idenowes properly and do some more work on her history project.’
‘Oh. Yes, of course. Good heavens, what was I thinking? You poor girl.’ Mum choked.
Dad cleared his throat. ‘Ahem. Yes, Raven, we were very sad to hear the news about your father… Gray Childe was one of my all-time favourite blues guitarists, one of the greatest ever. Heck of a voice, too. His music was very important to us, wasn’t it, love?’
‘Yes,’ Mum sighed. ‘Yes, it was. And yes, of course you can have Ellie over for the weekend, Raven – whenever you like, within reason. Provided your mum’s absolutely sure it’s OK.’
‘Absolutely!’ said Mamalou. ‘We adore having guests. I’ll look forward to seeing Eloise after school on Friday then, shall I? And I’ll look forward to seeing you on Sunday too, twelve-thirty for one. Make sure you come hungry!
‘Right then, Madam, let’s get you home and leave Eloise and her parents in peace- oops, better not take this back with us.’ She held out the bag Raven had filled. ‘Just a few bits I hope might make up for the worry… and a little something for Eloise, too.’
‘Oh. Good heavens,’ Mum said again. ‘We didn’t expect- there’s no need- really, you shouldn’t have- oh, good grief! Where are my manners?’ She took the bag. ‘Thanks, Lou. You needn’t have troubled, but it’s very thoughtful of you. What do you say, Eloise?’
‘Thank you very much, um-’ I wasn’t sure how Mum would feel about ‘Mamalou,’ so I plumped for ‘Mrs Moulin. And for a lovely dinner, and my clothes, and everything.’
‘You’re most welcome.’ Mamalou smacked me a kiss on both cheeks. ‘Bonne nuit, cherie. No, no, don’t bother,’ she went on to Dad as he started to move, ‘we’ll see ourselves out. Good night.’
They about-faced and filed out, tactfully avoiding an undignified scrum in the hall. I followed and noticed my school bag hanging on its usual peg; Raven must’ve put it there.
‘Wait!’ I caught her at the doorstep and started to babble. ‘Look, I’m really sorry about-’ but she made a stop sign with her left hand.
‘No need. Your folks are my folks’ favourite sort of fans – Mum’s over the moon,’ she dimpled at the pun, ‘about meeting them again, I can tell by her vibe. And your dad was just being kind, and I liked what he said about Dad. So chillax.’
‘Phew. Thanks,’ I flashed my braces in relief. ‘And thanks for, you know, everything. I can’t believe how today turned out… it’s been totally magic. Even school.’
‘For me too, blood-of-my-blood.’ Raven stuck her left ring finger up by itself. I did the same, (which wasn’t easy), and we pressed the tips together hard enough for me to feel the tiny pain where she’d stabbed me. ‘We’re sisters now, remember, bestie-till-Fi’s-home!’ Then with a wave and a cheery, ‘See you in the morning,’ she clumped away in her hideous Crocs.
As soon as I shut the front door, Mum screamed. ‘Eeeeeeeeee!‘ I took my blazer off, hung it on top of my bag, and went back into the living room to find her and Dad bouncing about grinning like idiots.
‘Oh, Ellie!’ Mum gasped, ‘Can you believe- that was Mary-Lou Moonchild! Here, in our house! We loved her with Catfish Crew! Their music was brilliant to dance to. Do you remember, Dave?’ She grabbed Dad’s hands and started humming, and he joined in, and next minute they’re waltzing round singing, ‘Allons danser, allons danser.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Oh, puh-lease.’
‘Oh, shut up,’ panted Mum. ‘Imagine how you’d feel if it was Foxy! This the most exciting thing that’s ever happened in my life-’
‘Huh,’ snorted Dad. ‘Thanks a bunch, love.’
Mum brushed him aside. ‘Feh – you know what I mean. And I’m excited that Eloise has found such a lovely new friend, and perhaps we have too, I mean, she’s invited us to- oh, my God.’ She collapsed on the couch. ‘Oh. My. God. We’re going to lunch. With a millionairess. A famous, talented-’
‘Gorgeous,’ murmured Dad. Good job Mum didn’t hear.
‘-French millionairess.’
‘Multi, more like.’ He flopped down alongside. ‘Maybe billionairess. All Financial Times said was that MoonChilde went to NamCom for ‘an undisclosed sum,’ which normally means a hefty chunk of change.’
‘Oh, my God,’ Mum repeated faintly. ‘What the hell am I going to wear? Where do they live, Eloise?’ she asked in a panicky voice. ‘Is it a huge mansion? Oh, my God – has she got a butler? Is it very formal? I don’t think I can run to a proper afternoon dress… will a work suit be alright, I could get a nice new blouse-’
‘Jeez, Mum! No, they live on a smallholding, and yeah, it’s a lovely big old farmhouse but it’s not Downton Abbey. They don’t even own the furniture, it still belongs to Raven’s goddies. And they’re totally chilled, and Mrs M’s a brilliant cook,’ (oops, maybe shouldn’t have said that), ‘and they’ve got the most amazing garden. So don’t worry, you’ll have a great time. Just wear trousers and a jumper and flats if you want a walk round. And aren’t you going to look in your bag?’ I eyed it, forgotten on the coffee-table in all the excitement. I was itching to know what Mamalou had given me.
‘Oh, yes!’ Mum brightened. ‘Presents!’ She reached in and pulled out a green bottle. ‘Ooh, elderflower champagne! I’ve never had that.’ She pulled out another, cloudy white, and frowned as she showed me the label, which had pictures of lemons round Mamalou’s handwriting. ‘WupQuid? What on earth?’
I burst out laughing. ‘Liquide vaisselle au citron biodégradable! Lemon-scented eco-washing up liquid. I learnt that tonight – we washed up in French.’
‘You washed up? Bloody hell!’ said Dad. ‘I’d have thought she’d have a dishwasher. How much did she pay you?’
‘A French conversation lesson,’ I said sniffily, watching a bar of yellow soap plop into Mum’s lap from a yellow-and-white stripy dishcloth. I could smell it from where I was standing. ‘Torchon en coton, Raven’s godma Faith knits them, and Mrs M makes the savon au citron from home-grown lemons, they’ve got a big tree in the greenhouse.’ I smiled inside, as if Mamalou was sharing a private joke with me by giving Mum this stuff, and chance to prove I actually had done some French homework, and show off a bit at the same time. ‘Lotion pour les mains au citron,’ I added smugly as a flat round tin emerged, labelled with a yellow hand holding the letters LemLo.
Mum unscrewed it and rubbed a dab in. ‘Ooh.’ She smelt her hands. ‘Mm. I’ll keep it by the sink with these other things. Well, what a lucky gift, I’m down to my last drip of Fairy. And it matches the, um, décor.’ For once, she actually smiled at a kitchen-related thought. ‘I’m glad she didn’t give me lavender.’ Then she gasped over a round white cardboard box, like the ones she buys Camembert cheese in. ‘Ooh! Marrons glacées!I don’t need that translating, Eloise! Goodness, what a treat – I’ll save these for Christmas.’ Cue howls of protest from me and Dad. ‘Oh, alright then, Bonfire Night. Hallowe’en. Some occasion. But definitely not tonight! I’m sure you’ve been well fed, Eloise,’ she prodded Dad’s tum, ‘and you’ve already had second supper.’
I plumped down between them and peeped in the carrier, empty now but for one thing, a dark red cloth bag. ‘Ooh! This must be mine, then.’ I lifted it out, full of lumps and bumps but not very heavy, loosened the drawstring, and took out a white cardboard box with ♀ T drawn on in red felt pen. Female Tea? Opening the lid, I unfolded the wax paper lining and sniffed. Mm. ‘Here, Dad.’ I passed it over. ‘Can you tell what’s in this herb tea?’
He sniffed too, turned it towards the lamp, stirred with his finger. ‘Let’s see. Camomile flowers… lavender… sage, I think… something else, hops maybe.’ He pulled a face. ‘Probably tastes bitter.’
‘Probably why she gave me this, then.’ I showed him a small jar of Grange honey, then the tiny brown bottle of clary sage oil it had been clinking against, and a fragrant brown lump I guessed was frankincense. Light began to dawn, and my fingertips recognised the next thing, a soft wad of pads to go in my new pants, before I saw it. I put them on the coffee table. ‘Oh, wow! It’s a period bag!’ I could announce it like that, without even blushing, because my folks are totally cool – much cooler than me – about body stuff. They don’t freak out if you walk in on them half-undressed, or on the loo, or in the bath; I could talk about sex with them, if I had any to talk about; and Dad says he’s lived long enough with Mum’s tears and tampons and demands for wine, chocolate and ibuprofen at unreasonable hours for the menstrual cycle to hold no mysteries for him, so not to bother getting all embarrassed and secretive about it when the time came. Then he’d know when to buy me chocolate as well, (or keep well out of my way). So I didn’t, and we even had a little ‘Welcome to Womanhood’ party with fizzy Ribena and a strawberry cheesecake to celebrate my first feeble dribble at thirteen, just the three of us. Apart from the tummy-ache and mess I enjoyed being made a fuss of and allowed to lie around reading magazines without getting nagged about homework. And it was nice now, being able to tell them some truth:
‘Yeah, I thought my period was starting so I told Raven, and she told her mum, and she made me a drink with this stuff to stop my cramps. And that’s sort of why they gave me these clothes and some special pants her godma makes,’ I pulled my top up and my waistband down to show Mum, ‘with press-studs and pads you can put in the wash.’
‘Whoa! Right bunch of eco-freaks, aren’t they?’ laughed Dad, like he’s not obsessive about recycling and composting and switching lights off.
Mum gave him a Look. ‘Very woke and kind and thoughtful to your daughter is what they are, David Morton,’ she said sternly, and gave me a hug and a different Look, sisterly, women together against the world sort of thing. I love it when she does that.
I hugged back, then took out my last present, a cube wrapped in paper labelled PooBar with a picture of asmiley yellow sun and a sunbathing mouse. ‘Oh, Mum, look! It’s solid shampoo.’ That reminded my head it was sweaty, and it immediately started to itch. ‘Um- please will you wash my hair with it?’
‘What, now?’ She looked aghast. ‘It’s nearly bedtime.’
‘Yeah, and I can’t sleep like this, my hair mings. Look,’ I held up a limp strand, ‘it’s gone all greasy and flat.’
‘Oh, God,’ Mum groaned. Then her eyes narrowed. Oh-oh. ‘Alright. On one condition.’
‘What?’ I asked warily.
‘That you let me cut-’
‘No!’
‘-those awful split ends off so there’s less to wash. OK? Come on, Eloise.’ Triumphantly, (we’d been rowing about this forever), Mum played her trump card. ‘You can’t spend a weekend in civilised company looking like a grunge hippie. Either let me trim it or take you to a proper hairdresser tomorrow – or you can go to bed with a minging head, come straight home from school on Friday, and be grounded till Monday. Your choice.’
Huh. It was a ‘proper hairdresser’ who gave me such a disastrous Peaky Blinders pudding-basin when I was five that I was embarrassed to go to Infants, then threw such screaming hysterical tantrums if anyone came near me with a pair of scissors that Mum eventually gave up and no-one’s cut it since, (apart from me, carefully snipping split ends off one by one). But now she had me by the short n’ curlies, (soft and new, I was very proud of them), and she knew it.
Opting for the least worst, I said sulkily, ‘Alright. I’ll let you trim it. As long as you promise not to cut too much off.’
‘Promise.’ Mum crossed her heart. ‘Now go get the scissors. And put some newspaper down. Oh, and you might as well take that lot with you.’
‘Yes, Mum,’ I sighed, packed the food and drink and cleaning stuff back in the carrier, and went through to her Next Most Hated Original Feature, which she says belongs in a social history museum, (apart from the shiny white replacement door and windows, with yellow-and-white easy-wash check curtains she caved in and bought to match because they’re practical, and the new-ish white gas cooker, fridge-freezer and washing machine, the only things she doesn’t moan about). But I quite like our kitchen. The squares of lemon-and-white floor tiles have aged to mustard-and-cream, but the units Dad calls ‘Formica’ and the matching glass-fronted wall cabinets are still cheerful yellow with shiny white handles, and the worktops are still white-ish, except for lots of fine scratches and dull patches where the shine’s worn off, especially round the kettle. There’s no space for a dishwasher or tumble-drier either, although as Dad always reminds Mum, she has wind and a proper clothesline outside, strung between two pebbly concrete posts with a pole to prop up the middle. But the things she hates most are the walls. The top half’s covered in something called ‘Artex’ put on to look rustic, ie slapped on in big daubs by someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing, (‘Why?’ Mum often wails. ‘Why make good plastering look like bad? It’s insane!’), and which Dad says is ‘such a sod to get off we might as well knock the walls down and start again.’ And the bottom half has tiles, ‘hand-made, must’ve cost a bomb in their day.’ I think they’re gorgeous, shiny dimply white with splatty, yellowy-orange glassy sunburst centres, and when you peer close, (I used to when I was a kid, I even had special favourites), you see each one’s a tiny bit different, like snowflakes. Unfortunately, when you stand back it’s more like someone’s gone round and very carefully stuck five hundred fried eggs on the walls, sunny side up – and ‘once you’ve seen it like that,’ as Mum says, ‘you can’t see it as anything else.’ At least fried eggs are OK for a kitchen. Green splats might look like squashed frogs, which might put me off my Pop-Tarts in the breakfast nook with the white stools and yellow fold-down Formica table.
Anyway, I left the bag on the worktop, got an old newspaper out of the recycling box near the door, and the big, orange-handled scissors out of the bits-and-bobs drawer. Then Mum came in with a comb and a Cheshire-cat grin, she’s waited ten years for this moment, and told me to spread the paper out and stand on it.
‘Remember, you promised,’ I said nervously as she went behind me with the scissors.
‘Yes, yes, I know. Just the split ends.’ Quickly combing me through, she arranged my hair to hang straight down my back. ‘Ugh! I see what you mean, it is greasy.’ She started snipping slowly, right to left. ‘It’ll be your hormones. Mine was the same when my periods started. Don’t worry, it calms down in a year or two, just like your spots will.’ I got the feeling she was trying to distract me as she nattered on. ‘I went from Clearasil and a hair-wash every day with Greasy Head n’ Shoulders when I was your age to clear skin and three times a week with normal shampoo by the time I was nineteen.
‘There, now! All done.’ Mum stepped back. ‘See – that wasn’t too painful, was it? And it looks much better already.’
Turning round, I took a deep breath and looked down. I could hardly see the newspaper for hanks of frizzy, blondish hair nearly as long as my thirty-centimetre ruler. ‘Oh, Mum! You promised!’ I shrieked, sprinting for the hall mirror. ‘Oh my God oh my God oh my God, what’ve you done?’
‘Trimmed your split ends,’ she replied, totally unsympathetic.
‘Trimmed?’ I cried. ‘Half my hair’s gone!’ The half I could pretend was blonde highlights, the half I liked better than the dull mousy rest.
‘Don’t be a drama queen,’ Mum said briskly. ‘Go and get ready while I clear up. I’ll be with you in a sec.’
I stomped into the living room, grabbed my cube, and stomped up to the absolutely MHOF. Mum and Dad had ripped up the lime green fluffy nylon carpet, (when I was little enough to play on floors, I used to hunt for tiny tufts stuck under the skirting boards and pluck them like miniature clumps of grass to feed my toy farm animals), which used to match the lime green tile border, which doesn’t match the peppermint tiles underneath, (though they went with the old peppermint paintwork), and the avocado loo, sink and corner bath which don’t go with anything but Dad says were terribly ‘with it’ at the time. They tried to tone it down by sanding and lime-washing the floorboards and painting everything else white but lying in the bath still feels like drowning in some putrid pond. (The MHOFs explain why the rest of the house is basically beige, apart from my bedroom, which is still sugary pink-for-a-girl where it’s not hidden with posters. Before the folks could bear to move in, they went round and neutralised all the mad wallpaper with a job-lot of magnolia – I’ve seen the photos in our Baby Book, Mum with a scarf over her hair and white freckles all over her arms, painting out giant tangerine daisies in the living room, with Bump-me like a football stuffed down her overalls). Also, there’s no proper shower, only a pink plastic head on a pink rubbery hose to fit over the taps that’s no use for anything but rinsing your hair. Mortons Three agree the only decent thing in there is the loo seat, clear peppermint-green plastic with thousands of paler green and white squares floating in it like thin slices of mint humbug. Dad swears it’s coming with us if we ever move.
Stripped to my pants, wrapped in a towel, I was twisting and turning in front of the mirror trying to assess the damage when my mother appeared. Silently, sulkily, I knelt on the white waffle bathmat and bent over the plastic avocado. Silently but far from sulkily, Mum turned the taps on, tested the temperature, and got on with our usual routine, only using Mamalou’s lovely herby lemony poo-bar instead of our usual supermarket bog-standard family shampoo. When it was done and squeezed half-dry, I was all set to stomp off to bed without speaking to Mum and catch my death of cold, as Nana always said happened to people who slept with damp hair. Then she’d be sorry. But before I could, she squeezed my shoulder.
‘Right, go get your PJs on, love. Then let’s have a nice cup of cocoa, and you can tell me and Dad properly about your day while your hair dries.’
What’s left of it, I thought bitterly. But Hidden House and my history project and my new Career Plan (ta-da!) were practically bursting to get out, and if I didn’t let them, they’d only bubble around inside my head all night and stop me sleeping. But instead of my favourite fleecy ‘jamas I decided to put my new things back on, they were just as soft, with the same faint, delicious scent all Mamalou’s laundry seemed to have; besides, I loved the idea of sleeping with Cecile on my chest. And on my way downstairs, I decided not to have my favourite cocoa either, so I went into the kitchen.
‘I want to try this new tea, Mum,’ I said, handing her the packet. ‘It might stop me getting tummy-ache.’
She opened it and sniffed. ‘Mm. Smells nice. Relaxing. Do you mind if I join you?’
I shook my head. ‘Would you like a cup as well, Dad? I could make us a pot.’
‘Woman Tea?’ He grinned. ‘OK, I’ll give it a go. As long as it doesn’t make me grow moobs.’
Mum’s Look said, ‘I’ve got news for you, darling.’ But her mouth only smiled as she put the kettle on, and I dug out the teapot we only use when Nana visits because she’s snobby about brewing up in your cup, and Dad and I put some Grange honey in ours because it was a bit bitter, but Mum preferred hers as it came. Then we took our mugs through to the living room, and they sat on the couch, and I sat in a beanbag in front of Mum, and she started finger-combing my hair while we sipped.
This is the only thing about my hair I don’t hate. Everything else is rubbish and it’s so unfair because my folks both have great hair, Dad’s thick, shiny conker brown to match his eyes, (although lately it’s been going grey round the edges), and Mum’s more than wavy but not quite curly, and looks fantastic however she wears it, and there’s a fair bit of ash in with the gold now but that looks good with her greeny-grey eyes. Then there’s me, piggy-in-the-middle, with boring sort of hazel eyes and fine, sort of brownish hair that just hangs and won’t hold a style for longer than ten minutes, Fi and I gave up trying with her curling tongs, and I daren’t have a perm in case it goes horribly wrong and has to be cut out really short and boom! it’s back to Peaky Blinders making my spotty moon-face look even fatter and rounder. It’s like having some whiny alien mouse with a million arms squatting on my head, always demanding attention but refusing to look any better than OK-at-least-it’s-tidy. I hate it so much I sometimes wish I was bald, although that probably wouldn’t help my looks. But being combed, (which Mum has to do before bed otherwise it mats into hard, painful lumps at the back of my skull and she has to hack them out with scissors), is such bliss it almost makes the rest worth putting up with.
Apart from Raven buying me a banana then letting me blag half her lunch- oh, and the blood-sisters bit, because they’d go on about diseases and infections, and what’d happened with the Lady and making wishes because they’d think I was mad, and running round getting my school clothes all sweaty and stinky so that my new friend’s famous mum had to secretly wash them, because they’d be mad. With me. Apart from that, I poured out our whole day and the folks drank it all in, looking really interested and asking loads of questions, especially about Mamalou and Hidden House; and when I told them about my Plan to Be Something in History, Mum actually clapped.
‘Oh, what a relief!’ She kissed the top of my head. ‘That’s wonderful news, isn’t it, Dave?’
Dad nodded. ‘Yeah, certainly sounds like you’ve found your calling, love. And your project sounds fascinating, I’m looking forward to seeing this place myself on Sunday.’
‘Me too. Goodness,’ said Mum, ‘I can hardly wait now! And thank God it’s a smallholding, not a stately home… I’ll wear my Aran jumper and tweed slacks, they look new. Net or plait?’
Oh poo. That meant she’d finished, and I had to decide how to control the Alien Mouse so it wouldn’t tie all her good work in knots overnight: either the hideous stretchy brown hairnet, which made me feel like a Rastafarian with a big hat full of dreadlocks but nothing like as cool, or the fat plait which sometimes wound round and got trapped as I turned over and jerked me painfully awake. To keep Mum fiddling with my hair a bit longer I chose plait, shivering as she drew a line either side of my spine, divided my hair into three, wove it loosely together, and fastened it with a white lace scrunchie.
‘There you go.’ Mum gave it her usual cheeky flip to say, ‘You’re done now, clear off to bed.’ I winced as the scrunchie hit just below my shoulder blades instead of the small of my back. Oh. My. God. It was so short. I hoped it wouldn’t look too awful in the morning.
I didn’t feel sleepy at all, but it was gone eleven and I knew arguing was pointless, so I kissed the folks goodnight and left them buzzing on the couch while I went up to brush my teeth, (yup, even after mouthwash I still had garlic breath), and have a last pee. Then I dug my diary out of my knicker drawer and started scribbling my day down in the shorthand Mum taught me one rainy summer holiday when I was bored. Fi used to get weird about it because it meant she couldn’t read my diary and she didn’t like the idea of me keeping secrets from her, and I couldn’t use it at school in case anyone else got weird, including the teachers who wouldn’t be able to check my rough work or notes. (I had a feeling Raven wouldn’t get weird, she’d get excited and demand I teach her it, unless she’d already learned at her posh schools). But it was really handy for Dear Diary, and I’d made up my own special squiggles for names and words like ‘fit’ and ‘fancy’ so it was a bit of a secret code even from Mum.
I wrote until my hand ached, and my head quietened down, and I started yawning. Then I switched off the light and snuggled under the duvet, hugging Cecile, thinking about everything Raven had told me, and how boring we seemed in comparison, living in our ordinary semi with my parents’ ordinary jobs and our ordinary little holidays, day trips or long weekends or odd weeks visiting rellies or going somewhere like Centre Parcs. The naughty secret game we started playing when I was about seven, Mum and Dad sticking me with a guidebook in some huge stately home and leaving me to pore over doll’s houses and cabinets of curiosities while they sloped off for a coffee and a stroll round the grounds. We had our story straight: if anyone asked, I was to say they’d just nipped to the loo and told me to wait for them there, then send our SOS text and they’d come back ASAP so they wouldn’t get reported to Social Services for abandoning me and I wouldn’t get taken into care. It never happened, though. I was too good at tagging onto tour groups if an attendant came round or lurking on the edge of some family or near some unsuspecting grown-up as if I belonged to them, or just plain hiding and trying not to giggle. Anyway, these enormous places were usually quiet enough, (we always went off-peak if we could), for me to sneak under the velvet ropes and have a proper nosey round the period rooms. Once I finished off a jigsaw lying on a nursery floor, with a shape like a map of England someone drew with their eyes closed cut into a flat wooden box, and the easy counties like Cornwall and Norfolk fitted in round the edges. I couldn’t resist filling in the middle. I wonder if anyone ever noticed. Another time I sat on a chair where the last bottom to sit was Queen Victoria’s, but that set off an alarm and I had to run up quick to the attic and hide in an exhibition about servants until it was safe to come down. (That’s one good thing about being an ordinary, plain, plump, sensible-looking sort of kid – look like you know where you’re going and don’t mess about, and adults don’t suspect you of getting up to mischief, if they notice you at all). I never told Mum and Dad, obviously, they’d have ended me – and the Game. And that hadn’t been boring, I loved our trips out, and staying in Cleethorpes with my auntie and uncle and cousins, or in Lincoln with Mum’s Great-Aunt Clarice, or going for weekend breaks in the Peaks or County Durham, and not having to change my name or wear a disguise round the house or be spied on by paparazzi or see pictures of Dad splashed across the Daily Mail… just being an ordinary family having ordinary fun. Cosy. Safe. Normal. And I suddenly thought that if I really could go and play at Hidden House whenever I wanted, I didn’t envy Raven’s life one bit, which was nice… and that got me thinking again about Maidenhowe, and my project, and going to see the Lady on Saturday. I didn’t think about Fi at all. And then I fell asleep.
Chapter 4: Aftershocks
Moments later I fell back into my body, heart thudding. My eyes snapped open. Gasping, I stared into darkness until I got myself together, then glanced at the clock. Uh? I blinked a couple of times. The green numbers blinked back, repeating 03:45, then changed to 03:46. Whoa. I thought I’d just dozed into one of those mad, vivid, half-thought, half-dreams for a minute, not slept solidly for four hours! Apart from this summer when I’d been crying into my pillow over Fi, quarter to four wasn’t a time I usually saw except on Christmas morning. (Unless I had to stumble into the MHOF for a semi-conscious cocoa pee, I slept almost from switching my lamp off at eleven to the radio alarm waking me at seven, and still didn’t want to get up when the news came on at half-past). But on this ordinary Day 2 Wednesday, I was an over-excited little kid again, wide awake and itching to play with my presents – because last night I’d had the most amazing dream ever!
I clicked on the lamp, scrabbled for my diary and pen, flicked back to the empty week after Fi left when I’d been too depressed to write anything, and started scribbling furiously before it faded and I forgot the details. Wow. Brilliant. I could really use this! Then my tum gave a great gurgly heave, and my bottom let out a nasty smell. Oops – I could also really use the loo. Glad of my new slipper-socks, I pulled them over my leggings, and put my dressing gown over Cecile because the heating wouldn’t kick in for ages yet and the bathroom would be freezing, then tiptoed out, (although judging by the snores, I could’ve tap-danced past Mum and Dad’s room banging a drum and they wouldn’t have woken).
I did a much bigger business than usual – all that fruit and veg yesterday – which gave me an idea. Last time I weighed myself, I’d been so horrified I’d avoided the scales ever since, but after dumping that load, I thought I could face them. So I quickly stripped, surprised to see I’d added a big red rose of my own to my new paddy-pants because it hadn’t hurt a bit, Mamalou’s tea must’ve worked. Then I took a deep breath and stepped carefully aboard, covered in goosebumps and trying not to shiver, because the scales were as old as the house, Mum and Dad found them in the bathroom cupboard and never got round to replacing them. They were marked in pounds and stones, with two black rubbery footprints to stand on, and not very accurate – if you got on too fast, or jiggled at all, the dial bounced and you could gain four pounds in a second. Weirdly, it never went the other way. So when I finally dared look, I gasped. Oh, my God! That couldn’t possibly- I got off, checked they were properly flat on the floor and tried again, even more carefully. Oh, my God. Oh. My. God. Not four pounds, just three. I’d lost three pounds. I’d lost three pounds. I’D LOST THREE POUNDS!!! That was what, about a kilo and a half? Wow! Awesome! True, my hair must’ve weighed something, and I’d just flushed at least a pound down the loo; but surely some of those ounces must be fat, lost without me noticing, melted away as if by magic-
Oh, my God. Blood-magic. It was working! I scrambled back into my clothes, (luckily still warm), feeling weak-kneed and slightly stunned but even happier and more excited now. No way was I going back to sleep! I just wanted to get on with things, so I crept downstairs and brewed a cup of Woman and changed my pad for a plain pink one from my period bag, and put the rosy one to soak in cold water like Mum did with my school shirt when I had a nosebleed down it, and took my tea and school bag upstairs and snuggled back into bed with Thomas Hardy. I liked the book, a battered old Penguin classic with a lovely painting on the front of sheep in snow, no mysterious modern art there. I read all the introductory bits we hadn’t had time for in class, and looked at the map, and read the first chapter again stopping to look up everything I didn’t understand in the notes at the end. Then I went straight on to Chapter 2, which was about the countryside and lambing and calving and not very long, so I read its notes too. Then I answered our homework questions and said Miss Everdene and Farmer Oak wouldn’t make a good couple because she was too full of herself to appreciate an ordinary, decent working man like him, but she was brave and confident as well as pretty, so she’d probably be OK if she grew up a bit. I thought I was being very fair because Bathsheba sounded just like the sort of Year 12 bitch I couldn’t stand, and I was itching to find out whether nasty things were going to happen to her but that’d take ages of reading… maybe I could watch the film this weekend! Mamalou might have it, being a fan. If not I’d ask Mum to get it for us, she likes a costume drama.
Next, I got stuck into Shakespeare. The line ‘I saw young Harry with his beaver on’ made me laugh because I imagined a big fat brown one sitting on his head. Then I remembered Raven pronouncing it ‘bevva,’ and looked out the drawing of a knight in armour in Baldy’s glossary with all the pieces labelled and saw straight away that estriches weren’t a type of partridge, they were ostriches, because of the feathers on his helmet. Then I had to smile at ‘Bevor or beaver, from the French ‘bavoir,’ a bib,’ because it was worn under his chin to protect his jaw, where it’d catch the spit too if he dribbled. Or bled. And then I could imagine Prince Hal properly, with his face (a bit like Josh Brown’s) cupped in shiny steel, armour on his legs, and a page standing by holding his helmet with the three Prince of Wales plumes on top, and when I read the line again as ‘bevor’ I rushed all over with goosebumps and got a lump in my throat. I had to learn this speech! Then I’d be able to say it to myself whenever I wanted, like Raven. Hmm. Maybe… maybe I could even play the character who says it, (although it might give Baldy a heart attack if I asked for a speaking part). Maybe it’d feel so good saying those words to an audience I wouldn’t even blush.
Meanwhile it was easy to write up my answers because I already knew what I wanted to say, and it wasn’t worth doing any more for history until I’d gone through the rest of the Gardiners’ stuff and talked to Mr Granger. That only left French, which Mamalou had checked, but I quickly went through again just in case. Parfait. Then I put everything neatly in my folders to show Mum, and was about to tell myself, ‘Très bien, Eloise,’ when I clapped a hand over my mouth. My third wish! Had it been granted? I felt my heart speed up as I thought about all the ways the Joob had tried teaching me, and how hard I’d tried, and Mamalou saying I shouldn’t try too hard. Then I put my tongue softly behind my front teeth, and somehow instead of blowing a raspberry or whistling through my braces, I got it to vibrate and make a sort of droning sound. Oh, my God. I tried again. And again. No fluke. It wasn’t exactly right, but it was coming from the right place, and a lot better than I’d ever managed before. I tried a ‘trrr.’ Whoa. Then I tried the whole thing.
‘Très bien, Eloise. Trrrès bien. Trrrrrrrrès bien!’ I danced around, punching the air. ‘Drrrr. Trrrr. Grrreat! Brrriliiant! In-crrredible!’
Flopping down on my stool, (creamy-white antique-effect with spindly legs, decorated with leafy garlands which used to be gold but now it’s mostly worn off), I grinned a huge metal grin into the mirror on the matching dressing-table. The original owners had left them behind too in their original place in front of the window, which gives a good light for squeezing spots but looks ugly from the back garden, as Dad always moans. I rolled some more Rs at my reflection, blew myself a raspberry to celebrate, then stuck out my clever tongue and waggled it – and next thing I knew, it was curling at the edges and rolling itself into a little pink tube.
Whoa! What the-? Impossible! You either could or you couldn’t, it was genetics, like my boring hair and eyes – I wasn’t going to wake up one morning and find myself a green-eyed blonde like Mum. Then I remembered I had had fair, wavy hair as a baby, it didn’t go mousy-straight until primary school. So I must’ve been a tongue-roller all along – like I could’ve rolled my Rs all along, obviously, I just didn’t have the knack… but now blood-magic had helped me find it.
Whoa. Wow. ‘Thank you, Lady,’ I whispered, covered in goosebumps again and feeling more than a little freaked out, to be perfectly honest. I took a deep breath. Come on, Ellie, I told myself. Chill. Think about it. I’d lost three pounds, big deal. Yesterday I’d had no breakfast, half a lunch, only veggies and fruit for dinner, and no sweets except a single candied chestnut. And I’d done all that sweating and running around instead of sitting with Fi drinking milk and eating chocolate HobNobs. And maybe I’d just been bloaty, not fat as such, because I’d had a period coming, (Mum can gain five pounds in her PMT week if she drinks caffeine and eats too much white stuff), and now it was going away. And I hadn’t weighed myself in ages. Maybe I hadn’t been as heavy as I thought. Whatever, it wasn’t that weird. Neither was finally cracking my French Rs. It was about time, I’d practised enough. Maybe the Lady had helped, maybe she hadn’t. Maybe Raven had tricked me into it, like she’d got me to run down Maidenhowe… I could tell she loved mind-games, playing with words, making people do what she wanted, like she’d made Mum agree to let me visit pretty much whenever… and so what? It was OK, wasn’t it? More than OK. Maybe this is how all wishes get granted – you decide what you want, then start making it happen. Or maybe I’d done it for myself, decided without realising – new term, new friend, new start, get a grip, Ellie… grow up.
And now here I was, tra-la! Three pounds lighter, split ends gone, properly menstruating- oh, my God. My reflection goldfished at me. Oh, come on, I thought. Don’t be silly. The Lady’s not sucking it out of you, it’s just coincidence- but the same thing had happened to Raven! She told me so, last time she wished! I gulped. Oh, my God. Blood Magic. Virgin blood magic. Oh, my God. What had she got me into? What had I done?
Taking a deep breath, I looked myself straight in the eye. ‘My homework. That’s what I’ve done,’ I said firmly. ‘All of it – and some. Really well. And it’s still only half six- oh, my God! But I’ve not charged my phone yet! Fi must be going frantic.’
I dug it out of my bag, hurried down to the kitchen, and plugged it into the charger we keep on the fridge. Then I had an idea. Mum and Dad’s daily argument starts at quarter to seven when their alarm goes off and neither wants to get up and make breakfast. (Dad usually loses, I hear him stumping downstairs around five past and rattling back up with the tray ten minutes later). But today I was already up, wide awake and starving hungry after studying for hours, so I put the kettle on and made their single-pot-a-day-indulgence fresh coffee, and Mum’s sugar-free wholegrain muesli with skimmed milk (she’s on a permanent diet, trying not to go bloaty) while Dad’s toast was toasting, (to be slathered with peanut butter and strawberry jam, he never diets if he can help it), and put it all on their bed-tray with two glasses of OJ and the milk jug.
The alarm had just started beeping when I elbowed their door open and took it in. ‘Hi, folks. Happy Wednesday!’
‘Uh? Good God.’ Dad nudged Mum. ‘Pinch me, love. I’m dreaming that Eloise has just brought us breakfast in bed.’
‘What?’ Mum untangled herself from the duvet. ‘Really? Well, what a lovely surprise! Thanks, darling. What’s the occasion?’
I unfolded the tray legs and set it carefully between them. ‘Nothing, I just woke up early. I think it was all the excitement. And I felt like finishing my homework, so I did- oh, and listen to this! Drrrrr. Trrrrr. Trrrès bien. I’ve finally sussed my French Rs.’
‘Bravo! Well done, love,’ said Dad. ‘They’d been a thorn in your side since Year 7, hadn’t they?’
‘Yeah. Maybe it was spending so much time talking French to French people last night that did it,’ I said, trying to convince myself. ‘Anyway, enjoy. I’m off to get my own now.’
Dad’s toast smelt so good I decided to have some instead of my last two chocolate Pop-Tarts; and remembering what Raven had said, I read the ingredients on the packet while two thick wholemeal slices toasted just long enough to be toast but still squishy in the middle. And the calorie content. Hmm. Then I hid them under some other rubbish in the bin so Mum wouldn’t tell me off for waste and recycled the box. I’d tell her not to bother buying any more, I guess I could live without them. Because what I really fancied was something not sweet- Marmite? Peanut butter? Can’t decide. One of each, then. Mm-mm. I sat happily munching, washing the toast down with honeyed Woman, and thinking about my day. Day 2. Double Geography first, which I liked, then double Games, which I hated; my least favourite subject next to Maths, and always timetabled to end with a break, lunch, or home-time to give us longer to shower afterwards. Which I also hated, obviously – but today I had the period excuse, so I’d be let off with a wash in the sink. Brilliant. Must remember my sports bag, currently stuffed at the back of the wardrobe, like it had been since Mum washed and packed my kit away at the end of summer term.
Suddenly remembering Fi, (who was better at Games than me, but hated it just as much), I switched my phone on and fidgeted until it came alive and started pinging with texts and missed calls from Mum, and- one text from her? Soz El mad busy OK tho hope U R 2 C U Sun Fi xoxox. Huh. Still, I couldn’t moan, I hadn’t texted her either. I replied, Same here! C U then. El xoxox. Then I looked on her social media. Not many words (typical Fi) but loads of pictures. An ice-hockey team, big fit lads in red-and-white kit standing or kneeling on the ice with their helmets tucked under their arms. Jamie buried in one of their shirts, grinning through the bars of an outsize helmet and waving an ice-hockey stick. Fi in a red-and-white blouson, flirty red skirt and black leggings, flat on her bum on the ice, head thrown back, howling with laughter (or cold). Jamie pelting round speed-skating, (he was always a whizz on his roller skates and skateboard, so I suppose ice-skating’s not much different). Fi being towed between Jamie and one of the team, pony-tail streaming behind, eyes and mouth wide, probably screaming her head off. Fi hand in hand with the hockey player, tall, dark, and drop-dead gorgeous without his helmet, looking like a lamb taking its first wobbly steps on her big white skating boots. Fi in a selfie, sandwiched between him and a gorgeous dark girl about our age, enough alike to be bro and sis, all three making silly trout-pouts. And a short video of Fi and the lad skating slowly towards the camera holding hands, then he lets go and she keeps coming by herself until she thwacks into the barrier because she hasn’t learnt to stop – whoever’s filming steps back just in time, and you see the girl catch Fi to stop her taking a header out of the rink, and they cling to each other laughing for a second. Then it starts over. I watched it again, Fi grinning like crazy, either watching her feet or the camera, while he watches her like most lads watch Fi, only slightly less gormless. I wondered if she fancied him. She’d be mad not to – but she always says she can’t stand boys, Jamie’s put her off for life, and she only ever falls in love with older men like Baldy and Vin Diesel and our newsagent who she says looks like Ryan Reynolds, although I can’t see it myself.
At first, I felt sick – until I thought how much sicker I’d be if it wasn’t for Raven, and all the great stuff happening here. Then I felt mainly relieved, like I’d been given permission to make new friends too and be as happy as I could without feeling guilty because Fi was miserable and homesick, and glad for us both, although I couldn’t help being a bit jealous because it all looked so cool, especially the lad, plus it was really weird to see Fi and Jamie doing anything together, let alone sport, let alone something that could get you cold and wet or break your ankle. So it was good she was having some fun – she might as well make the most of Montreal until she came home, like Mamalou and Raven in London – and we’d have loads to talk about over the Christmas hols, and I was going to be so busy with my project and everything, term would probably fly by and she’d be back before I knew it. I hoped she’d like Raven. It’d be nice if we could all chillax at Hidden House and visit the Lady together, maybe make some New Year wishes…
Meanwhile it was nice to feel so light, as if I’d just put a heavy bag of books down. I hadn’t realised till then how much sadder Fi’s texts usually made me, or how much worse I felt seeing her cry every Facetime, (which always got me crying too), even though it was sort of nice to know she missed me and thought about me and home all the time. But we’d been moaning non-stop about Canada for two months now, and it suddenly felt pretty old. Maybe we should suck it up and get on with things, try to have a laugh like we used to, because I was sick to death of crying. I must remember to call Fi from Raven’s on Sunday, I was dying to know who these people were – and what was going on with Him especially.
I was still wondering while I got ready for school, plenty early, no rush. White regulation sports bra (yuck) on ready so I wouldn’t have to get my chest out twice in the changing room. Yesterday’s clean one (I remembered!) tucked into sports bag dug out from wardrobe. Yesterday’s clean shirt and jumper over the top. Regulation black tights. Kilt- I forgot Fi in a millisecond. It was easier to fasten! No way loose, but not digging into my tum as much. Wow! Brilliant! I twisted around in front of the mirror, smoothing it over my bulges, trying to see my rear view. Oh, poo. It didn’t look any better, but it felt comfier.
Right, then. My reflection squared her shoulders and stuck her chin out at me. Suddenly, I felt determined to keep up the good work until I did look different, and my squidgy muffin-top was gone – and this time I felt I could do it. I mean, yesterday I’d been sort of dieting and exercising without even noticing, without starving or missing sweets (much), and I’d done loads and had a great time. Which meant today could be the same. I’d try harder in Games, run about more, see if I could sweat off another kilo. Yeah. Wow. Go, Ellie! Suddenly, for the first time ever, I could hardly wait for tomorrow’s weigh-in – because at this rate, my second wish might stand a chance of coming true!
In all the excitement I’d forgotten my hair, too – but now my stomach sank as I sat down, undid my plait, shook it loose, and reached for the comb. Then I stopped. Oh, my God. It hadn’t been this short or looked this dark in years! I picked up a strand, all smooth and blunt ended, no frizz. Hmm. Peering close in the bright morning sunlight, I realised it wasn’t totally mouse. Some hairs were gold like Mum’s, some were darker like Dad’s, and odd ones looked positively ginger. Pity when you mixed it together it made boring light brown, like all the colours in a paintbox make that weird sludgy grey. At least Mamalou’s Poo had made it shinier than usual. Maybe Mum had a point. Maybe it did look better. I swung it – it did swing now, instead of clinging like a static tent round my jumper – and shook it some more. This was the only time the Alien Mouse ever looked nice, freshly dried into plait-ripples, but by the time I’d combed it properly and walked to school it’d be flat and straight again. Unless- I rooted in my dressing table drawer for an ancient tub of hair gel. The top had gone solid but the middle was still soft, so I grabbed a gloop and finger-combed it through the waves, hoping it might set them.
Wow. For once my hair looked like a shampoo advert, apart from the colour (or lack of). I decided to leave it uncombed and see how long the ripples lasted, stuck a couple of hairgrips in to keep it behind my ears, then inspected my face. Oh, my God! My skin had cleared up! That huge, angry chin-pimple must’ve popped in the shower last night – it had finally lost its yellow head, and shrunk to pink, and stopped throbbing – and the pores on my nose and forehead didn’t look so black, maybe sweating had washed them out. I wiped them with Clearasil and put my cheapo moisturiser on, wondering if I dared ask Mamalou to make me some special Moi for my awkward skin, greasy in the middle and itchy, blotchy dry round the edges. In the meantime, I looked relatively good – bright and clean with a semblance of hairstyle, a totally different girl from the red-eyed, spotty fat lump I’d avoided in yesterday’s mirror. As a final touch, I dabbed Clarity on my pulse spots. I wouldn’t mind going to school today at all. And I wouldn’t feel quite so ugly next to- Raven! We could walk in together! I could meet her and come into school the back way, it shouldn’t take any longer than my normal walk with Fi. I galloped downstairs, found her number on Mum’s phone and was just about to text her when ping! A message came though. C U at cottages 8.45? I grinned – great minds thinking alike again – and replied with a thumbs-up. Nothing more from Fi, though. Oh, well.
The folks were getting up now, I could hear them through the ceiling. I nipped back upstairs for my bags, spread my homework out on the kitchen table, sat down smugly with another cup of Woman, and was well stuck into Chapter 3 of Madding when Mum rattled in with the tray.
‘Thanks for breakfast, darling- good grief!’ Her jaw literally dropped. ‘What’ve you done to yourself?’
‘Just finger-combed a bit of gel through my hair,’ I said nonchalantly, tossing my wiggly mane. ‘You were right, Mum – it does look better.’ I stood up and gave her a hug. ‘Thanks for cutting it so nicely. I’m sorry I was such a witch about it last night.’
‘No worries.’ She hugged back. ‘Mm… you smell nice.’ Then she pushed me away to arm’s length and stared hard. ‘And you look beautiful, Ellie.’ To my surprise, her eyes filled with tears. ‘You’re really growing up, aren’t you? You’re a young woman now… not my little girl any more.’
A bit choked myself, I pulled her close again and whispered, ‘Don’t be daft. I’ll always be your little girl, Mummy.’
‘Am I interrupting something?’ Dad breezed in, ruining the moment. ‘Whoa!’ He went to look over my homework, turning a page here and there. ‘Good job, Eloise! You’ve certainly been busy. What a great start to the term – keep it up, darling! Right then, must dash, I’ve got an early appointment.’ He grabbed his phone off the fridge, his lunchbox out of it, and smacked us both a kiss on the cheek. ‘Have a good day, ladies! See you at teatime.’
As he breezed out again, Mum and I looked at each other and burst into giggles. Typical Dad. He’s rubbish at noticing stuff like hair and clothes and make-up, and it’s pointless getting upset, or asking what he thinks, because he just shrugs. ‘Yes, of course you look nice. You always look nice. It goes without saying.’ Which is sort of a compliment, I suppose; and to be fair, he never notices spots or split ends or muffin-tops either. Then I rinsed the breakfast pots while she put her work face on, and packed what I needed in my bag and put everything else in my bedroom.
‘What are you doing for lunch?’ Mum asked when I came back.
‘Um.’ My face went hot. ‘I’m not sure.’ It was true; Raven might have forgotten, or changed her mind, or not have enough to share today. And although I couldn’t wait to tell Mum about losing weight, I didn’t dare say anything because she’d want to help, buy slimming magazines and low-cal everything, then Dad would notice, then I’d have them both being supportive, asking me how it was going blah blah the whole time, and then it’d be really embarrassing if I cracked and ate a whole stuffed-crust pizza and a full tub of Rocky Road and a packet of chocolate HobNobs and regained all the weight in one sitting. ‘I’ll take a banana for break, though. It made a nice change yesterday.’
Mum smiled; she’s always on about five-a-day. ‘Good idea. They’re much better for you, especially at this time of the month. Take a couple of nectarines too, they need eating up.’
Great! One each. ‘Thanks, Mum.’ I put the fruit in a plastic box to stop it squashing on my files and glanced at the kitchen clock. Twenty past eight. ‘I might as well go now. I’m meeting Raven on Townsend Road, and I’m not sure how long it’ll take to walk.’
Mum positively beamed. ‘Oh, good! You know, Dad and I had been quite worried about you, seeing you pine over Fi… I was rather dreading this term, wondering how you’d get on without her. But we couldn’t have hoped for you to meet a nicer new friend. You must bring Raven over here sometimes as well, it’s not fair on Lou otherwise – so you can tell her she’s welcome to join us for tea tonight, if she likes Spag Bol.’
‘Um. Thanks, Mum,’ I said doubtfully. ‘But I think they might be vegetarian.’
Mum shrugged. ‘No problem, I’ll just leave the mince out. Right then – if it’s OK with Lou, I’ll expect you both at the usual time.’
‘Um. Yeah. Thanks. I’ll, um, text and let you know,’ I said, secretly hoping Raven wouldn’t be able to come. Not that Mum’s Spag Bol was bad, but it usually came out of a jar, which I guessed Mamalou’s didn’t if she ever cooked it. ‘Have a good day.’
‘I’ll try.’ Mum grimaced as I pecked her cheek; her current job bored her to tears. ‘See you later, love. Oh, and remember to take your lunch money today.’
I stuffed it in my blazer pocket on the way out, then practically skipped down the path feeling vaguely guilty, but great. Five pounds richer – if I didn’t spend it on lunch, I’d stick it in my Christmas piggy-bank – and three pounds lighter! I headed up the road, not too fast, (I didn’t want to get sweaty), but not dragging my feet like yesterday, crossed at my usual place, took a deep breath, and stared straight at Fi’s house as the front door opened and a dark-haired woman came out, younger than Mrs McD, with two little dark girls who looked about five and six, dressed in little red duffel coats and tartan skirts like I wore for Infants. They were so cute I couldn’t help smiling, and their mum saw and smiled back, and it was really nice, and I knew I’d never mind walking past again and decided that if I saw them tomorrow, I’d say hello, maybe introduce myself, explain why I kept staring at their house… and find out her name, so I wouldn’t have to keep calling it Fi’s to myself.
I carried on playing with the idea as I walked, imagining getting to know the family, maybe offering to babysit so I could have a nosey inside, see what they’d done with the place. It’d be weird seeing it full of someone else’s stuff – I wondered if the little sisters slept together in Fi’s old room – but somehow the thought didn’t make me sad today. Then when I turned onto the old main road, I thought about history again, noticing gaps and footpaths between houses that must lead to the shortcut, and eventually spotted a lane overhung by trees, just wide enough to drive down. I wimped out of trying it in case it was muddy, or I stupidly got lost and kept Raven waiting and made us both late. Instead, when I turned onto Townsend Road I stayed on the right and gazed into the fields. It was hard to tell where any paths might go because of all the trees and hedges in the way, but practically opposite Idenowes Terrace I came to a wide gap opening onto a sort of raised track rutted by tractor tyres, where a woman with a dog on a lead was pushing a stroller in the direction of town. Wondering if she’d come from the cottages, I glanced over and was surprised to see Raven come round the side of my favourite holding a watering can. She saw me at the same moment, waved with her free hand, then began watering the front tubs and window-boxes while I crossed the road.
‘Hi, Raven!’ I said from the gate.
‘Hi, Ellie!’ she replied over her shoulder, and went on before I could ask, ‘The tenant’s been taken into hospital, so Mum and I are looking after his garden. There! All done.’ Putting the can down in the little wooden porch, she wiped her hands on her kilt, retrieved her school bags from it, and turned to me. ‘Wow! Love your hair.’
‘Thanks. Mum said I looked too grungy for company and threatened to ground me for the weekend if I didn’t let her cut the split ends off,’ I blurted as we set off down the road. Then I thought maybe I shouldn’t have because it made Mum sound like a bit of an ogre, and I didn’t want Raven thinking badly of her because she didn’t know about the years of rows and begging and pleading and trying to bribe me into a hairdresser’s, all because I was ashamed to admit I had to keep it long to hide my podgy face, and round shoulders, and the ugly squashy bra line that showed through the back of my school jumpers. So I added hastily, ‘And I’m really glad, because she’s made it look loads better.’
‘Yes, and not just your hair. You look different. Sort of shiny.’
My cheeks – just my cheeks! – flushed, and suddenly I felt quite pretty. Next thing I was gabbling to Raven, pouring out my amazing news about the Lady granting my wishes, and my plan to Be Something In History and feeling I actually could, and deciding to try harder at everything including Games, and about Fi having fun with her new skating friends. ‘I’m so pleased for her! Not to mention relieved… like when you’ve had ‘flu and been poorly for ages, then it clears up and you don’t just feel OK, you feel brilliant because nothing hurts, and everything works properly again.’ I grinned. ‘Well, I feel totally brilliant today.’
‘I can tell,’ Raven grinned back. ‘And I know what you mean. I haven’t been this happy since before Dad lost the plot.’ She slipped her arm through mine. ‘It’s great to have a friend I can really talk to.’
‘Yeah, I’d forgotten what it was like to have a conversation without someone bursting into tears! And it’s so weird to think I wouldn’t feel like this if Fi was still here, because yesterday wouldn’t have happened and it’d be same-old, same old. You’d have been put somewhere else, a different class maybe, and we’d be walking our usual way moaning about Games and feeling like we’d been back at school forever. But today I’m almost looking forward to it, and I can’t wait for French! So I feel a bit awful as well, like I’m actually glad that Fi’s gone. And I’m not, but- oh, you know what I mean.’
Raven nodded. ‘Like I’m not glad Dad’s dead, but I am glad to be here now. And I can’t wait for Friday night – we’re going to have such a laugh.’
That reminded me. ‘Um, well, you don’t have to. Wait, I mean. Mum says you can come to ours tonight if you like. We’re having, um, Veggie Bolognese.’
‘Cool! I love pasta!’ Raven pulled her arm out of mine and her phone out of her pocket. ‘Tell your mum thanks,’ she started texting, ‘and I’ll tell Maman not to cook for me.’
Chapter 5: Day 2
‘Is it OK if we swing by home first?’ Raven asked as we headed out of EngLang, our last lesson. ‘I don’t fancy lugging my bags all the way to your place.’
‘Yeah, no problem.’ I’d have agreed to anything, I was still buzzing because Day 2 had been magic – well, apart from Games, but even that worked out OK in the end. For me, anyway.
It started so sweetly I’d been sucking on the moment all day. By the time we reached the church, Raven and I had got mixed up with a big loose gang who’d bussed in from the new estate or walked from Townsend Road, where Dad said house prices had gone through the roof on account of people wanting to live near GSA for their kids; and at the turn-off for the school gates, we ran into another big loose gang coming the opposite way, from the old new estate. My stomach gave a huge BOING as we came face-to-face with Joshua Brown, draped all over Chardonnay Jenkins. She gave us her usual, ‘Ha ha, look what I’ve got,’ smirk, but it dropped off when Josh pulled up short, nearly jerking her off her feet, and a big grin spread over his face.
‘Hi, Raven! So, you come in this way as well? Cool.’ He gave her a cheeky wink. ‘I’ll look out for you.’ Then he looked at me. Oddly, like he’d never seen me before. He blinked. The grin faded for a second. Then it came back again, full beam, crinkling his eyes. My stomach went boing-boing-boing. ‘Hey, El!’ he said. ‘Wicked hair.’
I thought of icebergs, dams, floodgates, anything to cool the red tide and stop it at my cheeks. ‘Thanks, Josh.’ Glowing prettily, (I hoped), I tossed my wiggles and smiled at him nicely, no metal. Then – I still can’t believe it – I managed to say, ‘See you in class, then,’ and walk away, leaving them standing. It’s probably the coolest thing I’ve ever done, and you should’ve seen Chard’s face – I only wish I’d had my camera out.
Next we caught up with Libby and Caro, dawdling over a phone. They admired my hair as well, although Lib looked a bit sick because she’s always been third prettiest after Fi (now Raven) and Caro, and maybe I was catching up in that way too. We dawdled on to assembly together, passing round Fi’s latest pictures on Caro’s monster screen: ice-hockey players on the school practice rink, Jamie snowboarding down the school artificial ski-slope, Fi ice-skating, Fi and Jamie with the gorgeous dark-haired boy and girl, up to their necks in a hot-tub, and I could see why she hadn’t texted, and felt even better about all the good new stuff happening for me.
That carried on in assembly, when the Prince gave her usual Day 2 announcements about after-school activities, and trials for sports teams and DebateSoc, and music and drama auditions. Raven whispered that she was going to try for Baldy’s Drama Group – I was pleased, it’s the only thing I ever join – but she couldn’t decide between Orchestra and Choir, (which I’d quite like if I dared and could sing), because the orchestra usually accompanies the choir and you can’t be in two places at once.
Then in class, Baldy handed Raven a form to sign and a fresh timetable to fill in and told her to copy from mine, and swapped her blue, cherry, and pink files for a brown and two greens, with wads of course bumf she’d missed yesterday. And suddenly we were doing the same options – just like me and Fi, for want of a better idea.
‘Mum emailed Dr B as soon as we got home last night,’ Raven explained on the way to Double Geog. ‘And she rang Mum straight away, and it turns out this is the only other combination that works with the timetable apart from Art, Music, and Something Else not science or maths. You don’t mind, do you?’
My stomach boinged unhappily then sank into my shoes. ‘Um- no, no, it’s cool. But, um, I suppose you’ll want Hidden House for your project now, won’t you? I mean, it’s your home, your history.’
Raven giggled. ‘Not on Mum’s side. No, I’m going to do the Desmoulins in the French Revolution and American wars. There’s a great family archive – Aunt Genie’s even got a portrait of Captain Jean-Claude painted in 17-whenever. The movie people took a publicity shot of Joey posing next to it in his replica uniform – it’s amazing, they practically look like clones. I’ll find a copy and show you.’ She grinned. ‘Shame his acting skills didn’t match up.’
My stomach boinged happily back to its usual place and stayed there through Geog, which was on glaciers and interesting enough to make me forget about Games. But when the break bell rang, it sank again and by the time we got to the quad I felt too sick to eat my banana (100 calories saved, whoop-de-do).
‘Whoa! You’re keen,’ said Raven as I hustled her off to the Sports Block a minute early, blazer over my arm, unbuttoning my collar and cuffs as we went, with Kat Samson and Bree Patrick puffing along behind.
I wasn’t really. Our term choices, (hockey or football one week, gym or indoor court sports the next), were no choice for me – I hated them all. But I said, ‘Um- yeah, I like to get my favourite peg in the changing room, it’s handy for the loos.’ Which was true – but it was also tucked away behind the other racks in the corner furthest from the door, where people were least likely to see, (apart from Bree and Kat, and I don’t mind sharing with them). I headed straight for it unzipping my sports bag, hung up my blazer – a poor curtain, but better than nothing – dumped my bag on the bench as a shield, turned my back, whipped both tops off together, then whipped on my white polo shirt.
Phew! Flab decently veiled, I slowed down, added my maroon hoodie tracksuit top pulled well down over my bum, and had just dropped my tights and kilt when an icy hand squeezed my stomach. Oh my God! I hadn’t changed my pink flowery period pants for regulation maroon sports pants! Flopping onto the bench, I dragged my bag across my lap before anyone noticed and rummaged through desperately. No pants anywhere. Oh. My. God. No optional shorts, either – I hardly ever wear them because they ride up my bum when I run and make it look wobbly-huge, and I stopped hunting as I saw them in my mind, still neatly folded in my bottom drawer next to my forgotten pants, spare polo shirt, white tennis skirt, and the swimsuit I hardly ever wear either, for obvious reasons.
Calling myself every rude name I could think of, I wriggled into my stretchy gym skirt, stood and hitched it up quick, then put my trackie bottoms underneath; it looked a bit silly, but so does everyone else who prefers skirts to shorts, and at least I’d be allowed to keep them on for the first half while we warmed up and practised bully-off and passing and dribbling and shooting goals. As for the second half… well, if I was careful, I might just get away without my first-ever uniform de-merit. Glumly, I pulled on the hideous scab-and-pus stripy socks, stuffed in my shin pads, and laced up my hockey boots. Meanwhile Raven had stripped to the buff, rubbed a deodorant bar under her arms, and re-dressed in brand-new uniform sports undies, shirt, and shorts which (of course) looked great on her, as did the tracksuit. Then she followed me to the racks and chose a battered old school hockey stick; I was surprised, I thought she’d have her own from when she played at her posh schools.
Raven must’ve noticed because she leant close and muttered, ‘Mine’s some high-tech pro thing Dad paid a mint for, I was too embarrassed to bring it given how crap I am at hockey.’ She giggled. ‘You’ll soon see. I bet I’m worse than you.’
We were about the same, actually. Raven could run a lot faster, but I could dribble and pass better, (she kept missing the ball), so Ms ‘Mellie’ Mellors put us both on the duds’ side, (I mean B Team), for Period 2 – along with Chard who hated mud, and running because her chest practically hit her in the face even in a sports bra, and messing up her hair and the make-up she shouldn’t have been wearing, and Lib who’s been phobic about balls since Year 8 when a high one chipped her front tooth, plus half a dozen other more or less hopeless cases. On regular days, Mellie tries to split the good players fairly to make it a more even match, but the first session was always so she could watch last year’s school team members in action together and make sure they were still up to it after the long break – which meant she always put them all on A Team, which meant B Team always got totally destroyed.
I wore my trackie bottoms till the last possible second, (we were allowed to keep the tops on for matches, so those of us with bouncy chests always did in case of watching boys), then thanking God it wasn’t windy, I pulled my skirt down as far as it would go without falling off, pulled my top down over it, and jogged carefully into my normal position. Right Back. Yeah, that suited me – right at the back, trying to look keen but staying well away from the action, and counting the seconds till full-time.
Raven got Fi’s old place, Right Wing, and ran about looking impressive but not achieving much while I hovered round the goal, occasionally lumbering out to try and stop a ball as it hurtled towards Bree, (our widest team-mate, and a half-decent goalie), keeping my back to the Mel, and hoping no-one could see up my skirt. Luckily, no-one did, and I felt quite giddy when second half started even though we were losing 0-8. Not long now! I gazed at the Sports Block, planning to dash for my bottoms the moment the whistle blew, try and jog all the way back to be first in-
‘Raven!’ someone yelled. I jumped, whipped my head back to the game, and saw the ball pelting down the wing with Raven pelting after, overtaking it, making a wild swing – and missing.
‘Yours, Ellie!’ she screamed, as it rolled on fast in my direction. ‘Stop it!’
I stuck my stick out, clipped the ball, deflected it into the circle, and chased it as fast as I could while the A Team attackers raced forward. Then I caught up, and thwack! I hit the best ball of my life, a lovely clean stroke which whizzed past the horrified goalie and thumped into the corner of the net.
‘Goal!’ I shrieked, jumping up and down waving my stick over my head with both hands. It was my first ever in a match. The team shrieked too, cheering and applauding. The A Team, that is. The B team stood frozen, staring at me, the goalie’s mouth hanging open. Bree’s mouth. Our goalie. A boiling red wave rushed to my hairline – I’d scored an own goal – and as I abruptly stopped jumping, my overstretched skirt dropped to my ankles.
PHEEEEP! Mellie’s whistle cut through the laughter. Like half the teams, she’d seen my rosy full moon as I bent over to yank it back up, and sternly pointed me off the pitch. Now I was in trouble (as if things weren’t bad enough). But when I explained about paddy-pants she looked interested and said what a good idea, you should sew press-studs in some sport pants for this time of the month.
Even better, she patted my shoulder and told me not to dwell on the goal. ‘It can happen to any player in the heat of the moment – and otherwise, it was a perfect shot,’ she said kindly. ‘Yes, I’ve been watching you today, Eloise, and it was good to see you engaging instead of hiding at the back doing nothing. With a bit more focus and practice and a lot more self-confidence, you could play well enough to really enjoy it.’
Best of all, Mellie said that under the circumstances she hadn’t the heart to give my pants a de-merit, pretended her pen wouldn’t work to make the black mark in her book, then sent me off with a wink to get cleaned up. Knowing I’d have the changing room to myself for ages, I had a proper shower for once, reliving my goal over and over – whacking that ball into the net had felt amazing, even though it was the stupidest mistake I’d ever made in hockey as well as my best-ever shot. Then I relived my skirt falling down, which was the absolute worst, most embarrassing moment of my entire life, (worse than getting stuck in a coin-slot loo on Cleethorpes prom when I was eight because I couldn’t work the lock and having to bang on the door and yell for Mum) – but as I soaped my hips and tum there seemed to be less of them… three pounds less. Less to hold my skirt up. Oh, my God! It suddenly felt almost worth it, and I suddenly felt a lot better.
Afterwards, wrapped in a towel, I sang Passenger to myself as I rinsed my pad under the cold tap, wrung it out and wrapped it in my sports bra to go in the wash, dried my sweat-chilled pants under the hand-drier, popped in a fresh pad from the period bag I had remembered to bring, and dabbed on some of the Clarity I’d remembered to put in it. So I was dry, dressed, hydrated, banana’d, (my appetite was back), kit packed, and finger-combing my hair in front of the mirror by the loos, (Raven had re-plaited it for me at break, like Fi used to, and it had stayed quite wiggly), when she burst in, rushed over, and gave me a warm damp hug.
‘Are you OK, Ellie? What happened? What did the Mel say – was it bad? I was so worried when you were sent off.’
‘No, she was really nice about it, I think she felt sorry for me. And I’m fine, actually, because-’ I broke off as Bree and Kat puffed in, dragging off their hoodies, closely followed by Libby and Caro. Oh, God. My face went redder than theirs, but before I could apologise Bree beat me to it, (she was always apologising for herself, as if she felt ashamed of taking too much space up).
‘Oh, Ellie, I’m so sorry I didn’t save that ball for you! I feel awful about it. But I didn’t expect you to hit it my way.’
‘Don’t you feel bad, though,’ said Kat. I liked Kat, who wanted to be a nurse but looked more like a farmer’s wife with her big mop of blonde curls, dreamy blue eyes, round pink cheeks, and lovely clear skin as if she worked out in the fresh air all day. She was mid-way between me and Bree size-wise, but not self-conscious because she was so beautiful, with a gorgeous, curvy, dimpled shape you just wanted to grab hold of and cuddle. (Lots of boys try, but Kat says she’s saving herself for True Love, preferably with a sexy, rich surgeon). And she’s thoughtful – always stands between us and the rest in the showers, then holds up a massive bath sheet for us to get dressed behind without being too obvious about it. ‘We never stood a chance, and they’d have trashed us a lot worse than 14-1 if Bree hadn’t saved so many.’ She giggled. ‘And if I hadn’t scored the one.’
Then a hailstorm of studs rattled down the corridor and they hurried off to shower as a loud, chattering stream began pouring in, clattering sticks onto the rack, and pulling off tops as they came.
‘Oh, look – it’s Ellie Own-Goal!’ Chard Jenkins planted herself in front of me, hands on hips, smirking nastily. ‘Why are you still here, Rosy Cheeks?’ She sniggered. ‘Yeah, that’s what we should call you from now on. Isn’t it, girls?’
I smiled sweetly back. I’d much rather show a hockey team my knickers than look as silly as she did this morning, and I was just about to tell her so when Raven stepped between us.
‘No, it isn’t.’ In her bra and pants, still pumped from running, she looked like Wonder Woman about to punch Chard through the wall. ‘And anyone who does will be sorry.’
‘Oh yeah?’ Chard turned on her. ‘Says who?’
‘Says the GSA anti-bullying policy.’ Raven smiled, not at all sweetly. ‘I can quote it for you if you like.’
Ooh. Squish. Then Libby chimed in. ‘Yeah, leave it out, Chard. Unless you want us to start calling you BB,’ (it stood for some combination of Big-Bouncy-Booby-Babe, depending on who you asked), ‘like Josh’s mates do.’
Chard went beetroot. We weren’t meant to know that. But now everyone in 10 BT or 10 RK, (the class we did Games with to make up the teams), knew if they hadn’t already, because they’d all stopped to stare in breathless silence waiting for someone to get hit, (and probably hoping it’d be Chard because she was so up herself, especially since she’d been going out with Josh).
For a horrible moment I thought Caro was going to do it, she looked so cross. Chard took a step back. No-one in their right mind would want to fight Caro. She’s the tallest in class, big with it – not fat, just muscly and fit because she’s seriously sporty – and has amazing dark red cropped hair that looks hennaed but isn’t, and never wears make-up, and always wears shorts for Games, and moans about her flat chest but secretly loves it because she doesn’t bounce even without a bra and thinks it’s hilarious being mistaken for her younger brother. So she makes a terrifying centre-forward on the GSA Team, and she’s well handy with the hockey stick she was still holding.
It was great to have my mates sticking up for me, but I didn’t want Caro or anyone else losing her temper and getting suspended. Images flashed though my head, Prince Hal inspiring his troops, sassy Bathsheba, Raven trilling like Batty, ‘Fake it till you make it, my dear,’ and next thing I knew I was climbing onto the nearest bench and going into full Public Speaking Mode and not caring how red I went.
‘No, call me Rosy Cheeks if you like, I think it’s pretty funny. And yeah, big deal, I forgot to change into my school pants because these are so comfy.’ I pulled my kilt up, stuck my bum out and flashed them. There were laughs and whistles from 10 RK, but 10 BT mainly boggled because this was so unlike me. ‘They’ve got press-studs and washable pads in, and Raven’s mum gave me them because I’m Having My Period.’ It felt great saying that because I knew half the room hadn’t started yet because we talked about who had and who hadn’t all the time, and it was like being in a young women’s club everyone wanted to join despite the pain and mess, and those who were in it felt smug and grown up, and those who weren’t felt left out and jealous. ‘And I’m really, really sorry I didn’t score my goal for B Team – but that was pretty funny too, wasn’t it?’
‘Yeah, but don’t apologise,’ said Caro. ‘It was a wicked shot, El. Great angle and power. Hit a few more like that and you’ll soon be on the team.’ She poked me gently with her stick. ‘As long as you learn to get ‘em in the right net.’
This time everybody laughed, but it was nice because they were laughing with me, not at me, and Raven whispered, ‘Well played!’ when I got down and I knew she wasn’t talking about hockey, and Chard punched my arm in a jokey way as if things were fine, no hard feelings.
‘You off home to change your fancy pants now, then?’ she asked casually.
‘Um- no. I’ve not been told to.’ I could’ve done, I had plenty of time. And I should’ve done really, I knew I was breaking the rules. And I certainly wished I had later, given how things turned out. But it was sort of with Mellie’s permission and besides, I didn’t want to miss lunch with Raven, so I just shrugged. ‘It’s not like they show.’ That was a dig, because one day in April which started out snowy and freezing turned sunny and boiling by lunchtime, so Chard took her jumper off in the canteen and everybody could see her bright purple lacy half-cup Wonderbra through her shirt, and a dinner lady reported her to the Prince, who hit Chard with a uniform de-merit and sent her home to change into a decent plain white one.
Anyway, we went off for lunch in the same place as yesterday, and Raven shared her huge wholemeal bap stuffed with egg mayonnaise and salad, and I shared my nectarines, then because I’d just had a big banana and about ten litres of water I was so full I could only watch while she ate apple rings and half a giant oatmeal-raisin cookie, (and saved the other half for me in case I got hungry by afternoon break).
Meanwhile, because I’d made Chard hate me even more than she had this morning, she went off and rang her mum, and Mrs Jenkins rang Batty to complain that it wasn’t fair letting me stay at school in the wrong pants when her daughter got sent home with a stiff note for an underwear infraction, and Batty told Mrs J that staff were allowed to exercise discretion in such matters but she’d get to the bottom of it (so to speak), and she had a word with the Mel, who explained about my paddy-pants and said they were perfectly respectable and looked almost uniform colour from a distance if anyone saw, which they wouldn’t when I had my kilt on, and Batty said good call, what a lot of silly fuss over nothing. Then she had words with Chard for trying to undermine a teacher and get a classmate in trouble at a sensitive time and coming to school in make-up (again) and stood over her in the staff loos while she cleaned every scrap off and told Chard if she ever wore it again, she’d be suspended. We found all that out at break from Lib, who’d been texting her mum under the desk since Chard missed afternoon registration, (Mrs Lyons is a teaching assistant and besties with Batty’s secretary, who’d watched the whole thing on the office security video), then came in half-way through French all pale and spotty and red piggy-eyed from crying and no mascara. It was a massive shock to everyone, (especially Josh, I was watching his face), because we never realised how much make-up she used, it was so well put on. I guess she learned from her big sister Portia, (I always thought she was called after the cars until we did Merchant of Venice in Lit), who was doing Hair & Beauty at college and used to practice on her.
‘I never thought my knickers could cause so much trouble,’ I said to Raven as we walked up Townsend Road sharing the half-cookie we hadn’t eaten at break because we were too busy huddled round Lib’s phone. ‘Poor Chard… I didn’t even get told off but look what happened to her! I feel really crap about it.’
‘That’s because you’re a nice person. You shouldn’t, though. You only made a mistake, she was deliberately nasty. First she tried to bully you and when that didn’t work, she grassed you and Ms Mellors up to the Prince – and all the time she’s breaking rules herself! So ha ha karma. Maybe she’ll learn something from it.’
(She did. At least, Portia did, she must’ve worked on her all night because Chard came in next day with her shoulder length blonde hair cut into an amazing asymmetrical bob, shaved up the back, with a long fringe that flopped over one eye and hid half her face, and strands dyed GSA maroon at the roots and bright yellow at the tips, and her thin eyebrows dyed dark blonde, and her stubby eyelashes dyed black, and peachy lip salve – allowed – and her skin squeaky clean apart from spot concealer – also allowed – full of how her mum was going to buy her a course of sunbed or a spray-tan to put some colour back in her face when she’d decided which she wanted. It was like giving Batty the finger because there were no colour rules about hair, only that it had to be tidy and tied back for practical subjects, and Chard’s face looked totally different, more like the rest of us but still made up in ways that wouldn’t wash off. I quite admired her for it, it seemed like something Bathsheba Everdene might do, but when I told Mum she tutted and said bending rules was a poor lesson to learn, and Mrs Jenkins should be ashamed of herself for encouraging it).
‘Mm. I suppose,’ I said. ‘Whatever, I can’t wait to tell Fi.’ And to show her the photo of Chard I sneaked on the way from French to German. They’d looked very alike, you see, except that Fi was smaller all round and had natural dark eyebrows and long thick lashes, and never wore make-up for school, and used to be class hottie before Chard’s chest and had been jealous about it ever since, so it’d be nice to have some news that might actually cheer her up.
That thought got me buzzing again: about French, where the Joob had been pleased with my Rs; and German, which was fun because Raven only spoke it about as well as we did, although her accent was perfect and she knew lots of rude words which she kept whispering when Frau Bulow wasn’t looking, trying to make me laugh; then EngLang with Baldy (hurrah!) after break, which was about adjectives, and we had to edit a passage where everything was ‘very’ or ‘really’, and chop them out if we thought there were too many and change the rest into something more original and apt. Danny Thomas whispered too loudly to Craig Sellars that they should change them all to ‘effing,’ except he said the full word and Baldy heard and told him that Germanic euphemisms for sexual intercourse were all very well in their place but his classroom wasn’t one of them, so please keep it clean, everyone.
Talking and giggling over that kept us busy till Idenowes Terrace and I was just about to head up the lane when Raven caught my arm.
‘No,’ she said, ‘wait here, I won’t be a sec.’ She went down the path at the side of No. 1 and disappeared into the back garden. I thought she must be checking the plants, so while I waited, I had a little nosey and spotted a name-plate, Arum Cottage, and that the lovely old tiles in the porch had a pattern of white arum lilies. So did the stained-glass panel in the front door, and the smaller squares across the top of the bay window. (I only knew because Mum has one in a pot in the MHOF with a care label stuck in it, so the name’s in your face whenever you go to the loo). Then Raven reappeared, minus her school bags, wearing a bright orange cycle helmet and a matching tabard over her blazer, and wheeling a pushbike with each hand. ‘I asked Mum to leave these for us to save time. You can ride one, can’t you?’
‘Um- yes,’ I said, although I hadn’t since we went to Centre Parcs for my twelfth birthday. She thrust one at me – pink, with chunky tyres like a trail bike and quite a few gears, but also a white wire basket over the front wheel with a bright pink-and-black helmet and tabard in it, and a metal rack covered in bungees over the back wheel for carrying stuff. ‘But I haven’t for ages… and I’m a bit scared of the traffic, to be honest.’ It wasn’t exactly honest. I was petrified.
‘Oh, don’t worry. I Googled the route, we don’t have to ride on main roads. Here, give us your bags.’ Raven propped her bike – exactly like mine, only orange – against the wall and bungeed my sports bag to her rack and my school bag to mine while I fumbled into the helmet and tabard. Then we waited for a gap between cars big enough for us to dash across the road and wheeled the bikes up onto the track where I’d seen the woman walking her baby and dog.
‘This is the Headland – it’s been here forever, it’s marked on the maps.’ Raven swung into her saddle and wobbled off over the ruts. I wobbled after, frightened of falling at first, but soon got my balance as the track flattened out and we speeded up and I dared to look around. We were riding between two open, brown, stubbly ploughed fields with a pooey smell and loads of birds pecking up and down, and no sound except the bikes rattling and me panting because a chilly breeze was blowing the traffic sounds away as well as making it hard going, so I was glad when we reached the top of the field and turned right into a lane sheltered by tall hedges on both sides.
‘Phew!’ I gasped. ‘I think I know where this comes out. I passed it this morning.’ Sure enough, a few minutes later the fields ended in another tall hedge and a footpath with gates opening into big back gardens with trees in, and we crunched through the tunnel of overhanging branches, (it wasn’t muddy after all, just thick with fallen leaves), and then we were out on the pavement exactly where I’d expected, with cars whizzing by on the main road.
Raven pointed across to a street I’d passed a million times. ‘If we go down there, we can sort of zigzag back through to the Trees. Do you know that way?’
I shook my head, feeling vaguely ashamed because it was only round the corner from home, but I’d never bothered exploring. At least by then I was feeling confident enough to follow her twenty metres along a cycle lane I’d never noticed before because I never cycled, then nip right through a gap in the traffic onto the side-street, then through a maze of passages and alleys and little streets I never knew existed, until we popped out near our corner. Cool! I’d try going to school that way tomorrow, it’d be better than the noisy stinky main road.
I took Raven round the back, propped the bikes on the shed with our helmets and tabards in the baskets, and opened the door to call, ‘Hi, Mum, we’re home!’ Instead, I gasped, ‘Wow!’ as a fantastic smell hit my face and I saw her, looking flushed in her yellow-and-white check cookery apron (the one I sweated and stabbed my fingers over in Year 6 Art & Craft, not the topless dancer in fishnets and tassels Dad bought her for Christmas last year). ‘Have you been baking?’
Mum’s Look said, ‘Act normal,’ as she pecked me on the cheek. ‘Mwah! Hello, darling. Yes, just a little snack to tide you over. And hello, Raven! Lovely to see you again.’
Raven was gawping; she hadn’t seen the kitchen last night. ‘Hi, Mrs Morton! Gosh, what fabulous tiles… Maman would love them.’
Then we said, ‘Ooh!’ together as we spotted the yellow drop-leaf table set with a tall glass of cheese straws, a dish with carrot, celery, and cucumber sticks arranged round a blob of creamy-brown dip, a plate of red and yellow baby tomatoes and cubes of cheese on cocktail sticks, and a jug of something that looked suspiciously like Mamalou’s flat lemonade, down to the ice and sliced lemon.
‘Thanks, Mum. This looks great,’ I said, while my eyes said, ‘What the heck?!’ and Raven took a cheese cube and said, ‘Mm! This tastes just like Grange Farm cheddar.’
Mum smiled. ‘It is. After everything Eloise told us last night about your lovely home, Raven, I couldn’t resist looking it up on Google Earth. And that jogged my memory about seeing a farm shop sign on Townsend Road, so I decided to nip round after work and check it out. My goodness, what a gem! I didn’t expect it to be so well stocked – and those free recipe cards are a marvellous idea. Mrs G’s Cheesy Straws sounded so yummy I couldn’t resist getting some of her Cheddar and having a go.’ She dipped one in the brown blob and bit off the end. ‘Mm-mm. I’m glad I couldn’t resist her sweet chili hummus, either.’
I did the same. Still warm, flaky, toasty cheese smelling… oh, my God. I crammed the rest in, grabbed another, and took bites between cherry tomatoes and cucumber sticks. Then I glugged a big glass of Mrs G’s Organic Lemon Cordial and was about to have a third Cheesy Straw when I remembered about losing three pounds, and let Mum and Raven demolish the rest while I munched celery and carrots and tried not to hog too much hummus.
‘Right then, you two,’ she said when we’d finished, ‘shoo! Go get on with your homework while I get on with dinner. It’ll be ready at six, make sure you are.’
We took a cup of Woman each – mine with honey and a drop of clary sage, Raven’s as-it-comes – up to my room and changed into the comfy slobs we’d worn last night. (Mamalou had packed Raven’s in the bike-basket for her). Then we sat cross-legged on the bed, facing each other, with my homework sheets in between, (hers were still in her bag, which she’d left at the cottage), just like Fi and I used to.
‘Tell you what,’ she said, ‘you start with français and I’ll start with Deutsch, then we can check each other’s answers.’
That seemed like a good idea, so we did, and it was nice to point out Raven’s mistakes for a change because she’d only learned German by talking to Germans, which meant she knew what sounded right but didn’t know the grammar, didn’t always recognise written words, and her spelling was pants. Then we made a start on Baldy’s exercise, two A4 sides (average 10 words per line, normal margins, no giant spaces) on What I Did This Summer, with ‘creative yet appropriate adjectives – ie no slang, no hyperbole, and positively no reallys or verys, or I’ll be extremely irate.’
‘Ugh,’ I said. ‘Here’s what I did. Cried with Fi about Canada. Helped her pack. Cried some more. Went to her leaving party. Cried myself to sleep. Waved her off next day. Cried myself nearly sick. Texted her. Moped around. Ate myself stupid. Cried with Fi on Facetime. Cried on my own afterwards. Oh, and went to Temple Newsam with the folks for a day, then cried again when we got home. How am I supposed to fill two sides with that?’
‘Add an enormous number of bitterlys and woefullys and miserablys,’ giggled Raven. ‘Better still, leave out the crying parts and go on about the party… what you wore for it, what it was like, who was there blah blah.’
I groaned. ‘I don’t want to write about that. I don’t even want to think about it.’
‘Just do Temple Newsam, then. The goddies took me there once when I was little – I mostly remember walking forever up a long path past masses of red and pink flowers to this huge house that killed my feet, so they had to piggy-back me round.’
Aha! I opened the souvenir drawer in my bedside cabinet, took out the guidebook lying on top because it was the last place we’d been, and showed her a picture of the Rhododendron Walk. I wished we could’ve seen it in full bloom, but the flowers had all gone by August. ‘You mean this?’
‘Oh, wow! Yes!’ She grabbed the book and began leafing through. ‘Yes, yes, I remember now… amazing place, isn’t it? We should go there in spring, I’d love to see those flowers again.’
‘Yeah, me too – and yeah, I will do the whole thing on Temple Newsam.’ I cheered up instantly. ‘Good idea, bestie.’
Raven grinned. ‘Think yourself lucky. We didn’t go anywhere or do anything except move up here and work round the place, which was fun in its way and kept me plenty busy, but it’s going to sound very – oops, I mean deeply – dull to anyone else.’
We both thought for a minute, then began on The Plan Baldy made us hand in with our homework to prove we’d tackled it properly. First, we brainstormed, jotting down themes and thinking up appropriately creative adjectives to go with them. Then while we were numbering and arranging our themes into paragraphs in ‘a coherent narrative order with a beginning, middle, and end,’ I heard Mum come upstairs to change for dinner and knew without looking that it was twenty to six, which meant Dad would be back any time.
Sure enough, a few minutes later we both heard the front door slam and a phoney American voice shout, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home.’
Raven giggled. ‘My dad said that sometimes. Is it from an old movie or something?’
‘I dunno.’ I only knew Dad would kick his shoes off, dump his briefcase in the hall, and thunder straight upstairs because he can’t stand wearing a suit and tie a second longer than he has to. I didn’t know he’d stop dead in their doorway and say loudly to Mum,
‘Whoa! What’s going-mph.’ She must’ve shut him up with a kiss and dragged him inside, because the door clicked quietly shut and the wall began murmuring, too low to make out the words, but I guessed she was warning him we had company and to be on his best behaviour. Then I heard Dad go for his usual what-passes-for-a-shower, (kneeling in the avocado with the pink rubber hose and the taps turned on as hard as they’ll go without popping the nozzles off, ie not very), and Mum go back downstairs.
‘We might as well pack up,’ I said to Raven. ‘Dinner’s nearly ready, and afterwards we’re allowed not to do homework. Unless you really want to,’ I added, hoping she wouldn’t.
‘Fine by me. May I borrow a page holder? I’ll give it back tomorrow.’
‘Sure.’ I passed her one off my desk and piled my stuff onto it while Raven wrote a few last lines, slid her Plan into the plastic sleeve, and tucked it into the bag with her uniform. ‘There! Ready when you are- oh, except I need to wash my hands.’
‘Yeah, me too. But we’ll have to wait until Dad’s done, unless you want to use the kitchen-’ I broke off as I heard the bathroom door open, (the spray’s so pathetic, if you don’t hurry you freeze), bare feet thud along the landing, and their bedroom door close. ‘OK, come on.’
We took turns having a pee and washing our hands and giggling over the tiles which Raven thought were interestingly horrible, and that the loo seat was so funky she actually knelt down for a closer look. Then as we were heading for the kitchen, where Fi and I usually ate so we could chatter while the folks ate off trays in the living room so they could watch the news in peace, Mum bustled out carrying two steaming plates and looking unusually pretty in her old-but-smart brown leggings and a greeny-brown tweedy tunic I didn’t recognise, instead of old trackie bottoms and Dad’s sweater that shrank in the wash.
Before I could blurt anything, she widened her eyes and nodded sideways. I body-swerved into the living room and goldfished for a split-second. The dining table was out, set with Mum’s ‘special occasions’ dinner service, (the matching stuff, not our usual odd plates and bowls), and her best crystal vase full of flowers from our garden in the middle, and a bowl of baby leaf salad, and a glass dish of parmesan cheese, and a basket of bread rolls, and the posh salt and pepper grinders, and wedding-present wineglasses, and a jug of iced water, and real napkins instead of the squares of kitchen roll we normally use. The vintage orange lava lamp, (another wedding present I’d love to have in my room if they’d let me), was blooping away in the fake fireplace, and there were two tall, honey-coloured candles in crystal candlesticks glowing on the table, and a big fat one that smelt of Clarity in a saucer on the bar next to Dad, who was wearing cords and a decent jumper instead of the manky old tracksuit he usually slops round in, propped on one elbow shovelling hummus in with a Cheesy Straw.
I nearly burst out crying. I couldn’t believe Mum had gone to so much trouble – or spent so much on luxuries like candles and wine and new tops. Not that we’re exactly poor; it’s just that she always said when she had a baby she wanted to mother it full-time until it started school, then I happened unexpectedly and she had to give up a well-paid job as PA to a big local businessman much sooner than they’d planned, and by the time she was ready to go back to work IT had changed so much she couldn’t compete with people half her age and cheaper to employ, so all three of us had to live on Dad’s salary and commission, (which often wasn’t much because he’s very good at insuring but not so good at selling), until Mum did a night school computer course and signed on with an agency and started doing her crap minimum-wage temping jobs. So they’ve always had to be ultra-careful with money, which is why we were staycationing years before it was a Thing, and always save up instead of paying on plastic, and they’ve been quietly cutting back for months so they can afford to send me on the Joob’s annual Year 10 trip to Paris at Easter – so it made a nice change to see Mum splash out on herself a bit.
Swallowing a big lump, I tried to be cool. ‘Hi, Dad,’ I said, giving him a quick hug as I squeezed past to my usual place.
Raven wasn’t cool at all. ‘Hi, Mr Morton! Gosh, this looks fantastic.’ She took the chair opposite mine, spread her napkin on her lap and gawped around. ‘Just like a retro restaurant.’
‘Here you go, girls!’ Mum followed with our plates. ‘Help yourselves to salad and dig in, don’t wait for us. Can you sort the drinks, love?’ she added over her shoulder, bustling out again. ‘I’ll be back with ours in a tick.’
‘No problemo.’ Grinning, Dad picked up a bottle. ‘Wine and water for you two, isn’t it?’
I nodded dumbly, staring at my polite helping of flat greenish noodles, not spaghetti, which was fine – but they were covered in a sauce, which apart from being darker red looked exactly like Mum’s standard Bol with onions and mushrooms and minced beef. Oh God… she’d forgotten Raven might be veggie. Like I’d forgotten to check and let her know…
Raven looked down and sniffed as Mum finally flopped into her chair and picked up her glass with a sigh of relief. ‘Oh,’ she said, raising her eyebrows. Oh God, I thought. ‘Is this what I think it is?’
Mum smiled. ‘Yes, if you think it’s Mrs G’s Fresh Garlic and Herb Tagliatelle with Red Wine and Walnut Sauce. I got chatting to the lovely young assistant – Bet, is that her name? She had the most angelic little boy with her, dead to the world in his stroller.’
‘Yes, that’d be Betony Granger. And Lonsdale. Good job he was asleep.’ Raven grinned. ‘He’s not so angelic awake.’
‘Mm, yes, he’s at a lively age… anyway, I happened to mention how I came to be there, and I wasn’t sure what to cook that you’d like, and Betony said this was one of your favourites and very kindly picked out all the ingredients and gave me the recipe card. She even minced me some fresh walnuts and got a jar of home-made passata out of the back. I’d never used it before… fresh tomatoes make a world of difference to the flavour, don’t they?’
Oh, thank God! I tasted it. Wow. ‘Mm-mm.’
‘Mm… and you say it’s walnut?’ Dad ladled on parmesan cheese and took another huge bite. ‘Wow. Unbelievable. It tastes really meaty.’
‘Yes, and something else unbelievable is that it didn’t cost a penny,’ laughed Mum. ‘No, tell a lie. It cost about six quid in change, I emptied my purse into their charity box. And this tunic was in the rag basket because of a tiny rip near the hem I could mend in ten minutes.’ She stroked it lovingly. ‘You can barely tell now. Then when I tried to pay for the food and wine and candles, she said any friend of Lou’s was a friend of Grange Farm, and if we were entertaining Raven, no way was she taking my money!’
Raven giggled. ‘Well, it’s probably our home-grown veg, so it’d be mad if you had to pay to feed me it! And Mum’ll be pleased you got some of her candles after all – she told me to put a Clarity in Ellie’s bag last night, but I was in such a rush I forgot.’
‘Your mum makes these? Whew,’ Dad whistled, making the one nearest flicker, ‘Lou’s a woman of many parts.’
Mum just looked relieved and said, ‘Well, I feel much better now – less as if I’d name-dropped on purpose to try and blag a freebie! Mind you, it’d still have been cheaper than the supermarket if I had paid. I couldn’t believe their prices.’
‘Mm.’ Raven nodded with her mouth full. (I’d watched how she ate before I started and the folks must have too, because we were all copying her, twirling a noodle or two into neat bundles round our forks and popping them in without dripping, whereas we’d normally eat Spag Bol in front of the telly with paper towels on our chests, forking up big messy knots and sucking loose ends in and flicking sauce everywhere, and whoever’s paper towel is cleanest at the end has to do the washing up. It’s a lot more fun, to be honest). Luckily, before I blew our cover by blurting that out, she swallowed and went on, ‘No food miles or plastic packaging. And Mum doesn’t charge Grange for our stuff, obviously. And candles are easy, Godma taught us – she used to make them for fun with spare beeswax, then got seriously into it and bought all the professional kit so she could supply the shop too.’
‘Well, I was soimpressed I’m going to do my weekly shop there from now on,’ said Mum, ‘and when I said as much to Betony, she gave me a Friends & Family loyalty card for 25% off! I can get practically everything we need – not our usual brands-’
‘Do they sell peanut butter?’ Dad butted in, looking alarmed.
‘Yes, dear. Crunchy or smooth, hundred per cent whole nuts, no sugar or salt, you’ll get used to it. And they have gorgeous preserves and bread and deli.’ She shot me a cautious glance. ‘What they don’t sell is frozen pizzas or HobNobs or Pop-Tarts or Pringles.’
Brilliant, I thought, no temptation, no awkward explanations! I managed a casual shrug. ‘Yeah, go for it, it’s a great idea.’
Kerching! The till in Mum’s eyes knocked another tenner off the shopping bill. Then she exchanged Looks with Dad that said, ‘I can’t believe she’s not whining,’ like I usually did if she forgot one of my weekly junk fixes, then they started to smile, and I could tell they were doing the sums and realising they didn’t have to worry so much now about Christmas and my birthday and the Joob’s trip next year.
‘Cool!’ said Raven. ‘And you don’t even need to go shopping yourself, Mrs Morton. If you text a list, we could pick the stuff up and bring it over after school. Couldn’t we, Ellie?’
I shrugged again. ‘Sure.’ I didn’t much want to lug shopping as well as school bags home, but it would sound too mean to say so and anyway, it was no big deal if I could carry them on Raven’s bike.
‘Well!’ Mum sounded pleased – and surprised. ‘I may take you up on that if I run out of the odd thing. But I’ll do my own big shops for the moment, thanks… I suspect lots of people will be getting Wise Woman teas and toiletries for Christmas this year. Or scented candles. Or a beautiful Jess Weaver scarf.’ She winked at me. ‘I wouldn’t mind finding one of those in my stocking if anyone’s stuck for ideas.’
‘What colours? I’ll ask Jess to make you whatever you like. I see her most days, she only lives at Bluebell Cottage. You know,’ Raven turned to me, ‘Number 2, next to yours- your favourite, I mean. Arum. At the end of the Terrace.’ I blinked. I didn’t remember telling her that, but before I could say so she turned back to Mum. ‘I can easily pop an order through the door if I don’t bump into her.’
‘Ooh, lovely! Thanks, Raven, I’ll get back to you when I’ve had a think.’ Mum smiled. ‘How funny that someone called Weaver should actually be one.’
Raven smiled back. ‘Yes, that’s what Jess thought! She took it up for a laugh when she married Freddie – he doesn’t weave though, he’s the Grange stockman – and got so good she went professional. She teaches it as well.’
‘Goodness, what a multi-talented bunch you all sound! It must be nice to make a living through your hobbies. I wish I could,’ sighed Mum, then kind of shook herself. ‘Alright, anyone for seconds? Just make sure you leave room for pud – it’s your favourite, Eloise, and the good news is that Grange Farm do sell ice-cream.’
‘Oh, wow!’ I bounced in my chair, I couldn’t wait to see Raven’s face when she tried it. ‘I’ll just finish the salad, then. Unless anyone else wants some?’
No-one did, so I scraped the last few leaves onto my plate and mopped up with bread while Dad and Raven ate more pasta and Mum disappeared into the kitchen. When she came back, she was carrying a tray with four bowls of her own invention, Toffee Apple Surprise. (The surprise is that it’s not Apple Crumble, because after she’d prepared the fruit she found she hadn’t enough flour for the topping or time to nip out to the shop, so she just layered the slices with brown sugar and cinnamon and knobs of butter and baked it until it went crispy-sweet on top and soft caramel-sweet underneath, and we all loved it so much she’s never bothered making crumble since). We usually had it with tinned custard or yoghurt or best of all, ice-cream if I’d left any in the freezer, and this was topped with two scoops, pink and gold, artistically drizzled with honey.
‘I nearly went for the Elderflower and Elderberry Sorbets,’ said Mum, ‘then I thought ice-cream would go better, so I got Clotted Rose and Honey Ginger instead. What do you think?’
I rolled a pink spoonful round my tongue, tasting crystallised petals and cream from cows fed on red roses. Mm. The other tasted like summer, spiked with sweet hot shreds of stem ginger. Mm-mm. Then I tried both together and in every combination with the apple, and even when I’d scraped the bowl clean, I still couldn’t decide which went best.
‘Anyone for seconds?’ asked Mum when we’d done. ‘There’s plenty left. Raven?’
‘No thanks, Mrs Morton. I’m as full as- as a pregnant cow.’ She glanced slyly at me, and I giggled, and that set her off, so then we had to explain what we were laughing about, and next thing I blurted, ‘Oh, and you’ll never guess what else embarrassing happened,’ and somehow found myself telling the story of my pants, and Raven joined in to play Mellie and the other girls, and we had Mum and Dad practically wetting themselves, and it was like being a stand-up comic, which made it nice to be laughed at and not embarrassing at all. They stopped laughing when we told them about Chard, though.
‘Bravo!’ said Dad. ‘I think you all handled that very well. Thanks for standing up for Eloise, Raven – and well done for speaking up for yourself, love, instead of hiding behind your friends.’
‘Yes, well done. I’m afraid Chardonnay got what she deserved.’ Mum frowned. ‘God knows what her mother’s thinking of, letting her plaster herself in make-up for school! I can see that young lady coming to a sticky end if she’s not very careful.
‘Anyway, let’s make sure this never happens again. I’ve got some tiny press-studs in my workbox, I’ll sew some in your sports pants like Miss Mellors said and put them in your bag with your kit when it’s washed.’
‘Good idea! And well done you too, for a beautiful dinner.’ Dad gathered the plates and dropped a kiss on Mum’s hair as he passed. ‘I’ll put the kettle on, shall I?’
Raven followed him out with the breadbasket and salad bowl, and while I collected glasses Mum hissed anxiously, ‘Was that OK? Did it come up to Lou’s standards?’
‘Oh, yes. It was about the best meal you’ve ever cooked, Mum. No, sit,’ I pressed her down, ’we’ll clear up, you’ve done enough.’
I made three Women for us girls and Dad’s regular brew, and when we were sitting down again, Mum produced the box of marrons glacées from where she’d hidden it behind the bar and let us all have two each.
Afterwards, Raven said politely, ‘Thanks very much for a wonderful meal, Mrs Morton, it was so kind of you to make my favourite things.’ She raised an eyebrow at me. ‘Faisons la vaisselle?’
Aha. Chance to show off. ‘Oui, d’accord,’ I replied, and we giggled into the kitchen with the mugs, (luckily Mum hadn’t insisted we use the best cups and saucers) and washed up in French again. Then we left the folks to it and went to hang out in my room. Raven went round looking at my walls, and admiring the poster of Ross Poldark with his shirt off (which Mum also likes) – she hadn’t seen the TV series but she’d read all the books, which I hadn’t, and asking ‘Getting to Know You’ questions about my favourite bands and actors and where this or that photo was taken, but that was fine because we were still getting to know each other even though in some ways it felt like we’d been friends forever; and we were sitting on the bed chatting and listening to Goldenvoice and totally losing track of time, just like me and Fi used to,until Dad shouted upstairs,
‘Oi, you two! Quarter to curfew!’
‘Oh, poo,’ Raven grabbed her bag, ‘sounds like I’m being kicked out! Do you want to ride the other bike round tomorrow? We couldcycle to school then if you like. There are chains in the saddlebags, we can lock them in the bike-sheds.’
‘Um-’ I thought of the Townsend Road traffic. ‘No, thanks. I mean, yes, I’ll ride over, but I’d rather walk from the Terrace,’ I said as we went downstairs and met Dad, putting on his jacket in the hall.
‘You coming along for the ride, love? You’ll need your coat, it’s getting chilly.’
‘No, Dad. Raven doesn’t need a lift. She’s on her pushbike.’ In all the excitement of dinner I’d forgotten to mention it. ‘We cycled home from Idenowes Terrace today, her mum left the bikes there for us to pick up.’
Dad’s eyebrows shot into his hair. ‘You cycled? On the roads? Good God.’
I went bright red. ‘Not much. We mostly cut across the fields, then through those little ginnels,’ I waved vaguely in the direction, ‘and came out near the top of our road. It was fun, I’m going to ride back that way in the morning.’
‘Oh. Well, I sincerely hope you don’t plan on riding through back alleys or farmland tonight, Raven,’ said Dad. ‘In fact, I’m not happy about a fourteen-year-old girl cycling alone in the dark, period. No, let me drive you. Your bike can go in the back.’
Raven shook her head. ‘There’s no need, Mr Morton, honestly.’ She put her blazer and school shoes on and tucked her leggings into her socks. ‘Mum’s fine with it – I’ve got good lights and high-vis, and I promised to stay on the main roads. Besides,’ she grinned cheekily, ‘I’m fifteen in ten days. And I know how to look after myself.’
‘I’m sure you do.’ Mum got in on the act. ‘And what’s fine with Lou is fine with us. Isn’t it, Dave?’ She gave Dad a warning Look. ‘As long as you text her when you leave, and text Eloise the minute you’re home safe indoors. You might be sensible, Raven, but there are lots of mad drivers out there and accidents do happen. Um,’ she started gabbling, ‘so, where are these bikes, then? In the back garden? Unlocked? Good heavens, I hope nobody’s sneaked round and pinched them! Why didn’t you say something, Eloise? We could’ve brought them inside.’ She hurried into the kitchen. We followed and all saw in the light from the door she’d flung open that nobody had. ‘Oh, thank goodness! Still here.’
Phew. No drama, then. For a horrible moment I’d thought we were going to have a Scene, us against the folks – good job Mum was too scared of offending Mamalou!
Raven took an orange tube from the saddlebag of the orange bike, unrolled it into a fluorescent orange kagoule with luminous stripes, slipped it over her blazer, tucked her hair in the back of her collar, and put her helmet on.
‘Ta-da!’ Her outstretched arms glared in the kitchen light as she twirled. ‘See? I’m just a cyclist now, not a schoolgirl.’ Taking her phone from her bag, she texted aloud, ‘Leaving E’s now, ETA 2100.’ Then she popped it back in, wrapped the bag in the orange tabard, popped that back in her basket, and flicked on her lights and helmet-torch. The beams were so strong we could easily see to file after her to the front gate, which she propped open with her bike. ‘Thank you all very much for a wonderful evening. I had a lovely time, and I’m looking forward to seeing you again at the weekend.’ She gave us each a quick hug. ‘Goodnight, now!’
‘Goodnight,’ we chorused as she thrust off across the road, stood on the pedals to get up speed, then coasted on down to the junction. We watched, like Dad or I had always watched Fi, as her bright stripy arm signalled left then gave a thumbs-up just before she disappeared round the corner, as if she knew we were still here – our cue to disappear inside because it was more than just chilly, it was freezing.
‘Brr!’ Mum rubbed her arms as Dad and I manoeuvred the pink bike into the breakfast nook. ‘What an extraordinary girl… still, she’s hardly lived an ordinary life, has she? Honestly, I could’ve bitten my tongue off for saying that about mad drivers and accidents, I do hope she didn’t think I was having a poke at her dad. Ah well,’ she sighed, ‘no point worrying about that now… let’s go get your hair done, love, then we can all relax.’
We didn’t normally wash my hair two days running. But I didn’t normally run myself sweaty two days running either, and Mum always washed it on Games night because I couldn’t do it properly at school; and afterwards, while she was combing it out, Dad picked up the thread.
‘Yeah, it’s easy to forget Raven’s only fourteen- oops, nearly fifteen – when you think some teenagers can barely look a stranger in the eye, let alone make dinner party conversation! I certainly couldn’t at her age.’ He grinned. ‘Mind you, she doesn’t have to worry about her voice breaking. And I guess she’s had more practice than most.’
‘Yes, life’s certainly made her very mature,’ said Mum, ‘and sophisticated, albeit in a nice way. It was lovely to hear you two chattering away in French, Eloise. You and Fi never did that.’
No, because Fi didn’t much like French. Or German. Or any subjects except Art, and English because she fancied Baldy, and although she was clever enough for uni, she couldn’t wait to leave school at eighteen to become a lifestyle influencer, or a fashion buyer, or a personal shopper for busy rich people. The Prince would’ve gone batty (ha, ha) if she’d known. The thoughts flashed through my head as Mum went on, ‘And what on earth were you talking about that was so hilarious – or is it a state secret?’
‘No,’ I giggled, ‘we were just practicing what we did last night. Look, I’m washing a plate, what are you doing? I’m drying a glass and putting it away, sort of thing. And Raven holding stuff up saying, “This is a fork,” and me saying, “No, that’s not a fork, it’s a dishcloth,” or whatever. It was so silly I couldn’t stop laughing.’
‘Well, it’s good to hear you enthused about school for a change – and planning to work on your project this weekend instead of hanging round town with Fiona,’ said Dad.
‘Yes,’ said Mum. ‘Fond though we are of Fi, we didn’t always think she was a good influence… she did tend to overshadow you, Eloise, and you always seemed to end up doing what she wanted.’
I was about to say, ‘That’s not true!’ Sometimes we went swimming with Caro and her brothers if I felt slim enough for my cozzie and Fi hadn’t got a new hairdo she didn’t want to get wet, or to the pictures if there was a movie we both wanted to see, or to the park with Jamie to give Mrs McD a break and mess about with him on the swings or scope for fit lads while he did stunts on his skateboard, which was fun and about the only time he wasn’t a pain, or to hang out at Libby’s on Sundays because her folks go to the pub after lunch and we have the house to ourselves for a couple of hours. But it’s true that Fi and her mum love to shop, it’s their favourite hobby even when they don’t buy anything, and I always tagged along on their monthly treat to some big mall while Mr McD took Jamie roller-blading, and their annual pre-Christmas trip to what Dad calls Meadowhell, and round the sales where Fi always found something fantastic for a fiver because it was in the kids’ department or one of the extra-small sizes left after all the medium-to-large girls have picked through, and how often we’d drift into Wakefield at weekends, (to be fair, most of GSA does the same because there isn’t much else to do unless you’re sporty or rich – we were forever meeting up with people from school sniffing testers in Lush or giggling over cheeky birthday cards or trying on shoes or whatever). Sometimes I got bored and left them to it and went to look at books in Waterstones, or poke about in the charity and vintage shops, or say hello to the Savile owl in the Cathedral; but that was fine, and if we met up later somewhere like Costa or Cooplands, Fi almost always paid because her allowance was much more than my pocket-money and she’s very generous. So I just muttered, ‘Um, well, it’s not like I really wanted to do anything else,’ although that wasn’t totally honest – sometimes I’d rather have been doing my maths homework than hanging round changing rooms watching Fi wriggle in and out of tiny clothes, or hunting through the racks for something I could bear to try on myself that wasn’t XS or XL.
‘Maybe not,’ said Dad, ‘but when you did want to do something, Fi hardly ever fell in with it.’ Hm. He had a point. She’d come along for an art exhibition, or a pretty country walk if it was fine, but she wasn’t into cathedrals or stately homes or museums unless they had a really great shop and café, and often couldn’t make it on the day because she’d been grounded for cheeking her dad, or had to Jamie-sit for her mum, or go and visit her poorly gran.
‘Yes, think of all the times you were looking forward to her coming somewhere and she cried off at the last minute,’ said Mum. ‘I thought her excuses were a bit too convenient sometimes, but I could hardly say so, or quiz the McDonalds about it – and quite frankly, after last November I’m glad we never took her out again.’
Hm. She had a point, too. Our Year 9 autumn Lit book had been Wuthering Heights which I loved because it was spooky and weird and totally not the sort of thing you expect a vicar’s daughter who’d never had a boyfriend to write, and finished it in the first week, reading big chunks every night before bed. And our term history project had to be on some place linked with some famous historical figure, eg Whitby and Captain Cook – ‘Don’t everyone pick that,’ Ms Dunne had said, ‘think for yourselves,’ so I decided to do Haworth and Emily Bronte, and because it was useful for school Mum and Dad took me and Fi to visit the parsonage at the top of the hill where she and her sisters and brother had lived, with the moors behind I was desperate to see because they inspired her to re-write herself as Cathy and give herself Heathcliff, the only hero interesting enough for someone as wild and free and strange as her to fall in love with, and who didn’t become a villain until he overheard something he shouldn’t have and went a bit mad.
I’d imagined hush, the odd visitor tiptoeing through, soaking up the atmos, trying to hear the rustle of ghostly skirts or sense a Presence, not a long, shuffling crowd buzzing with oohs and ahs in different languages that didn’t thin out until we got upstairs and had more room to spread. Still, I was in my element. This was the Brontes’ actual stuff! The actual table Emily wrote at and walked round in the evenings with Charlotte and Anne, reading their stories aloud to each other! I wanted to linger over everything, read every label, but Fi raced through the displays to the gift shop then kept going in and out, fidgeting beside me for a minute then disappearing again until we gave up and met her by the exit and went to have a look round the churchyard next door, and I spotted an old-fashioned signpost pointing to Top Withins, the house Emily’s supposed to have based Wuthering Heights on, and got all excited and jumped up and down and begged to go. The folks laughed, and Mum started singing in a high witchy voice about wily, windy moors, and Dad said ‘OK, we’ll at least make a start,’ and Fi didn’t say, ‘No, I don’t want to,’ but she got a Face on and dawdled and limped and moaned about her shoe rubbing and the cold and her lips getting chapped until Mum snapped and took her down to the High Street to buy lip-balm and Christmas presents and meet us in two hours at the Black Bull or nearest pub if it was full, while Dad and I marched off, following the arrow. Unfortunately, by the time we reached the next signpost our lips were chapped too, and the wind had frozen our faces and given me earache because I hadn’t brought my woolly hat, and we still had miles to go and Dad said it was madness when we weren’t dressed for the weather, and had no map, and if we got lost the car keys were in his pocket so Mum and Fi would be stuck waiting for ages with their shopping until we got found again, which was bound to end in tears; so we turned back and spent an hour taking photos round the church and looking at gravestones of all the people who’d died even younger than Emily Bronte, then managed to get a table at the Black Bull (hurrah!) and thaw out over a cuppa. I felt sad and sort of creepy thinking about Emily’s brother Branwell drinking here a few days before he died, until Fi burst in looking cute in a mad red knitted pixie hat with earflaps and a tassel on top, (followed by Mum, looking stressed), plonked a load of carrier bags on the table, pulled out another pixie hat like hers only blue, and plonked it on my head, which broke the mood completely.
‘Not that I mind a spot of retail therapy,’ Mum went on, ‘and Haworth did look gorgeous all trimmed up for Christmas, I just felt like slapping Fi for being so maungey. But then she made a beeline for the wool shop and next she’s presenting me with that beautiful shawl she’d seen in the window as we passed looking for the car-park, and been desperate to get back and buy before someone else did because it matched my coat so well and she wanted me to have it as a thank-you… so then of course I felt guilty and rotten for being sharp with her, and mortified that she spent so much money on us.’
Yes, she’d bought Dad a hip-flask and me a fake red leather-bound Wuthering Heights with fancy gold lettering and a picture at the start of each chapter done by one of the Brontes, and a matching Jane Eyre and Agnes Grey she hid in her bag to give me for Christmas and my birthday, and gifts for her folks she showed me on the way back all excited while mine sat uncomfortably quiet in the front, and it all felt very awkward and for once I was glad when we dropped her off home. (I couldn’t imagine anything like that happening with Raven. She’d probably have sprinted to town and back to buy us an OS map, then suggested we jog to Top Withins to keep warm).
Dad must’ve been thinking the same because he said, ‘I bet Raven would be game for that hike. Tell you what – let’s do it together, properly! Plan the route. Pack the flask and Kendal Mint Cake. Tog ourselves up for the cold. Get to Haworth early doors, bracing walk to Top Withins and back, then into town for a hearty Full English.’ He winked at me. ‘Veggie sausage for your mate. What do you say?’
‘Oh wow!’ I bounced on my cushion. ‘Thanks, Dad, I’d love to! I’ll ask Raven tomorrow, she’ll be well up for it.’
‘Yes, and I’ll gladly go again with someone who’ll appreciate it,’ said Mum. ‘I think it’s marvellous that Raven’s keen on history too, and she certainly brings out the best in you, Eloise. I mean, you’ve only known her two days and you’re like a different girl! No,’ she corrected, ‘not different. More yourself. As if you’ve suddenly flicked on a switch and come alive.’
‘Yeah,’ chuckled Dad, ‘Eloise Extra! I’ve noticed too, believe it or not, and I don’t know how much of this new improved version’s down to Raven or whether you’re just growing up, love. Either way, I like it.’
‘So do I,’ said Mum. ‘Last term if your skirt had dropped off like that, you’d have come crying home at lunchtime and not wanted to go back in the afternoon, but now you take it on the chin and turn it into a comedy routine! Yes, good for you, sweetheart – you and Raven should go on the stage.’ She kissed my head and gave my plait a flip. ‘Now get yourself off to bed and leave us oldies to veg out.’
Glowing happily, I kissed them goodnight, then as I was closing the door, Mum said, ‘Aw, bless her! We’re lucky Eloise is such a good girl, aren’t we? Not like that spiteful little Jenkins tart,’ so I left a tiny crack open and pressed my ear to it, hoping to suck in more praise. ‘And I never expected to hear myself saying this, Dave, but I’m glad now that Fi’s gone. I think she held our Ellie back.’
I froze, holding my breath.
‘Mm… looks that way,’ replied Dad. ‘Whereas Raven pushes her forward. Or steps back herself. Whatever, she doesn’t hog the limelight, which is amazing when you think what a spoilt showbiz brat she might have been.’
‘Yes, if anything, Fiona’s the spoilt one. But Raven seems very down-to-earth, and she’s got lovely grown-up manners.’ Mum laughed. ‘God knows what they’ll make of each other if they meet up at Christmas… somehow I can’t imagine Fi taking to her.’
Dad snorted. ‘No, too much competition! No, second thoughts, there’s no competition. Raven’s so sure of herself she makes Fi look like a kid. Still, maybe that’s what comes of knowing your mum’s so loaded you’ll never want for anything or have a moment’s money worry in your life.’ He sighed. ‘I wish we could give our girl the same.’
‘Oh, come on, love. We don’t do too badly, and we’ll do better now I’ll be paying so much less for the shopping. I could save even more if I stop buying meat for a while. I fancy trying some more Mrs G veggie recipes, I’m bored cooking the same old things week in, week out.’
‘Suits me. That was a cracking meal tonight – I didn’t miss the mince, and it makes things simpler if Eloise wants to bring Raven home for tea, doesn’t it? Besides, if I’m desperate to sink my teeth into flesh, I can always grab a bacon buttie in town… or just wait till I get home.’
Mum squealed and giggled. I guessed Dad was nibbling her ear or something, and crept upstairs on wobbly knees, feeling sick. I had no idea the folks felt that way, I’d never heard them say a word against Fi before. As if they didn’t particularly like her. As if they might not be exactly over the moon about her moving in with us in three hundred-and-however-many days. As if they might actually say- Oh, my God. I sneaked into my room and collapsed on the bed. Who was I trying to kid? I didn’t need to ask, I could feel their NO solid and cold in the pit of my stomach. And I didn’t know how I’d dare tell Fi. I just knew I couldn’t text her tonight after this, I hadn’t a clue what to say, and I wished I hadn’t now but ha ha karma, serve me right for eavesdropping. And I knew I wouldn’t sleep with a washing-machine head, so to distract it I finished off my Lang homework, which was easy because the day had happened in a coherent narrative order, (we came, we saw, we went), I just had to stick in a paragraph on Temple Newsam history re-worded from the guidebook in case Baldy checked and marked me down for copying, then scribbled in Dear Diary, then rubbed hair-gel into my plait – I’d asked Mum to make it tighter tonight, hoping it’d be even wigglier tomorrow – then did my MHOF stuff, then snuggled into bed.
Before I switched the lamp off, I looked round my room. Mum refused even to open the door when Fi stayed over – not that she could’ve come in if she’d wanted, the not-very-big bit of floor not covered by the camp-bed used to be covered in clothes, (Fi’s, mine, new ones if we’d been shopping), ditto shoes, empty mugs, sweet wrappers, toiletries etc; we’d just dive in and scramble around on the beds because there was nowhere to walk. Plus all the cupboards and drawers and shelves were practically bursting with my stuff, there was no room for hers (and she had tons). Plus Dad always moaned about us using up all the hot water on Saturdays, no way would he want that every night of the week…
NOPE! Suddenly the Great Plan we’d been obsessing over popped like a bubble. It might be a laugh for a weekend, but I couldn’t share this little space with Fi forever… and, let’s face it, I didn’t want to. Kinell. I turned the light out and buried my head. I couldn’t tell her, she’d go mental. But I couldn’t just leave it until she turned up with her bags. When, then? Telling her before Christmas might spoil it for her. Telling her while she’s here, (my tum clenched at the thought), would spoil it, for everyone. And telling her after, when she’s safely back in Montreal, would definitely spoil it for me – I’m a rubbish actress, she’s bound to ask what’s wrong, and I’m a rubbish liar, too. Then again, she’s got new friends now… if I wait, try and stay off the subject, she might change her mind and decide to stay, and I won’t need to say anything at all! That’d be favourite. But what if she doesn’t? What if she starts going on and on again on Sunday? What should I do? What would Raven do? ‘Oh, Maidenhowe Lady,’ I whispered, ‘please help…’
Inside my head, Raven giggled. ‘Tell Fi ASAP it’s a stupid idea and it’s not going to happen. She’s got three months to get over it and if she can’t, tough, that’s her problem. Don’t let her make it yours.’ Hmm. Good point, bestie. I calmed down after that, and my brain stopped going round in circles and started thinking about Top Withins instead, and Emily Bronte and Heathcliff and Cathy, and somehow they all rolled into one with Raven, I bet she’s readit, and a picture filled my head of us running hand-in-hand over the moors, me in a long dress and sausage ringlets, her in breeches and boots, and I knew from now on it’d be her face I saw whenever I read Wuthering Heights; Raven who was wild and free and strange too, and had her own wuthering height in her back garden, with a Lady who perhaps slumbered unquietly in its quiet earth; Raven who’d rub out the memory of our last weird trip with Fi and replace it with something shiny and new of her own. And I fell asleep, smiling into my pillow.
Chapter 6: Third Wish
Next morning, I set off on Pinkie feeling warm and sunshiny inside despite the cold grey weather. My bladder had woken me at sixand when I emptied and weighed myself, I found I’d lost another three pounds – which made six altogether – in two days! It scared me until I remembered the same thing can happen to Mum at this time of the month, (it wasn’t any longer for me, I didn’t think, but kept a pad in my pants just in case). Then I treated myself to tea and toast in bed with Madding; and when I heard their alarm go, I thought I might as well treat the folks too. I called, ‘Breakfast in five,’ as I passed to cut off the daily argument; and while they were slurping and munching, I perched on the edge of the bed, took a deep breath, and plunged in.
‘Um- you know how Fi’s still really miz in Montreal-’
‘Still?’ Dad snorted into his coffee. ‘Good grief! She’s hardly been there five minutes.’
‘Mm,’ agreed Mum through her muesli. ‘Silly girl! She’ll be fine once she’s settled in.’
‘Yeah, you wait and see.’ Dad chuckled. ‘By Christmas she’ll probably have a Canadian accent, a lumberjack shirt, and want to marry Justin Trudeau.’
‘But what if she doesn’t? What if she carries on hating it? She could come home when she’s sixteen, couldn’t she?’
Mum nodded. ‘With parental permission. Which she certainly wouldn’t get if she was my daughter.’
‘Oh, I don’t know. I think I’d let her,’ Dad said slowly, ‘if it was for the sake of her future. I mean, if Fi was sure she wanted a career in Britain, not Canada, it’d probably help if she had British A-Levels to put her on the same playing field as the competition.’
‘Mm… yes, well, I suppose I could live with that. Provided she went to family. I’m sure her gran would be glad of the company.’ Mum narrowed her eyes. ‘Hang on a minute! Did Fiona put you up to this,’ she waved her spoon at the tray, ‘trying to soften us up? Because there’s no way she’s moving in here, if that’s what you’re angling for!’
Dad choked on his toast. ‘God, no! I couldn’t be doing with her dramas every day.’
‘No, no, it’s no big deal, I was up anyway,’ I said quickly. ‘And no, Fi didn’t put me up to anything.’ Which was true; we’d both just assumed that when I asked, the folks would cry, ‘Yes!’ and we’d all live happily ever after (or at least until she influenced her way into some posh waterfront apartment). ‘She just keeps going on and on about being homesick and wanting to come back.’
‘Well, don’t encourage her,’ said Dad. ‘Remember it’s not all about Fi, Eloise. There are three other people to consider, and it sounds like they’re having a great time.’
‘Absolutely,’ said Mum. ‘It’ll do her no favours to wallow. I mean, look at you – you’ve shed your tears, picked yourself up and moved on. Like Fiona should. You’ve both got more important things to do than cry over spilt milk.’
Great, I thought happily, cycling along with my trousers tucked into my socks. (Yes. Trousers. That was the next nice surprise of the day. They fitted, without me having to suck my tum in or lie on the bed to zip up or doing that horrible camel-toe thing. But they looked so short I had to rip out the stitches where Mum had turned the hems up, and damp them with a sponge, and flatten them under a pile of books because I couldn’t be bothered to iron, and when I measured myself against the secret pencil marks on the side of the doorframe I’ve made every birthday since my fifth, I found I’d grown two centimetres). I’d only tried them on because I thought my legs would freeze on Pinkie in my kilt and was amazed to find they fitted better than when Mum bought them – the waist button had always been tight, but now it wasn’t. I pulled my jumper down and looked at myself sideways. Ugh, what a lump. Squaring my round shoulders, I stretched tall, imagining a giant trying to lift me by my ears, then glanced back at the mirror and was shocked to see what a difference it made. Facing forward, I twisted from side to side, peered over my shoulder trying to see my rear view, paced my very short catwalk a couple of times, and stood face-on again. Yes. The picture really had changed. My jumper hung smoothly from chest to hips and my trousers did hang, no embarrassing cleft, no shiny sausage-skin thighs, as if I’d slightly deflated all over. I sagged in surprise, instantly regained a bulgy waist, and jerked up straight again. Whoa. The Mel was right, she’d been on my case often enough in gym – I really must work on my posture! I practised, stiffly at first, like a soldier, then tried to think tall but loose and relaxed, like a supermodel. Like Raven. Hmm. Better. I wasn’t sure I could keep it up all day, but it made me look so much slimmer I was determined to try.
The morning was cold enough for my winter coat, the most expensive thing on the GSA uniform list, but ‘Never mind,’ Mum had said, ‘it’s nice and sensible and it’ll last you for years.’ It wasn’t bad, actually, apart from looking like your grandad’s car-coat – plain maroon, waterproof, breathable, zip-on hood, zip-in scab-and-pus tartan fleece lining – and she remarked on how smart they looked together, ‘but those trouser cuffs need pressing, Eloise.’ The pink-and-black tabard rather ruined the effect, and I wasn’t happy about wearing the helmet in case it ruined my hair, which had set in real waves, not just ripples, and seemed brighter, as if more strands were bleaching to blonde. Perhaps Mamalou’s PooBar was doing it. I hadn’t dared comb it, just shook and teased it loose, and while I was sticking a couple of grips in the sides, I’d noticed my spots had cleared up. Totally! Well, apart from a tiny pink pinprick on my – slightly pointier! – chin where the pimple used to be. I tilted my head at the mirror. My face looked longer too, with faint shadowy hints of cheekbone. Whoa. Remembering the tin of cherry lip-balm I save for special occasions, I slicked some on and smiled a small, pink glossy smile at my reflection. Wow. A long way from hot, but definitely warmer – way to go, Ellie!
I was still glowing as I re-traced yesterday’s route, and feeling all clean and peaceful inside, knowing that next time Fi mentioned Our Plan, I could tell her it wasn’t going to happen, blame it on the folks and (fingers crossed) she’d let it drop. Cheerfully, I pedalled down the leafy lane and raced over the Headland to tell Raven about Top Withins; and when she stopped squealing and jumping about, her first question was, ‘Can Maman come?’
Ooh. ‘Yeah, I bet the folks would like that.’ I knew I would.
‘Cool! I won’t say anything yet, then. You can check with them and surprise her at the weekend. Can we go to the Parsonage too?’
We chattered non-stop about it all the way down Townsend Road – yes, she’d read Wuthering Heights, it was her favourite Bronte book, and seen two film versions, and Ralph Fiennes made a better Heathcliff than Laurence Olivier, and she was so busy telling me how hot he was, and I was so busy being tall and trying to copy her swingy, confident walk, that we both jumped when someone stepped out of the bus shelter nearest school and said, ‘Hey, babes,’ and there was Josh Brown with his phone in his hand, grinning at us.
My stomach went BOING but Raven just rolled her eyes. ‘Babes? Seriously?’
‘Foxes, then.’ He grinned wider. My stomach went boing-boing-boing. ‘Hotties. Whatever.’
‘You might try, “Good morning, Eloise and Raven,” my dear, it’s more polite,’ she said in Batty’s voice.
‘Yeah,’ Josh laughed, ‘whatever, I thought I’d give you a thrill and walk you in.’ I expected him to make me gooseberry on the end, but instead he fell into step between us, which I thought was kind. Then he turned to me and frowned, and my stomach twinged. Oh-oh. ‘You look different again today, El. You’ve lost weight.’
‘Jeez, Josh!’ said Raven while I went bright red. ‘Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s rude to make personal remarks?’
‘Nah. Dad says they’re the only three words women like to hear more than, ‘I love you.’ And your hair’s different,’ he went on to me. ‘Can I touch?’ Without waiting for a reply, (which was just as well, I was too gobsmacked to speak), he gently pulled a wave then let go. ‘Hey, it bounces!’ He did it again. ‘Boing! Cool.’
My stomach boinged too. Part of me was running round in circles, shrieking hysterically. Joshua Brown actually waited to walk us to school! And he’s actually talking to me! And being nice in a crass boy sort of way, and playing with my hair, and- oh my God, I’m going to get killed if Chard sees! ‘Where’s your girlfriend?’ the other part blurted, gazing frantically around.
‘Um.’ Josh stuffed his phone in his pocket. ‘I dunno. We don’t always come in together.’
‘Yo, dude!’ Jake Adams swooped by on his bike with Danny Thomas riding the crossbar, and whacked Josh on the side of the head. ‘What the actual fuck?’ He screeched to a halt a safe distance away. ‘Have you gone totally in-sane?’
‘Yeah, man.’ Danny slid off clutching his phone. ‘You’re losing the plot, big-time.’
‘See?’ I said bitterly as Josh dashed away to whack Jake back. ‘That’s what boys really think – anyone talking to ugly fat Metal-Mouth Morton must be mad.’
‘You’re mad if you think that. They didn’t mean you, they meant Danny’s phone. Look, they’re all over it.’ Raven nudged my ribs. ‘Besides, Josh fancies you.’
I went even redder. ‘No, he doesn’t.’
‘Yes, he does. He was totally flirting, and it wasn’t with me.’ She giggled and nudged me again. ‘Herself must like you, Ellie. She’s granted your third wish.’
It would’ve been nice to believe, but I didn’t. ‘Don’t be daft,’ I said firmly. ‘He was just mucking about and anyway, he’s going out with Chard.’
But he wasn’t. At least, he wasn’t at lunchtime when she ran crying out of the canteen where we were sharing Raven’s cottage cheese bap and wholemeal scone because it was too chilly to eat on the field, and didn’t show up for registration or afternoon lessons, and by break it was all round the school that he’d dumped her like he told Jake and Danny he was going to, and all the lads were saying he was nuts because Chard was still well fit if not quite as fit as they’d thought, but her BBs were real even if her face hadn’t been. And the mean, nasty part of me was shrieking round in circles again, not that I thought it meant I stood a chance, I was just so happy he wasn’t going out with anyone now. Especially not Chardonnay Jenkins.
Before all that drama, everyone was still buzzing over the first Big News of the Day. Raven had brought in a wad of A4 sheets I helped her fold in half and put on everyone’s desk, (except hers, obviously), before registration. The front was in colour, with RAVEN’S 15TH BIRTHDAY FESTIVAL! printed in the middle over the date and place, surrounded by little drawings of guitars and drums and cakes and candles and bows and arrows and shooting stars, and musical notes, and different coloured words like FUN and GAMES and MUSIC and CRAFTS and BBQ and FIREWORKS, and inside was a map and directions on the left and a programme on the right, noon till nine, and the back was a form to fill in with your name(s) and address(es) if you wanted picking up/dropping off, and boxes to tick for things like Special dietary requirements (please specify), to tear off and RSVP to Raven ASAP. Baldy went pink when he found one on his desk too, and let her make an announcement about it being for classmates only from twelve till six, then parents and brothers and sisters were welcome to join in for the barbie and band and fireworks, only please not by car because there wasn’t enough parking, but there’d be a bus laid on for anyone needing transport so the grown-ups could get merry if they wanted- oh, and please to dress for outdoors because that’s where the best bits would happen.
After school, I was under strict instructions to come straight home, alone, because Raven and I would be spending all weekend together and Mum wanted me up to date with my homework and bag packed, ready to roll in the morning. I would roll, too, thanks to Ferne Gardiner; she’d given me Pinkie, (who was hers, like Raven’s Tango was Rowan’s), on permanent loan because she probably wouldn’t need her again, and was glad Raven’s friend was getting some use out of her; which was great because it meant I could just bungee my bag to the rack, drop Pinkie at Arum, and walk in the rest of the way. Raven showed me where on Thursday afternoon, a little shed in the back garden knocked together from the outside loo and coal-house, next to the picnic bench and green-and-white stripy umbrella and chairs, all folded and neatly stacked away.
‘What happened to the person who lives here?’ I asked as I unfastened my helmet.
‘Bill Oliver? Oh, it’s awful,’ sighed Raven. ‘He had a stroke on his way to bed one night – fell downstairs and broke his pelvis and wasn’t found till next morning when Mr Granger came to see why he hadn’t turned in for work. Good job he did, too. Bill would’ve died otherwise.’
I shuddered, half sorry for asking. ‘God. That is awful. Poor guy.’
‘Yes, and it really shouldn’t have happened. Really, Bill should’ve retired last year after his wife died, and gone to live with his sister like she asked him to because she’d just lost her husband and they’d be company for each other. But he thought the Grangers couldn’t manage without him, so he stayed and carried on working and- well, I won’t say ha ha karma because it’s not the least bit funny, but now they’re having to manage without him anyway.’
I pedalled slowly away, trying to shake off sad thoughts by imagining myself as a dot moving slowly across an old map, following a line I now knew marked the Headland, not a wall or a ditch. Then when I reached the lane, I started thinking about the weekend again, and Raven’s party, and inviting Mamalou to Top Withins, and got so excited I was practically bursting by the time I’d stabled Pinkie in the breakfast nook, (we had nowhere else to put her), and got my cycling stuff off. I managed to save most of it for dinner though, so I didn’t have to repeat everything for Dad, and just gave Mum the goss about Chard while I snacked on leftover bits from last night, then went straight up to get washed, changed, and stuck into my homework.
Dad grinned when he saw the invitation. ‘Dress Code: Casual. Suits me! I’ll wear jeans and a woolly.’ (We were back to casual, in a line on the couch, watching Star Trek and slurping up spaghetti with leftover sauce from our favourite odd bowls; mine had Winnie-the-Pooh characters dancing round the rim, sole survivor of the mug-plate-and-bowl set I got for my seventh birthday).
I sucked in a strand and grinned back. ‘You’re coming, then?’
‘Oh, yes.’ Mum grinned too. ‘Wouldn’t miss it.’ I’d have bet my Christmas savings she’d say that. Mum’s favourite hobby is Fantasy House, ie what she’d do with Davchrys if she only had the money. Sometimes I played it with her; I actually quite like going round homeware departments looking at paint and curtains and duvet covers and things, especially now my room’s next on the list for re-decorating, and she wanted to buy stuff in the January sales I could live with until I left home. I could hardly wait, even though it meant getting rid of all my posters except a couple of favourites, (Ross Topless and Haven’t Decided Yet), to be framed and hung properly, and pinning my other bits on a corkboard because Mum says no way is she having Sellotape or Blu-Tack or drawing pins stuck all over her new walls. Anyway, Fantasy House makes her just as nosey as me when it comes to poking round other people’s places looking for ideas about décor and kitchens and bathrooms and changing her mind fifty thousand times about whether to go for ultra-modern or traditional or rustic – anything but Seventies retro – so I knew she’d be mad keen to have an excuse to poke round Hidden House for three hours. ‘Shame we can only come for the evening, though,’ she added wistfully. ‘I wouldn’t mind having a go at the crafts… I wonder if Lou will be candle-making?’
I shrugged. ‘Raven wouldn’t tell me. She wouldn’t tell anyone anything, just that it was going to be great, and we’d love it and she hoped we’d all come.’ Obviously, I hoped Josh would, but not Chard because there was always a bad atmos and friends taking sides and rowing or not speaking to each other after BFs and GFs split up, and I didn’t want anything like that spoiling Raven’s party for her. Then again, Hidden House was huge, it’d be a lot easier for Chard and Josh to avoid each other there than it would be in class tomorrow, (assuming she turned up).
‘Well, you can RSVP Lou that we’ll all come,’ said Dad, ‘no special dietary requirements, no transport needed. It’s only, what, a mile or so? We can easily walk.’
‘Mm.’ Mum nodded thoughtfully. ‘We could even stop off for a snifter at the Crown on the way home, make a Saturday night of it for once – I assume you’ll be staying at Raven’s, won’t you, love?’
I hesitated. ‘I dunno. We haven’t talked about it.’ I didn’t want to say she hadn’t asked me.
In the morning I was disappointed but faintly relieved that I hadn’t lost any more weight – well, maybe a few ounces, the needle stopped just below the line – but that wasn’t scary. I was more relieved when I got to Arum Cottage and Raven said she only hadn’t asked me to sleep over because she took it for granted I would, we could stay up and chill with the band when everyone else had gone home, and I could come early and help set up too, if I liked.
We were running later than yesterday because while we were putting Pinkie away Raven noticed some plants looking dry, so we did a quick bit of watering then had to hurry down Townsend Road to catch the tail of the GSA crocodile, and didn’t see Josh or the girls as we rushed in just before the bell went to find a big pile of RSVPs on Raven’s desk and, surprise surprise, an atmos you could cut with a knife, even though Josh wasn’t there.
It got worse when Baldy came in looking not at all like his usual self in a plain dark blue tie and didn’t crack a joke or even a smile during registration, then told us to get to the hall PDQ for a special assembly. The whole school was whispering and looking sideways at each other as we filed into our usual rows, no stirring music this morning, with the whole staff including the school nurse, caretaker, and head dinner lady standing round the sides looking grim. I felt sick. What on earth was going on? Had something awful happened to Josh? Is that why he wasn’t in- oh, no. Phew. I sighed with relief as he walked through the teachers’ door, followed by Baldy, followed by an ominous CLICK-CLICK-CLICK as the Prince came down the corridor at twice her usual speed and burst in like a whirlwind.
Climbing the stage steps two at a time, she strode to the lectern and glared round at us like a black panther. Everyone was dead silent, petrified; we’d never seen Batty ballistic before.
‘I imagine some of you know perfectly well why I’ve called this assembly,’ she snarled, looking straight at 10 BT. ‘And all of you should pay very close attention to what I’m about to say because I don’t plan on repeating it.
‘The main reason your parents want you here, the main reason that GSA is such an excellent school, is that we have sensible rules, enforced for sensible reasons. Generally, they’re meant to instil discipline and good habits which will serve you well in your future career, whatever that might be. Specifically, the uniform and make-up rules are because you’re here to learn, not take part in a fashion parade. And the anti-bullying rules- well, let’s have a show of hands, shall we? Who enjoys being ganged up on? Who likes being called horrible names on social media? How about being harassed by abusive texts, or seeing conversations between classmates about getting older friends to kick your head in? Come on,’ she glared round again, ‘let’s see those hands! Not a single one? No, of course not. Nobody – nobody – likes being bullied. Hence our zero-tolerance policy – I absolutely will not allow any student to intimidate or otherwise interfere with another’s well-being and education, on or off the premises, on any grounds or by any means whatsoever – as is clearly stated in the rulebook you all should have read, and on the agreement you and your responsible adult signed when you enrolled.
‘Yet we’re only on Day 4 – Day 4! – and I’ve already had to deal with two complaints from angry parents and two cases of blatant rule-breaking,’ my stomach boinged and I went bright red, ‘the latest and most serious being a nasty outbreak of cyber-bullying initiated yesterday by a small group against an individual.’ Phew! The hot tide receded. Nothing to do with my pants, then.
‘Luckily, this was noticed and reported to me last night, and I’ve just had a most instructive breakfast meeting with the parent and student concerned.’ She pulled an Android from the black depths of her gown and held it up accusingly. ‘The five who began this – you know who you are – will hand your phones to your class teachers after this assembly, and thereafter into my office immediately on your arrival until the end of September to guarantee no repetition of this behaviour during school hours. I shall also contact your parents to ensure that every offensive post pertaining to this incident is deleted from your personal social media, as it will be deleted from GSA sites, and warn them that any further infringement, even so much as a dirty-looks campaign, will result in your permanent exclusion – if not a report to the police, should anyone be foolish enough to make threats of death or bodily harm to a fellow student again, even in so-called jest.’
Oh, my God… this really was serious. My eyes darted round as much of our two rows as I could see without craning my neck and being obvious. In front on Raven’s left, Chard’s deskie Kirsty Jameson and her bestie Suze Harlow were sitting like marble statues with Chard in between, looking down, her maroon-and-yellow fringe hiding her face. Aha.
‘Meanwhile you’ll each receive five conduct de-merits,’ (gulp – seven got you suspended and ten got you expelled), ‘and the considerably larger number who, I’m sorry to say, weighed in with insults and ingenious suggestions for injury,’ the Prince went on as other people started shuffling and squirming and nudging, ‘will receive one apiece and, I trust, remove any and all reference to the matter.
‘The only – the only – redeeming feature of this whole sorry affair is that several of the student’s classmates had the wisdom and maturity to try and stop the unpleasantness escalating by reminding the rest of our motto.’ She pointed with the phone to the gilded GSA crest above the stage, Success Through Good Conduct & Endeavour, and gave the tiniest nod in my direction.
I knew I hadn’t, I’d been avoiding my phone in case of Fi and only switched it back on last night to get Raven’s ‘home safe’ text and send a thumbs-up back. Wondering if she’d logged on before bed and waded in, I hissed in her ear, ‘Was it you?’
‘Uh-uh,’ she hissed back. ‘I don’t do social media.’
‘These students – again, you know who you are,’ Batty’s face hinted at a smile, ‘will each receive a gold conduct merit and a note of commendation to your parents.’
I felt the warm squish of Bree on my other side quiver, and glanced round to see she and Kat had clasped hands and gone bright red, like theneck and ears of the lad in front of them. I wasn’t surprised about Bree, whose family tease her about her weight because they think it’ll help her lose some, so she knows how horrible it feels and never says a bad word about anybody, or Kat, who’s very Christian as well as naturally nice, and goes to the same church as Deefor but doesn’t bang on about religion all the time like some Goddy people; but I was surprised that the glowing neck and ears, I could practically feel the heat from here, were attached to Jake Adams. Jake Adams! I never thought- oh well, good for him.
‘I’ll end by reminding all of you – all of you! – to live by our motto,’ the Prince jabbed the phone upwards again, ‘at all times, especially those of you due to leave us next summer. Remember, what you put into the public domain isn’t just seen by your friends. It can be seen by university selection boards, prospective employers, anyone – so show yourself to the world as aggressive, immature and irresponsible, and you can kiss goodbye to your prospects in certain careers. I shall therefore advise everyone’s responsible adult to install tighter parental controls and monitor your online activities very carefully – as the parent of the student targeted here does, fortunately.’ She waved Josh’s phone at us. ‘Remember also that the whole staff is watching closely now, and we’ll come down on you like a ton of bricks if anything of the sort happens again.
‘Now, you five ringleaders hand your phones to your teachers, then all of you, straight back to your homerooms. And remember – this is your first and final warning.’
With a brief nod, she whirled out, giving Josh’s phone to Baldy as she passed. Everyone else started filing out in age order from the Year 13s at the back, but I muttered to Raven, ‘Hang on.’ Pretending to re-tie my shoelace, I watched Chard’s mates in 10 RK, Shaz Judd and Laney Parker, give their phones to Ms Khan, looking pretty sick. Then, quelle surprise, Chard, Kirsty and Suze gave theirs to Baldy, who’d just discreetly slipped Josh’s back to him.
When we got outside the corridor was unusually quiet, everyone whispering and tiptoeing so as not to disturb Batty and bring her storming down on us again.
‘I’m glad I missed this,’ I hissed. ‘I’d have been too upset to sleep if I’d seen people bullying Josh.’
‘Surely a gold star’s worth a sleepless night,’ Raven hissed back. ‘Because you’d have said the same as Bree and Kat and Jake,’ (so she’d noticed), ‘wouldn’t you?’
‘Um.’ I thought about it. ‘Well, yeah. I suppose.’
‘I don’t suppose. I know.’ Smiling, Raven squeezed my arm. ‘Because you’re a good person, Ellie.’
I beamed back at her, full metal, a huge happy rose blooming from my tum, spreading pink petals over my cheeks, making me feel about ten centimetres taller and ten kilos lighter. Floating into our homeroom, I tossed my waves like a shampoo advert and headed for my desk – then collapsed weak-kneed on the chair as I suddenly realised what all these warm, squidgy feelings I had inside meant. They meant that I’d fallen in love.
Chapter 7: Made Over
OMG. I dared a glance at Raven as she sat down beside me. No boing. Phew. Not in love like with Josh, then – but definitely feelings I’d never felt before about a girl. Not that I didn’t love Fi – and Caro and Lib, and I’d probably love Bree and Kat if I knew them better – but they didn’t make me feel this good. Not that they made me feel bad; one reason I loved them was they never mentioned my size or weight or what I ate, maybe because they had ‘food issues’ too. Caro can’t get enough because of sport although she eats like ten men, so she’s constantly starving and rumbles so loudly in class the lads call her Thunderguts, (quietly, behind her back). Libby’s pear-shaped with thunder-thighs and always on some mad diet trying to make her bottom match her top and trying to get me, anybody, to do it with her so she doesn’t have to starve on her own. And Fi’s a dreadful chocoholic, much worse than me. She can eat it till she’s literally sick; her mum used to lock chocolatey things in a cupboard and ration them out, although obviously Fi cheated and bought it from shops as well. Apart from that she doesn’t eat much because of allergies, (she says), to seafood, bones, organs, gristle, skin, and especially fat, so she never eats crackling or roasties or Yorkshires or gravy with Sunday dinner, or fish n’ chips or doughnuts or spare-ribs or KFC or any food that makes your fingers greasy, and doesn’t even like cream cakes or ice-cream. I believe her – I’ve seen her retch a sandwich out because Mrs McD accidentally left a tiny white sliver on the ham – but Mum says she’s just picky and spoilt. She never drinks pop or squash either because they make her spots worse, (she says), only semi-skimmed milk and weak tea and fresh juice and still mineral water. (At least, that’s what she thinks. When Mum saw the price of Harrogate Spring, she bought one bottle about three years ago and kept topped it up from the tap, then chucked it straight in the recycling almost the second we’d waved Fi goodbye. Which made me cry. I wanted to get it out and use it as a candle-holder in my bedroom, but Mum said no, that was morbidly sentimental and anyway, it had broken in the bin. Which made me cry again).
So, what was different with Raven? Partly I was flattered stupid that someone like her could be bothered with someone like me, and giddy with all our plans, so bursting with new ideas I couldn’t wait till we could be alone again. Not in a holding-hands snogging way, just to talk, and do stuff together; not besties-till-Fi’s-home – besties, full stop. More than that, even. Soulmates. Yeah. My tum twinged. I really, really hoped I’d never have to tell Fi, that things would go on just sort of fizzling like they seemed to be. (I’d finally cracked and left my phone on today, but no moany texts from her. No texts at all, in fact. Or missed calls). And Raven didn’t have food issues, unless you count being an eco-freak vegetarian. Thinking about it, I didn’t either. Not really. I was just a lazy junk-food junkie auto-snacker who never ran if I could walk… at least, I used to be. No way could I pig out in front of Raven like I did with Fi – we could demolish a family bag of nachos and a giant Toblerone between us watching TV after Saturday dinner, no sweat – I’d be too embarrassed. I didn’t even fancy secret treats any more. Not now I could fasten my trousers, because if I stuck to polite portions until next weekend, I might even be able to wear my best, favourite jeans for the party!
My head was so full I hardly heard Baldy’s lecture about lessons learnt, and drawing lines, and moving on, no hard feelings, blah blah. I half-wanted to tell Raven in case she was pleased but didn’t in case she wasn’t, so I just glowed quietly to myself. No-one noticed, though; their heads were full too, and school felt dead weird because we hardly dared say boo knowing the staff were watching and earwigging, so it felt like a tonne weight lifted off my shoulders when the bell went at twenty to four. Despite my glowy tum, and an easy afternoon playing about with PowerPoint in Public Speaking and planning a Self-Portrait project in Double Art, it’d been a horrible day. Josh had barely looked up or spoken a word except to Jake and Danny, as if he didn’t trust anyone else any more, and I felt really bad for him because everyone knew someone who’d been involved, which meant the whole of Year 10 knew what had gone down by morning break, which meant the whole school knew by lunchtime, which meant everyone was looking sideways and talking about him, and no-one was talking to Chard and her mates in case a teacher saw and thought they were taking sides.
‘Thank God it’s Friday!’ said Raven as we joined the subdued stream pouring onto Townsend Road. There was none of the usual weekend buzz, mates yelling to each other, hanging round the gates making plans, making dates, mucking about while they waited for buses or lifts, or dawdling along chatting and laughing, BFs and GFs arm-in-arm. No, today it was all heads-down hustle, everyone scared, desperate to escape, and plenty worried about getting into more trouble at home. Chard must’ve rung her mum to pick them up, because she, Suze and Kirsty literally ran out and screeched off in Mrs J’s big red SUV, while Josh marched out between Danny and Jake, all three glaring round, daring someone to say something to his face but no-one did. It was weather for hurrying, too; the day had never warmed up or got properly light and now the saggy grey clouds were catching the treetops, making it look dark as November and feel just as drippy and raw. ‘I hope things calm down over the weekend,’ she went on, unravelling a length of scab-and-pus stripes from her pocket, (no surprise that Mamalou had bought the GSA scarf Mum said I could manage without). ‘I don’t need any more dramas before my party!’
‘Um- no, I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ I said awkwardly. ‘School’s not normally like this, I promise.’ I bundled my hair round my neck, pulled my hood up, and fastened it tight, not caring how uncool it looked because I’d have earache in ten seconds if I didn’t. ‘The worst thing before this was ages ago, when some Year 12 set the bin in the girls’ loo on fire trying to put her cig out before a teacher came in.’
Raven’s eyes danced and I think she said, ‘Pleased to hear it,’ but her voice was muffled by the scarf she’d wrapped round her face, and my ears were muffled by my hood, so trying to talk was pointless; we just stuffed our cold hands in our pockets, saved our breath to walk fast, and by the time we got to Arum I was steaming like a racehorse.
Still gagged, Raven went to the shed and passed Pinkie out. I stuffed my school bag in her basket and wheeled her onto the lane, undoing my hood with my left hand, and when I pushed it back and unzipped my neck, it was like taking the lid off a kettle. Ugh. I shook my hair out and opened my coat all the way, hoping some of the fug would blow off before Mamalou smelt me.
‘Why are you walking?’ Raven bowled past on Tango, left foot on the pedal, scooting along with her right, no helmet, scarf flapping from her pocket. Then she swung into the saddle and shot off up the hill, standing on the pedals, her bum wiggling like the racers on Tour de Yorkshire. ‘Come on, slowcoach!’
Oh, God. I tucked my trousers in my socks, climbed on and pedalled like mad in first gear, (mostly sitting), and found Raven waiting for me at the top. ‘Now for the easy part,’ she giggled, and sped off downhill. ‘Yee-hah! Weekend, here we come!’
I let the slope take me and followed as fast as I dared, coat ballooning under my arms, chilling the sweat and drying off the steam; but when we’d stashed the bikes and hung our stuff in the mud room, I still felt – and smelt – too skanky to face Mamalou.
‘Wait a minute,’ I said to Raven. ‘I need to clean up a bit.’
‘Nuh-uh. There’s something you need to hear first.’ Grabbing my arm, she dragged me into the dining room. ‘Maman, we’re home! Come and tell Ellie the House Rules.’
Mamalou appeared from the kitchen. ‘Hallo, girls! Yes, Eloise, the Gardiners made strict Friday Night Rules for their children, which I now expect Raven and her friends to abide by.’ What the heck? My heart sank as she held up three fingers. ‘Rule One: Straight into Shower and Slobs. That means no four o’clock snack, I’m afraid. But fear not, because Rule Two is Fast Food Friday, which means dinner’s ready when you are.’
‘And best of all, Rule Three,’ butted in Raven. ‘Required R and R – which means total chill-out, no homework!’
‘Unless of course there’s something you’re burning to do tonight.’ Mamalou winked at me. ‘In which case feel free to study as long and hard as you please.’
‘God, no,’ I blurted. Fi and I always did homework on Fridays because our folks believed in getting it over with, but since I’d be spending most of the weekend doing history project stuff, I thought I deserved a break. ‘I’d much rather chill.’
‘Great!’ said Raven, heading for the stairs. ‘Then let’s get this party started!’
She took first shower while I unpacked my slobs and toiletries on her bottom bunk, (I refused the top in case I forgot where I was in the night and fell out, or needed a wee and woke her being clumsy on the ladder). The clothes I’d spent ages choosing went into the drawers underneath, which were empty apart from a spare pillow and a couple of blankets. I dumped my minging school clothes in the laundry basket on top of Raven’s, then slipped into my robe and dived thankfully into the bathroom after her. No way could I get through the weekend with an unwashed head, so I carefully combed PooBar through my hair with my fingers, rinsed it without rubbing, and washed the rest of myself PDQ because I was starving; I guessed Raven was too, but I needed her help with the Alien Mouse before we could go down and eat.
I hurried back into the bedroom squeezing it in a towel and glanced enviously at hers, almost dry already and looking great. ‘God, I wish my hair was easy to manage as yours.’
Raven shrugged. ‘Let Mum cut it, then. She does mine.’
‘Really? Wow.’ Imagining my new slimmer face under her haircut, I dropped the towel and grimaced at the soggy, fuzzy rope I’d tried to wring out in the sink. Thinking of the hours of my life it had eaten and still looked rubbish, I suddenly, totally hated it. The New Improved Ellie couldn’t be bothered any more, and before the Old Boring Ellie had chance to wimp out, I heard myself say, ‘Yeah, what the hell. Let’s go for it.’
‘Brilliant! Mum loves having a new head to work on. Hurry up and get dressed, I’ll go tell her. She’ll probably want to do you straight away, while it’s wet.’
Trying hard not to think, I scrambled into clean panties, my favourite stripy PJ top, Foxy sweatshirt, blue leggings and slipper-socks, then ran to the kitchen where I found Mamalou waiting.
‘Are you sure you want to do this, Eloise? Shouldn’t you ring your parents first to check it’s OK?’
I shook my head. It had to be NOW, before I changed my mind. ‘No, I’d like to surprise them They’ll be pleased, honestly. Especially Mum, she’s been on my case about it forever.’
‘D’accord,’ Mamalou rubbed her hands, ‘allons-y!’
Heart racing, I followed her through a door on the far side of the kitchen into a part I hadn’t seen yet. I don’t know what I’d expected but it wasn’t all stainless-steel units and a sink you could practically bath in, racks of glass jars and bottles and monster metal pans and colanders and steamers, with a pebbly pale-grey non-slip floor and brilliant white ceiling lights like the school Domestic Science lab. We passed through into a little cloakroom hung with white overalls, caps and hairnets, and a bunch of framed certificates on the wall, then through another kitchen almost identical except for the fantastic smell, and bunches of flowers and herbs hanging from the ceiling, and shelves covered in blocks of beeswax, and candles, and PooBars, and soaps, and packets of herb tea, and I realised this was where Raven had rushed off to on Tuesday night to pack our gift-bag. One wall had a big glass-fronted cabinet like a chemist’s shop in a museum, full of antique pottery jars with gold lettering, and bottles of coloured liquid, and glass jars of weird dried stuff. I recognised the orangey lumps of frankincense and would’ve loved a close look at the rest, but Mamalou beckoned me on into the smaller end room. It was completely different to the others, with a shiny wooden floor, a flowery curtain over the window, pressed flowers in wooden frames on the walls, and a wooden rack of tiny bottles with flowery labels. There was a flowery armchair in one corner with a big fat scented candle burning on the coffee table next to it, and a massage couch, and a proper hairdresser’s sink, and a vanity unit with a big mirror with lights all round and shelves full of tubs and bottles and hairdressing tools underneath, and Raven sitting in a squashy cream leather swivel chair in front of it.
She jumped up when we came in. ‘Prepare to be made over!’ Weak-kneed, I sagged into the chair – partly with surprise, I’d never seen a beauty parlour in someone’s house before – and she draped a towel round my shoulders then perched on the couch to watch. ‘Dépêche-toi, Maman! J’ai faim.’
‘Oui, bien sûr.’ Mamalou picked up the Mouse with one hand and a pair of scissors with the other. ‘Now, Eloise, are you absolutely certain you want this cut off?’
‘Yes,’ I gulped. ‘Please.’
‘Eh bien, I shall proceed. Just close your eyes and relax, we’ll be done in no time.’
I already had – like when I was at the dentist or having an injection, I didn’t dare look in case I freaked out or fainted. Instead I listened to Raven telling Mamalou about our day, joining in sometimes, trying to ignore the rapid snip-snip-snipping and enjoy the novelty of my hair being lifted and mussed, and my head turning into a helium balloon, growing lighter by the second.
‘Good grief,’ said Mamalou when the saga was told. ‘I’m disappointed to hear there’s a culture of bullying… are you sure you want to stay at GSA, Raven? You can always be home schooled again, you know.’
‘No!’ we wailed together. ‘I mean, no, I don’t want home schooling,’ Raven added hastily, ‘and yes, I do want to stay, it’s a good school, I like the teachers, and most people are really nice.’
‘Yes, this only happened because Chard was so upset,’ I chipped in. (I knew exactly how she felt, exactly like I’d feel being dumped by Josh Brown), ‘And her mates were only sticking up for her to start with, then- um, it all got a bit out of hand.’
‘Yes, and that mightn’t have happened if Josh had been more grown-up and waited, broken it to Chard tonight and given her the weekend to cry, instead of texting her yesterday at school,’ said Raven. ‘That was cruel.’
I went bright red. That was what I’d been thinking, and I didn’t like thinking badly of Josh. But text-dumping your girlfriend for not being pretty enough without make-up was a horrible, mean thing to do… plus it meant I stood no chance with him, ever, because even Chard’s spotty bare face was better-looking than mine. Luckily Mamalou didn’t notice the heat because she’d just bent my head down low to riffle her fingers over it.
‘Have a good shake to get the clippings out,’ she said. ‘Excellent! And now a spot of brightening balm to finish you off.’
‘Mm.’ I sniffed as she scrunched something delicious through my hair. ‘What is that?’
‘Camomile, calendula, and jasmine. You must take a jar home to use every day, it’ll help bring out these pretty highlights,’ Mamalou replied, giving my head a last ruffle. ‘Et voilà! One low maintenance coupe sauvage.’
New Improved Ellie time… Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes. A strange girl blinked and goldfished at me. Her hair was a quite interesting brown, darker without any frizz or split ends, but brighter at the same time because the golden and coppery threads showed up more. A jagged fringe skimmed her eyebrows, then blended into soft layers that fell back from her face, showing her ear lobes and just brushing her shoulders… and wavy. Wavy! Wavier than Raven’s, almost as wavy as Mum’s, a loose mop of tendrils I half-thought must be a wig Mamalou had planted on me as a joke.
I ran my fingers through to check, then gasped. ‘Oh my God!’
‘Oh dear.’ Mamalou’s reflection grimaced. ‘Don’t you like it?’
I shook it vigorously. It settled back into place, shaggy, tousled – sexy! ‘No,’ I cried, ‘I love it! I totally love it!’ I leapt up and bear-hugged her. ‘I just can’t believe- how did you do this? It’s magic!’
Mamalou laughed. ‘Not really. I guessed you’d have hair like your mama’s without all that weight pulling it down.’
‘Yes,’ Raven joined the hug, ‘and it looks wicked, Ellie, really suits you, great job, Maman, please can we go and eat now?’
I pulled a face at the Alien Mouse, sheared off in one, lying dead among its mass of chopped-off arms. ‘Do you have a dustpan and brush handy? I’ll clean this mess up first.’
‘Absolutely not! Remember Rule Three, no homework, no housework. Oh,’ Mamalou smiled, ‘unless you count helping me carry dinner down to the rec room.’
Ooh, goody – another new place to nosey at! My New Improved Hair and I bounced lightly out after Mamalou and Raven; I tossed my head and admired myself in every shiny surface we passed, part of me wanting to cry. I’d only put up with the Alien Mouse for so long to hide my fat spotty face, and because I thought I needed big hair to balance my big body. I never dreamt it could look so much bigger and better short, or that this haircut would’ve suited me even at my fattest. But mostly my Inner Ellie was jumping round punching the air, like Mum would be, at the thought of not needing help to wash it or groom it or put it to bed ever again, and all the extra time it’d give me, feeling free and relieved as if I’d finally got rid of some boring, demanding pet I’d never really liked.
Raven was bouncing too, chattering over her shoulder as we retraced our steps to the kitchen. ‘You’ll love Fast Food Friday, Ellie! It’s Big Bake Day at Grange, and Mum helps there so she doesn’t have to cook here, like Godma used to, and she always brings something extra yummy home for dinner.’
Today it was two monster pizzas – hurrah! Raven took Hot Pepper with Olives and Artichoke Hearts, and I followed her through a door in the hallway and down a flight of narrow stone stairs with Wild Mushroom Four Cheese, and Mamalou followed with everything else on a tray. The rec room was at the back, underneath the music room, and opened out through some sliding glass doors between two huge picture windows onto a patio I hadn’t noticed when we passed on Tuesday because it was under the decking, which made it a bit dark inside. Nearest the windows was a pool table with a long lamp hanging over it, and a table with four chairs where you could play cards and board games, and a dartboard, and a pinball machine, all old and well-used – the Gardiner kids must’ve had a ball growing up here, I thought enviously, and their folks must’ve had pots of money.
Raven headed for the darker back of the room, where two massive tweedy L-shaped couches were arranged like square brackets with a coffee table at each end of the short arms and another between the long ones, so a dozen people could comfortably sprawl out and snack. We each put our load on one of the tables then Raven and I plumped onto a couch, side by side, facing the massive home entertainment system. Mamalou passed us edible hemp plates, (Rule 3 again – no washing up!), and we tore into Hot Pepper while she popped a cork and poured out three foamy glasses.
‘Salut! This is vintage elderflower champagne, Eloise, our usual Friday night treat. Don’t worry, you won’t get drunk – it’s not strong enough.’ Mamalou sat down on the other side of the coffee table and pulled off a big dripping slice. ‘And don’t feel guilty about missing homework either, because you can do some while we-’ She glanced around. ‘Oh, where’s that wretched remote? Don’t say I’ve lost it again.’
‘Jeez, Mum.’ Raven rolled her eyes. ‘Alexa, play movie. It’s the only smart thing in the house,’ she added as the monster screen lit up, ‘and the goddies only got this because Ferne and Rowan bought and installed it for them one Christmas.’
‘Oh wow!’ I bounced in my seat as the credits rolled. It was Far From the Madding Crowd and I loved it except for thinking Bathsheba was mad because if Gabriel Oak looked like that, ie a bit like Josh Brown, it should’ve been love at first sight and happily ever after, (which would’ve made a pretty short film, I suppose). Also her hair was wrong, but Mamalou explained that lots of people had been fans of Julie Christie rather than Thomas Hardy, and she was famously blonde so that’s what they wanted to see, and it might’ve bombed at the box-office if she’d been dark like in the book, (which seemed as mad as Josh not fancying Chard without her make-up).
By the time Madding was finished the pizzas were too, more or less, and we were all too pleine for pudding. While we waited to make space, Raven fetched her school copy and read her favourite scene aloud, and I saw what she meant about the book being sexier because it’s slow and all in your head so you can make the characters look like whoever you want, (me and Josh, naturally – phew!), and imagined Victorian girls imagining their sweethearts and swooning and fanning themselves as they read.
The pizzas had gone down a bit now, so Mamalou cut three thin slices of something she called tarte tatin, covered in thin crispy slices of apple, then took the tray away through a door at the back I hadn’t noticed.
‘What shall we watch with pud- ooh, I know!’ said Raven. ‘Alexa, play Hollow Crown, Henry Four, Part One. Have you seen it? It’s wicked,’ she went on as I shook my head, ‘really brings it to life.’
I tried not to wince. Mum had watched the series because she’s got a thing about the guy who plays Prince Hal, but Fi and I thought Shakespeare at school was bad enough, we didn’t want him at home as well. Meanwhile Mamalou reappeared with a dark pink blob on top of our tarts, which turned out to be raspberry sorbet. Mm. Then we watched Crown and Raven was right, and Prince Hal was perfect, exactly as I’d imagined – except his hair!! It should’ve been black, in a weird style like on the portrait Baldy showed us, not fair and wavy like some lad at school, and I said so. And Mamalou said I was clearly a purist when it came to costume drama and she knew what I meant, she’d prefer it dyed the right colour although she could live without the Norman pudding-basin haircut.
We’d had enough culture by then, so while Mamalou went for a bath, Raven told Alexa to put on a playlist and we half-watched music vids while she tried teaching me pool, and got giggly on the last of the champagne, (and because I’d never held a pool cue before, so I was totally pants), just like two women in a pub. Then after she’d slaughtered me twice, I suggested a darts match and I slaughtered her because my cousins have a dartboard in their garage and we play for hours on rainy holidays, so it’s one game I’m reasonably good at.
Then Mamalou reappeared in her dressing gown and told us she was turning in because it’d been a long day, and we realised it was nearly eleven and we’d better go to bed ourselves, and it was The Greatest Feeling Ever to simply finger-comb my hair then snuggle into my bunk with no plait or hairnet, hurrah!
Raven’s hand groped down in front of my face, fingers wiggling. ‘Bonne nuit, bestie,’ she murmured as I caught it. ‘Sweet dreams.’
‘Same to you, bestie.’ I squeezed it, glowing. She squeezed back then pulled the cord hanging by the headboard to switch off the overhead light, sighed deeply, turned over, and went straight to sleep.
I didn’t think I would, because I felt excited as a kid at Christmas about going to the Museum, and meeting the Grangers with Mum and Dad, maybe biking or hiking round the farm in between, or watching some more Hollow Crown… I expected, half-wanted, to lie awake for ages thinking and planning. But the bed was so much comfier than the air mattress at Fi’s, and the room so quiet apart from Raven’s soft breathing, and the quilt so cosy, and the pillow and sheets so crisp and sweet-scented that next moment there were birds chirping outside, and my bladder was bursting, and my travel alarm clock said twenty to six.
Chapter 8: Surprising Saturday
I grabbed my slobs from the corner behind the pillow where I’d stuffed them in case I got cold in the night, and crept into the bathroom for a monster pee. Then I opened the curtains, dressed, washed my face, and rubbed in my Moi by the faint light from the pebbly window. Then I put the light on and had a good look at my New Improved Hair. Wow! I ran my broad-tooth comb through, (the Alien Mouse used to eat regular combs, so Mum had to buy it a special sort), wet my hands, scrunched it up, shook my head, and looked again. Unbelievable! No knots or tangles, nothing to hang in my eyes or get caught round door handles; a proper style in a cross between chestnut and blonde – not great, but better than mouse, and if it was sunny this weekend Mamalou’s balm might brighten it some more. If not, I might even dye it… it didn’t seem such a stupid idea now I was spotless, with actual cheekbones and only one chin. I could pass for fifteen already, I thought. Or sixteen. Maybe more if I pinched some of Mum’s make-up. Which I might for Raven’s party, since- um, since some boys seemed to like it… Whatever, for once I couldn’t wait to get to town, hoping we’d bump into someone from school. Preferably Josh. Meanwhile I had two hours to kill, because as we said goodnight Mamalou had told me to get up whenever and do whatever I liked except wake Raven before eight or she wouldn’t be responsible for the consequences. So, feeling deliciously naughty even though it was allowed, I sneaked out to explore; but by quarter to seven I was back in the kitchen, glad they were still asleep so I wouldn’t have to make conversation or try to hide my stupid surprise and disappointment.
Jeez, Eloise… I shook my head over the jars of healthy breakfast Mamalou had left on the table. Thanks to washing up I knew where the bowls were, so while the kettle boiled, I filled one with muesli I could tell was unsweetened just by looking, sprinkled on dried apple slices, blobbed on yoghurt, and topped it with a generous dollop of strawberry conserve. The coffee, (not my usual, but I couldn’t resist Mamalou’s French-roast beans), had me stuck until I remembered her old hand-grinder and ground the same amount as I use for my folks, and brewed a full cafetiere. Then I sat down to chew things over, (which took ages because of all the nuts and seeds and fruit).
Mostly I felt cross at myself for expecting Hidden House to look like a museum inside just because it was old, rather than a home where people raised families and ran businesses – and had just been de-cluttering to sell. Starting upstairs, obviously, where my long-awaited Grand Tour consisted mainly of poking my head round the doors. True, the bedrooms were sort ofperiod: rag rugs, patchwork quilts and curtains each in a different main colour, bare whitewash walls with a sampler in a rustic frame over each bed – but not fancy four-posters, just ordinary, like the rest of the nice-but-plain furniture that could’ve been made by the same carpenter – centuries ago, for all I knew. There was nothing else, no photos or knick-knacks or books, no scarves or jewellery to try on or perfumes to sniff. Only Mr and Mrs G’s room next to Mamalou felt lived-in, faintly scented by a bowl of dried rosebuds on the dressing table, with nightclothes left on the rose-and-lace quilt under a BLESS THIS HOUSE sampler, a half-read Three Men in a Boat on one bedside table, and bulging bin-bags from their clear-out piled between the windows.
Resisting the urge to rummage, I walked past into a gorgeous en-suite more like a conservatory, with a big frondy plant in one corner, another hanging from the ceiling in a knotted string holder, and a bookcase of cartoons to laugh at while you were on the loo or cooling down after a bath in the big wicker armchair. Another door brought me out at the head of the landing, and I had a quick peek into a tweedy blue-grey bedroom and a ferny green bedroom with a laundry room Mum would’ve killed for, (hanging rails, clothes horses, ironing board ready set up), in between. The bedrooms felt cold and stale, like a guesthouse where nobody stays, and the only things worth a glance were the samplers; Rowan’s had a cross-stitch Maidenhowe with its three pines under the words DULCE DOMUM,(which I knew meant something like ‘Sweet Home,’ because that’s what our opposite neighbour’s house is called – Dad told me when I first learnt to read it, and said it was a laugh given how much they row), and Ferne’s had a lady with AVE DOMINA above her orange hair and PLENA POTENTIAE under the hem of her long white dress, which brought me out in goosebumps even though I didn’t understand it at all.
On my way downstairs I found a narrow door in the panelling with a narrow, creaky spiral staircase behind it, and got briefly excited – but there were no antiques in the attic, just bare boards like an unfinished loft conversion, and a spare roll of insulation, and a stack of boxes labelled FAIRYLIGHTS, TREE DECS etc. I didn’t bother going in. Ditto the cellar behind the rec room, which I could see from the doorway still had its ancient flagstone floor and bays with stone shelves, full of the same sort of stuff they’d probably always held except the one straight ahead, done out as a utility room with a washer and drier and a big glass-fronted freezer where I guessed Mamalou got our raspberry sorbets. Ditto the toolshed-garage with an old mud-splattered monster truck and a battered green army-type Land Rover parked next to Mamalou’s car, and its upstairs cloakroom-loo and kitchenette, then a huge open space which had an uneven floor and lovely old wormy-beamed roof, but just reminded me of a Youth Hostel dorm where all the Gardiners’ saggy mattresses and fed-up-with furniture ended up.
Ditto the rooms over the craft kitchens – a little office and more boring stores – although I did spend some time downstairs, which was actually better than a museum because I could open cabinets and take lids off and sniff things – and read the certificates on my way past. Mrs G had an Open University degree in alternative medicine, and she and Mamalou were NVQ assessors and aromatherapists and had done Health & Safety courses and all sorts. Then I thought I might as well get breakfast because the only other thing I really wanted was to play with Raven’s doll’s house, but I didn’t dare wake her. I couldn’t explore outside either because my boots etc were in the drawer under my bunk, and anyway, it was such a miserable morning I didn’t fancy it.
Rinsing bits of nut from between my teeth with dregs, I refilled my Capricorn mug, hoping a caffeine rush might stop me feeling like a ripped-off little kid. This was still way bigger, older, and more interesting than any house I’d ever been in except stately homes, big enough for the even the laundry and root veg to have rooms of their own. Yet I was sort of equal to Mamalou and Raven here, a guest using the Gardiners’ stuff, nothing mine except the bits I’d brought with me. Which made me feel slightly better – as did suddenly understanding why they loved guests, why Raven was so keen to make friends and throw a big birthday party, because Hidden House cried out for company. I imagined what fun it must’ve been when all the bedrooms were full; huge family Christmases with the adults round the dining table and kids in the kitchen where it didn’t matter if they had food-fights, rellies crashing in the dorm, Ferne and Rowan’s mates sleeping over; or fantastic parties when bands came to stay- I wonder where Cecile slept? And that got me wishing Mortons Three could live here too – Fast Food Fridays were just our thing, all together on the rec room couches stuffing pizza and laughing at the monster screen – and felt less maungey, which was just as well because next minute the hall clock bonged half-seven and Raven stumbled in rubbing her eyes.
‘Coffee smells good,’ she yawned. ‘If you’ve drunk it all I might have to kill you.’
Next surprise came at quarter to ten when I bounced downstairs in my half-price lightweight walking boots and 100% parent-approved all-weather holiday co-ordinates: navy cargo pants, matching hoodie, and navy-and-white stripy T-shirt. Not very cool – from a distance you could mistake me for somebody’s mum, eg mine, who’d bought the same outfit for herself (olive green) and Dad (dark brown) in the same sale, plus a few interchangeable T-shirts – but I felt plenty cool because it had never looked so good. I’d always been able to fasten the pants (just) because of the elasticated waistband, but now there was room to tuck in the shirt, (which didn’t make me look so much like a beach-ball), and I had to tighten the belt.
At the turn of the stairs, I stopped abruptly to see two strange men waiting below in the hall. The taller one was wearing an old Indiana Jones-type hat, waxed jacket, camouflage trousers and work-boots, and the shorter had a khaki army parka and peaked cap, skinny faded jeans with real splits, and well-worn black Docs. I thought Mr Granger must’ve called in with one of his sons until they looked up and I saw their faces. Horror flashed across Mamalou’s, and I wondered what I’d done wrong even as I tried to hide my own shock that they hadn’t poshed up a bit for town, like me and Fi and our folks always do.
Raven wolf-whistled. ‘Wow! You look nice, Ellie.’
Mamalou glanced at her sidelong with a tiny grimace, then smiled at me. Phew. ‘Yes, indeed. Very smart. You quite put us to shame. No, no, don’t apologise,’ she went on as I began to, ‘it’s not your fault we’re scruffs. Mais tant pis – allons, grab your coat and let’s go before this rain gets any worse.’
Another surprise at the Museum, where Mamalou dropped us off saying au revoir, she’d have to visit Herself another time, she’d remembered some important errands she had to run, and to text when we were ready for picking up. Shame, I’d looked forward to having her along. I wasn’t disappointed by the exhibition, though. Since last time, when they only had artist’s impressions, they’d 3-D copied the Lady’s skull, built a face onto it, given her hazel eyes and a plaited ginger wig, and stuck the head on a life-size figure in a muddy green dress and a rusty plaid shawl pinned with a shiny new replica brooch. I stifled a gasp as my stomach went boing,she was so like my vision, only I wanted to tell someone her dress should be white like on Ferne’s sampler. Next to her was a new board with pictures showing how everything was made; but somehow we both avoided looking at the Lady herself until we’d looked at everything else and I’d taken photos for my project.
Then we went and stood on opposite sides of her case and looked at each other a moment. Then we looked down. My heart was practically jumping out of my mouth, I was braced for an electric shock, to see the Lady curled up wearing her flesh and best clothes, maybe waking, stirring, her bright green eyes fluttering open to meet mine. What I wasn’t expecting was nothing. Zip. Not the slightest reaction to the naked bones and empty sockets staring into space. I let out a long breath, not sure whether to be disappointed or relieved that I hadn’t thrown some psychic wobbler in the middle of a public gallery. Not that any other public were around; so we stayed for a nice little chat, and I was glad I could thank her out loud for granting my wishes, with only Raven to hear.
After that we headed for the gift shop, because I had two days’ lunch money to spend, plus the emergency tenner Dad had slipped me, plus a few coins, and while I was browsing Raven texted Mamalou. She arrived while I was still torn between an exhibition sweatshirt, an Archaeology Service report called The Making of Maidenhowe Woman, or (probably) a cut-price local history book with references to Idenowes plus the cheaper exhibition T-shirt, because that left enough change for one of those chunky chocolate bars I always look out for in museum shops, and it was half eleven now and I was starving. But I didn’t recognise her until she came over and said, ‘Hallo,’ because she’d changed into a tight silvery puffed jacket with white fake fur round the hood and a crimson polo neck peeping out from the collar, and charcoal cords tucked into slouchy black boots, and she was festooned with carrier bags like any shopaholic lady-who-lunches.
Five minutes later, having heard my dilemma, she’d dumped three grey sweatshirts (one each) with a little white full-length Lady logo, three T-shirts (two black, one grey) with a big white Lady’s face, both books, and three chocolate bars (one each) onto the counter, waved her credit card, shoved everything into a bag-for-life, and handed it to me to carry.
‘I can’t let you pay for all this,’ I said weakly. ‘Mum’ll go mad. She’ll think I was hinting.’
Mamalou shrugged. ‘Then I’ll keep the clothes and books – but you may have them on permanent loan, Eloise. But consider the chocolate my treat,’ she added with a wink.
Raven and I guarded the bags in the lobby while she dashed off for the car, then dashed out together through the sheeting rain and jumped in with our load. Because the weather was rubbish, we just drove straight home; and after a quick soup and sarnie lunch, went upstairs to put away the stuff I still felt embarrassed about accidentally shaming Mamalou into buying.
Yet another surprise when Raven opened her wardrobe. One side was full of neatly hung, brand-new GSA uniform, including the optional beret and straw boater, and the maroon swimsuit and yucky yellow cap which were only compulsory if you were on the swimming team, with the full set of regulation footwear, summer, winter and sports, lined up in pairs on the floor. The other side had nothing but a rail of empty coat-hangers and a tatty jumble half on the floor and half spilling out of an old khaki rucksack.
‘We did have other clothes in London,’ said Raven, seeing my face. ‘My grammar uniform, obviously. And designer gear, Dad bought loads, said we had to look the part. Huh. We left it behind for Magda and Jeff, we didn’t want any reminders of- well, you know. And we didn’t get round to shopping for anything but school clothes over summer, so I’ve hardly anything left that still fits- had hardly anything, I mean.’ Grinning, she passed me the Museum bag, minus the chocolate we’d got stuck into on the way home. ‘Black tee for me, please.’
I unpacked my stuff onto my bunk and Raven’s onto hers while she, as per orders, tossed out old things. Then I took Mamalou’s tops and the clothes she’d changed out of through to her room – any excuse for another nosey – and came back to find Raven pulling handfuls of smalls from a chest of drawers and stuffing them into a bin-bag.
She jerked her chin at a sad heap by the wardrobe. ‘Could you bag those for me, please?’
‘Yeah, sure.’ Unfortunately, she wasn’t dumping any vintage band T-shirts, just faded, baggy-neck holey ones, ditto sweatshirts, and saggy leggings, and denim cut-offs that looked too small even for her bum, and a disgusting dirt-coloured woolly with an unravelling hem, and elbows you could read through.
I went to add our full bags to the goddies’ pile and have a pee in their en-suite – any excuse, etc – and by the time I got back Raven had tipped out all the shopping and started sorting it into piles. I helped by unpacking bras and briefs into the top drawer next to her GSA undies, and thin and thick socks into the middle next to her GSA socks and tights, and T-shirts and vests into the empty bottom one, while Raven filled hangers with what Mum calls ‘chain-store classics’ and tries to build her wardrobe round like the fashion mags say. Mamalou had grabbed at least two of everything in what must be Raven’s favourite colours; they were nothing special, (apart from a gorgeous chunky cream hand-knit sweater with jewel-coloured patterns round the neck, cuffs and hem which I’d have loved except it’d make me look like the side of a house), and I had loads more, in more styles and patterns. So I didn’t envy the clothes, but I did envy that she could pick out any combination knowing it’d fit and look great, instead of having to divide stuff into OK-ish, Fat, and Fattest, depending on what she could squeeze into. And I felt envious for Mum, who’d never be able to shop on this scale unless we won the Lottery, or I became a famous, rich historian and could treat her.
‘Et voilà!’ Raven surveyed her neat row of colour-coded separates. ‘Instant winter wardrobe! Merci beaucoup, maman. I suppose I should change, or she’ll think I’m ungrateful. Trouble is, I don’t know what into.’ She giggled. ‘Trop de choix.’
I giggled too when she pulled her hiking socks off and I saw that her jeans had barely tucked into them, so short they were practically clam-diggers.
‘Yes, I know,’ Raven sighed, wriggling out. ‘My favourites since I was twelve. I’m sad to see them go.’ She dropped them on the floor, then took off her horrible old sweater and tucked it tenderly onto the wardrobe’s top shelf. ‘But I’m not giving up Black Woolly, whatever Mum says.’
While she dithered in her undies, I gathered the empty bags and rubbish, took them rather smugly downstairs, and sorted them into the recycling boxes I’d spotted next to the kindling bin in the coal cellar. Back upstairs I found Raven wearing the gorgeous cream jumper, with cord leggings to match the ruby-red bits of the pattern, and a dubious expression even though she looked lush.
‘Nice, huh?’ she said as I appeared. ‘Bit too nice for slobbing around, I’ll only spill coffee down it or something. I’m getting changed.’
I winced. ‘Yeah, me too.’ I’d dripped bright orange carrot soup on a white stripe at lunch – typical, it wouldn’t have shown on the navy – and Mum’d be cross if the stain didn’t come out. Besides, I’d been dying to try my new clothes on. Out of habit, I turned my back, whipped my tops off together, yanked the grey T-shirt over my head, tugged it down, and turned to the wardrobe mirror. Oh wow! Just loose enough to hide lumps and bumps, and went well with my cargo pants and slobs. So did the sweatshirt. Fingers crossed Mum wouldn’t quiz me too much when she saw, or I’d have to say I’d got them on mega-sale and just not mention it was 100% off thanks to Mamalou.
I was too busy admiring myself to notice Raven until her reflection appeared beside me and giggled, ‘Snap!’ which made me giggle too. She was just being kind, obviously. The sweatshirt was baggier but shorter on her, and she hadn’t had to turn the cuffs back, and her new joggers were a shade narrower and darker blue than my slobs, and she looked like a model in a sportswear catalogue next to Ellie Ordinary. (Mind you, ordinary was fine by me – it beat spotty and fat with bad hair). ‘I think this calls for a selfie!’
To add to the effect we put our slipper-socks on, then hugged tight together, (her wardrobe mirror was quite narrow), and both stuck out a silly stripy foot.
‘Say fromage, blood-sis!’ She snapped our reflections on her phone, then cocked her head on one side. ‘We could actually pass for sisters, don’t you think? Relatives, at least.’
‘Don’t be stupid,’ the Old Ellie would’ve blurted because a week ago it would’ve been. But the New Improved Ellie just cocked her own head and squinted. ‘Yeah – like second cousins fifty times removed!’ which set us both giggling, and Raven held her phone up and snapped another picture. Then when we’d stopped laughing, she glanced out of the window, pulled a face at the rain, and said,
‘So, what do you want to do now? If it’s hiking or biking, you’ll be going on your own.’
‘No way! Um-’ I didn’t want to seem anti-social, but what I really fancied was getting stuck into my new books. ‘If it’s OK, I’d quite like to read. Maybe do a bit more of my project. Only first… can I play with your doll’s house?’
‘Sure.’ Raven smiled. ‘Knock yourself out.’ She opened the front, lit up all the little lamps and chandeliers and the fireplaces with flickering orange bulbs behind painted glass flames, and we spent a happy half-hour moving the little people around. We got the lazy maid out of her attic bed and put her in the nursery rocking the baby, and got Cook cooking in the kitchen, and set the dining table with tiny crocks and glasses and silverware, and sat the Small-Gardiners round it, and stood their butler at the back with a white cloth over his arm. The dolls weren’t real Victorian like the house; they had bendy bodies made of padded wire so you could pose them, wrapped round and round with white wool, with cute little embroidered faces and wool hair and lovely hand-stitched clothes. I knew without asking that they’d been made to look like the Big Gardiners, a brown-haired Mr and Mrs and yellow-haired Rowan in a sailor suit and Ferne in a pale blue Alice in Wonderland dress, and that the black-haired maid and butler were supposed to be Mamalou and Gray Childe, and the baby was probably Raven, and it’d all been a huge family joke and the real twins had loved playing with their miniature selves.
Then Raven said it was late enough for her to ring her Aunt Genie and get on with her own history project, so I went and did the other thing I’d longed (ha ha) to do: took the rest of my Museum chocolate and a checked blanket Mamlou gave me in case I got chilly, and went to lounge on the chaise-longue with my books.
I started by looking up Idenowes in the local history and found a double-page spread of photos before, during and after the Terrace was built, which was very interesting but I could hardly concentrate on it because I could hardly believe my luck. Apart from an odd flick through her mum’s magazines, Fi and I never read at weekends unless we were revising or finishing homework, and I gave up trying to write my diary because she was forever bugging me about it; if we were at hers, I used to pretend I’d left it at home then do it under the covers with a torch when she was asleep. Not that I could’ve settled to read even if she didn’t get bored after five minutes and want to talk about her latest crush or whatever; and although the McD’s house wasn’t exactly small, when everyone was home it always felt like we were on top of each other, especially if Jamie had his mates round and her gran was there for Sunday lunch, (ie pretty much all Sunday). And ours can be a madhouse as well, with the folks dashing round doing everything they don’t have time for during the week, washing machine whirring, Mum singing along to vintage vinyl at full volume while she hoovers, and Dad out mowing the lawn or banging about with DIY. But here… here there was only the patter of rain on the window and, if I listened hard, Mamalou’s guitar faintly playing and Raven’s murmuring voice, rising and falling as she walked around… like a lullaby, so relaxing I’d almost dozed off until she came in, streaming French into her phone, switched on the laptop and printer, and went out again.
I sat up straighter – I didn’t want to waste a moment by falling asleep – and munched some chocolate, forcing myself to focus on the text that went with the photos. It was good info but a bit dry, so I tried the other and that was much better, glossy like a coffee-table book, and easy to understand if you weren’t an archaeologist. As I leafed through, I noticed the chapter on Making Textiles was written by Someone & Jess Weaver (!!) and got instantly engrossed. I barely looked up when Raven came back some time later, phone clamped between her shoulder and ear, and did something to make the printer start spitting pages into its tray. Then she waved to catch my eye, made a T with her hands, and raised her eyebrows just as the hall clock bonged four. I jerked upright. I had no idea it was that time, no wonder (I suddenly realised) I was thirsty and starving! I nodded yes please, then took the books over to the desk and stuck bits of paper in to mark useful pages, and found my document on the laptop, and had just added the new titles to my source list when Raven came back with two mugs of tea and two toasted teacakes, buttered and jammed.
While we ate she showed me what she’d been doing, getting her auntie in New Orleans to email her a bunch of photos and scans of old family documents, and when I saw the picture of her Cousin Joey in his movie uniform my stomach went boing because he looked just like Aidan Turner as Ross Poldark, ie an older version of Joshua Brown. ‘Wow!’ I couldn’t help myself blurting. ‘He’s gorgeous!’
‘Mm. Auntie G says he’s getting some modelling and film work again, although she didn’t sound too pleased about it.’ Raven’s lips twitched. ‘I got the idea it’s a bit- you know, ooh la-la. Porny. Yes, I can just see him in nothing but his hat and shiny boots a-and-’ she began to splutter, ‘and a strategically-placed sword! Can’t you?’
‘Mm.’ I bit my lip. Not exactly. I mean, I knew what men had under their clothes. What I couldn’t imagine was how I’d react if I saw him like that, here and now, in the flesh. Probably run away screaming. The thought made me splutter too and next second we were both howling, holding our sides, streaming with tears.
‘I shouldn’t laugh, really,’ gasped Raven, wiping her face with her new sweatshirt cuff. ‘Poor Joey. I’d hate to have to strip off for a living. Still, he is gorgeous, and it’s only the human body, isn’t it? Lucky for Joe if people want to pay to look at his.’
‘Mm, I suppose.’ I’d never really thought about it. I only knew that I kept my eyes away from newsagents’ top shelves because the magazines embarrassed me, and that never in a million years would I take my clothes off for a photo, even for a million billion pounds. I’d rather die.
Then Raven remembered to tell me it was only a simple Scratch Saturday dinner at six, which gave us an hour and a half to kill, which she’d like to spend working on her Desmoulins family tree. Which was fine by me, because I suddenly realised I needed to finish going through the archive stuff still spread around from Tuesday night, and list everything, and get it all packed neatly away because if Mum saw how much mess I’d made in someone else’s house she’d kill me.
As I slid the last wad of copies and printouts into my history file, the clock bonged six and I got my last-but-one surprise of the day: dinner was just the sort of meal Mum knocks together when she can’t be bothered. Except that Mamalou’s chips came out of an ancient black deep-fat fryer, and she’d baked the beans all afternoon in her special spicy tomato sauce, and fried us each a huge egg, perfectly set apart from a nice dippy bit in the middle. (I wouldn’t have known it was a duck egg if she hadn’t told me, I thought the Grangers kept extra-large hens). Pud was raisin-stuffed baked apples with home-made vanilla custard, just right for a cold autumn night; and afterwards, sipping coffee in our matching sweatshirts, we felt well stuffed too.
‘What shall we do now?’ Raven asked – in English, for a change – when we’d finished washing up. ‘Play a game? I’m so full I think I’ll fall asleep if I try watching TV.’
‘Oh. Um,’ my cheeks went hot, ‘actually, there is something I’d really like.’ I felt shy about asking for all sorts of reasons. ‘If it’s OK.’ I turned to Mamalou. ‘Would- I mean, please would you play some guitar for me? Only if you’re not too tired,’ I added hastily. ‘If it’s not too much trouble.’
She clapped her hands. ‘Mais non, making music is never too much trouble! Allons, let’s go – what sort of thing would you like, Eloise?’ she asked over her shoulder as we headed for the music room. ‘Blues, folk, jazz, classical… or some particular song?’ Of course, my head instantly emptied of every title I knew, but it didn’t matter because she went on, ‘Oh, I know. Let’s start with your parents’ favourite, shall we?’
I sank into the big squashy couch and listened to her play ‘Jolie Blonde,’ just like Mum and Dad’s record, then ‘Jolene’ with Raven doing harmonies, which made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and brought me out in goosebumps all over.
‘That was great!’ I cried when they finished. ‘Please will you play ‘Passenger’ now?’
‘I think I’ll leave that one to Raven.’ Smiling, Mamalou passed her the guitar. ‘You’ll understand why in a minute.’
‘Hm. Perhaps. I’m a bit rusty, you’ll have to forgive a few bum notes.’ She settled onto a stool, flexed her fingers, strummed a chord, then picked out the familiar intro and sang it in husky French with a catch in her voice, sounding so like Foxy that with my eyes closed I could mistake it for Goldenvoice Live. If she played any bum notes I didn’t notice, and before the last one died away I was begging her to sing it again in English.
‘On one condition.’ She grinned. ‘You join in with the la-la-las.’
‘Me?’ I gasped, turning instant bright red. ‘But I can’t sing!’
‘Nonsense!’ snorted Mamalou. ‘Everybody can sing. Some more tunefully than others, admittedly, though anyone can improve with a little tuition and practice. Come,’ she beckoned me to the piano, ‘let’s try a few scales.’
I trailed over reluctantly. Don’t get me wrong, I love singing – but only when no-one can hear. Like in the bath when the folks are downstairs watching TV; or at school, when the choir’s up front giving it large to drown out the mumbling girls and croaky lads with breaking voices so Batty’s ears won’t be offended. But solo? In front of other people? That’s nearly as bad as taking my clothes off, and it’s the main reason I never signed up for Choir even though I’d always had a secret crush on Mr Thomas the Welsh choirmaster, who’s got curly black hair and sky-blue eyes and sings tenor for the local Amateur Operatics and brought the house down at our last year’s Christmas concert with his ‘Nessun Dorma.’ The Test. Scales to test your voice and range, some random line of opera he sang twice and you had to try and copy to test how quickly you could pick stuff up even if you didn’t understand the words, then a verse of your choice to test your performance (and musical taste, for all I knew). Solo, on stage, in front of all the other wannabees. I know because Fi and I thought we might join when we were shy newbies trying to fit in, and group singing was about the only extra-curricular activity we thought we could cope with, so we tagged along behind about twenty other kids and huddled near the back of the hall; then the little blond Year 7 Mr T called up first turned out to be a church chorister who sounded as angelic as he looked, and got the opera line first try, and while everyone was listening to him Walking On The Air we crept out totally demoralised and never went back.
‘There’s no need to look so petrified, cherie,’ Mamalou said kindly. ‘Just think of it as public speaking to music: head up, breathe from your diaphragm, relax your throat, and let your voice pour freely.’ She tinkled up and down the piano keys, do-re-mi. ‘Come now, you’re among friends – give it a try.’
I did try, honestly – but it reminded me so much of Mr T’s Test that my throat closed up and I could only make a strangled squeak.
‘No matter’ said Mamalou. ‘We’ll sing something together to loosen you up. You’ll know this, surely.’ She played a jolly intro then launched into ‘Frere Jacques,’ which was one of the first things we learnt in Year 7 French. Raven joined in, giving me a nudge, and thanks to the piano and them both singing very loudly, I managed to sing along. It actually sounded quite nice. So we sang it through again, then tried it as a round with Mamalou starting, then Raven, then me; and by the time we’d sung that through twice, which sounded even nicer, I was enjoying myself too much to notice the others had stopped while I sang the last ding-dang-dongs. (Then I realised and went bright red, of course).
Giggling, Raven made up a new verse. ‘Can you sing yet? Can you sing yet?’
I shut my eyes, took a deep breath, and sang back, ‘Yes, I can, yes, I can.’ And amazingly, I could – no squeaking this time!
‘Let’s sing ‘Passenger,’ then. Let’s sing ‘Passenger,’ then.’
‘Oui, d’accord. Oui, d’accord,’ I giggled, feeling very pleased with myself.
‘Bravo!’ Mamalou leapt up and grabbed a round flat drum and a tambourine off the wall. ‘Let us jam! I appoint you backing vocals and percussion section, Eloise.’
I goldfished at her. ‘But I can’t play.’
‘Boh! Can you clap to a beat? Then you can play simple percussion – comme ci.’ Mamalou slung the drum round her neck, took its funny little double-headed stick in one hand, the tambourine in the other, and began singing slowly. ‘La,’ bom, ‘la,’ bom, ‘la, la, la, la,’ (tambourine shimmy). She did it a couple more times, then passed them to me. ‘Here, have a go – one at a time, if you can’t manage both.’
She went back to the piano and started playing a soft bass line. Raven joined in on guitar, singing the English version nice and slow so that I could keep up; and by concentrating like mad I actually did it, first just tapping between la-las, then managing to shimmy the tambourine at the right moment as well. Wow! I couldn’t believe what a difference it made to the sound – and to me, I almost felt like a proper musician. Then we did the whole thing again a bit faster and not only did I keep up, I sang all the words, not just la-la, and Mamalou sang harmonies, and it was so fantastic that I felt high as a kite when we finished.
‘I’m Passengered out,’ said Mamalou when we’d stopped applauding each other and had a group hug. ‘Let’s try something else – any requests, Eloise?’
‘Yes! Moonchild!’ I cried, bouncing with excitement. It was my second favourite on Goldenvoice, a lovely mellow acoustic solo; and my total favourite on Live, where she does it as an encore and the rest of the band join in one by one and it speeds up into a massive instrumental and they’re really rocking and the crowd’s going crazy, it’s magic, I’d kill to be there but the folks would never let me go to a gig even if I could afford a ticket, because one of them would have to take me and they can’t afford it either. Then I went scarlet and wanted to sink through the floor in case it upset them because of Gray Childe.
Luckily, Mamalou just said, ‘Excellent choice!’ and picked up an amazing steel guitar with twice as many strings as Raven’s, and twanged it a few times and twiddled the knobs, then sat on a stool and sang the studio version. Mm. Then Raven joined in strumming her guitar, then I started beating my drum (and jiggling my tambourine when I remembered), and we grinned at each other, and speeded up and speeded up, and when it got to the instrumental Raven began striking Guitar Hero poses, and I stamped my foot and shook my New Improved Hair, then when I lost the beat it made her giggle and lose it too, and she nodded at me and Mamalou, and we muddled into a sort of big ba-ba-Ba-Ba-BOOM! finale then all fell about laughing.
‘Gosh, I wish Mum and Dad were here,’ I gasped. ‘They’d love this.’ Or maybe not… suddenly I imagined them sprawled on the couch, enjoying their first Fi-less and miserable me-less Saturday night in months, maybe listening to these same songs on vinyl, getting all nostalgic and loved-up over a bottle of wine and- ‘Um, they won’t believe I’ve been jamming with Mary-Lou Moonchild,’ I babbled, trying not to imagine any more. ‘Perhaps we should form a band! We look a bit like one, don’t we?’ (And we did, especially since Mamalou had swapped her new cords for old faded blue denim jeggings tucked into slipper-socks). I giggled nervously. ‘The Three White Ladies.’
‘Jamais!’ She threw up her hands in mock horror. ‘Never again! Though you two could, if you felt so inclined… and you should join the school choir, Eloise. Just sing as you’ve sung here tonight, and they’ll be glad to have you. I certainly would, were it my choir.’
‘I’m up for that!’ said Raven. ‘Maybe not a band just yet, but definitely choir – forget orchestra.’ She raised an eyebrow at me. ‘What do you say, bestie?’
Cue final surprise of the day: after only a split-second’s battle with Old Boring, the New Improved Ellie won and grinned a big happy metal grin. ‘Yeah, sure. Let’s go for it.’
Helen Rae Rants! 